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Article I wrote on Leatherti.com as Lady Dori Belle AKA Reverend Susan MeeLing
Male submissives & Female Dominants
The submissive hetero-sexual Male
In my opinion, this is the most over looked, mistaken, and most mis-represented person in the BDSM culture as most others have a voice…
Personally, I have come to find out and conclude that male hetero-sexual submissives are not allowed to be themselves in the community. Why? Because apparently, society as a whole, including the BDSM culture at large, have made it so these men cannot come out of the proverbial closet to be themselves in the BDSM culture. What is the reasoning for this?
So, it has been explained to me that it is not accepted as “manly”, whatever that definition is, to admit that a male has feelings. It is not “manly” to admit that he has desires. It is not “manly” to admit he has wants. It is not “manly” to admit he has needs. It is not “manly” he has desires. It is not “manly” to admit that he has anything to do with something that comes from within.
WHY is this?
Because as a society (once again, this means you as a whole) says that a male submissives, cannot express his feelings unless he is gay, a sissy, a transvestite, a cross dresser, a Switch, or something of the sort (not that there is anything wrong with any of those things)… It is forbidden that a male is to be a “normal” human being with natural desires of wanting to be cared for, loved, taken care of, having their needs met, and so on and so forth like everyone else without being classified as a pansy little bitch who whines and cries on the floor for his mommy.
For shame, people, for shame. And people say here say that they are open minded within the BDSM community…
Before I go on, why is it socially ok in the BDSM culture for the following:
a female submissive to take 5+ cocks at once and then get bukaked, and not be called a slut?a male to dress in pouf and not be treated as harsh as a male submissive?a transvestite to walk around without being called out for what they are doing, not that there is anything wrong with it?a gay fe/male to do as they please?so on and so forth…
Why? What is a legitimate reason why? Not because “society” (which once again goes even back to the community), says it is not allowed because of the norms of what is allowed in the mind as acceptable because a male should be “manly” and beat their chest, bring home the bacon, grab their female by the hair, and drag her to the bedroom?
The last time I checked, BDSM went against the norms of society…we are free to make our own choices…free to do our own thing…WITHOUT being judged and allowing ourselves to be accepted. If the reasoning for not accepting male hetero-sexual submissives is due to the way we as a society were brought up, then there is a problem, because then (NOT that I believe this) every female submissive is a slut, every tranny/gay person/pouf/so on is a fag/sissy, so on and so forth. (once again, NOT that I believe this.)
So, now I ask the community as a whole…please tell me, please explain to me, with a mature and logical argument why submissive hetero-sexual males are not accepted in BDSM culture. If there is no reason, then people need to re-examine their beliefs and themelves, for their hypocricies. And I say that with the nicest of intentions and with the sweetest of smiles, of course…
So I ask, so what, if a male submissive has emotions where they want to express themselves to their Dominant female? So what if a male wants to submit to a female? Who are you to judge? You beat a fe/male on a daily/weekly basis and that is against the law/against moral values. So what, if a male submissive likes to wear females’ panties? Who are you to judge? You like to dress [your] fe/male up in slutty clothing/pouf so they are paraded around like a piece of meat for your enjoyment. So what, if they like to be beaten? Who are you to judge? You like to beat your submissive too. So what, if male submissives want to talk about things that most males cannot talk about, but females can? Who are you to judge? There are things you can talk about that they can’t. So what, if they…so on and so forth… Who are you to judge? You do things against societal norms as well. You do things that break the law as well. You do things that go against moral codes as well. So, who are you to judge and say that male submissives are just plain “wrong”, “sissies”, “pansies”, “less than human”, or whatever you call them and look down and them as?
Just because the male hetero-sexual submissives do not beat their chest, shake their tail feathers, and make a mating call like male dominants do; it doesn’t mean they are less than human, it doesn’t mean they are less than equal, and it doesn’t mean that they deserve any less respect than you do, your (as you call them) little slut does, or anyone else for that matter within this community. So, before you go and judge the next submissive male for what they like and what they do not like; why don’t you take a look in the mirror and judge yourself for what you do, cast stones at yourself first before you do anything to them.
As a matter of fact, I believe male hetero-sexual submissives are stronger than most because they are able to admit to themselves within this society that they are what they are, going against the grain. They are able to say, “yes, I am a male, yes, I am a submissive, yes I do like ____…and what?” publicly. So the next time someone wants to say a male submissive is a pansy…maybe they should really look within because the fact is, that person would never be able to handle that reality themselves…
I could go on…but I think I have made my points very clear…
Which brings me to my next point…
The Female Dominant
In my opinion, the most mis-judged female…
So…not to sound angry…but many of us have heard it 1,000 times… We are NOT secretly Switches/submissives…we are NOT waiting for the “right” Dominant to come along to show us what we are missing, and we are NOT secretly waiting for you to get us alone so we could have you all to ourselves. GET OVER YOURSELVES, male Dominants. You aren’t that good, you aren’t that special, and you aren’t that handsome, so piss off.
How many times have I had, or any other FemDom has had some male Dominant come up to me/them and say, “So…you’re a Switch…” , or “So…you’re really a submissive…”, or “So…I know this is just a front…”, or something of the sort…?
You ignorant, self-absorbed, egotistical, oxygen thief. And you wonder why FemDoms are always pissed off and take offense to and at most male Dominants? You wonder why most FemDoms get ready to do battle when a male Dom when they walk into the room? You wonder why we are, as you say; are “Femi-Nazis”?
Once again, if you looked outside of the social and societal norms of what you were raised with, maybe, just maybe, you would see that we, just like you; have our own preferences. And guess what? We, just like you male Dominants, like to make our fe/males bow to us and kiss our boots…lick out feet…kiss our pussy…or whatever we so choose to make them do…at our whim…and we too can call them “bitch” and “slut” because, guess what? gasp Just like your females…the males like it too…gasp…no way…(sarcasm-if you couldn’t tell…) ;)
How would you like it, if every FemDom you met said the same to you every first meeting you had with them? Every single time you met a Female Dominant they said, “So…I know you really want to be my little bitch boy…”, or “So…I know you really want to kiss my boots you little slut buddy…”, or “I know you secretly want my strap on in your ass, you little cunt…”, so on and so forth… Kinda disrespectful, eh? Now you know how we as Female Dominants feel. So stop being an insensitive prick…oops…sorry…that’s one of the best parts of a male, so I really can’t say that as that would be a compliment…so stop being an ass hole…oops…once again…another good part of the anatomy…sigh…so stop being a pansy little bitch and think that you are the Gods’ gift to earth, because guess what… male Dominants are not the Gods gift to the universe and get over yourselves.
And OH DEAR GOD!!!
Not every FemDom is a paid Dominatrix!!!
…Now…off of my soapbox about that and onto the explanation…
Just as the male hetero-sexual submissives are often, misunderstood, so often to are the Female Dominants; especially ones who are NOT dominatrixes.
All too often, if a Female is a Dominant, she is automatically classified as a Dominatrix and that is not always the case and some take great offense to it.
While some females choose to do BDSM as a profession, which is their choice, others, like myself, choose to never go down that path and are offended when it is even mentioned.
Because, personally, I do not need to sell my physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual self in order to complete or follow my BDSM journey. If others do, that is their path, but for people like me, we do not want to be lumped into the category of a Dominatrix as we find it to be their path and not ours.
In reference, that would be like calling a Dominant a submissive. It is quite upsetting to the receiver and quite unwanted and unwarranted, unless trying to upset the person.
I play with my boys and girls because I want to, because I crave them, because they crave me, because of our relationship, because of our connections, because…etc…
I do not play because I need to pay a bill or because of a paycheck. I do not play to work. This is not work.
BDSM is play to me. BDSM is a release to me. BDSM is fun to me. BDSM is a joy to me.
To me, and to Females like me, professional work is not anything remotely near in sight and the thought of it not only disgusts our thought process for us to do for ourselves (not for others to do for it is their choice); that it would never be a remote possibility to happen with me or people like me.
Have I been offered money? Yes.
I think the most I was offered was $350 an hour for a session. However, I turned them down because of my morals and ethical values for me personally could not handle the implications afterwards mentally or emotionally.
Some people can handle it, some people can’t. Personally, I cannot handle it. I am not made to make money while manipulating people. Personally, my biggest issue, as I have stated before is the married males who go to professionals to cheat on their wives and all who participate. That is my biggest issue of them all, but I digress.
However, back to the issues at hand; not all Females who are Dominant are professionals and those who are not take offense (and rightly so) as they (and I) have not sold ourselves for money, to put it simply.
The way I look at it, and I do not look at it as all do, so this is me; I have not had someone played by me, pay me, and then go wack off in front of me or after I am done with them. Anyone I have played with, there was a balanced and shared form of energy between the two of us and no money exchanged hands (or dressers); we just enjoyed the other fully. The experience was purely for that…the experience…the way I believe it should be.
Remember…NOT every Female who is a Dominant, is a paid Dominatrix…
Thank you for your time, and have a nice day.
Lady Dori Belle
Reverend Susan MeeLing