It is what it is, realistically
While there is not the denial of sibling rivalry which in many cases is needless because of the reality of which each individual is exactly that, as each individual. Though in such sorts of twisted irony when taking into consideration such in regards of older tales in #folklore and #hollywood, the portions of which are spun around and around throughout. What traits make up one sibling is going to be different than another sibling and while there is a point of which certain aspects could be considered as for the betterment of, there are points where the unhealthy competition is needlessly caused. Such is the case in reference to situations involving my biological sister and I, as the needless competition for such began long before my biological sister moved to the state of Texas in 2003. Our biological parents had problems in reference to my continuing onward and living despite the points of which were simply beyond their control because of what was needed to be taken care of in various instances and though my biological sister tried to do the same thing, such backfired in the way she chose to try such; similarly, failing to control the reality.
Though she was able to get her brother-in-law who is my dead-ex-husband to cheat on me with her as she had assisted several others to cheat on their spouses with her, she was not the only one who was successful at doing so as she was just another notch in his belt among theirs as well as to who he and they had cheated on. I was simply an annoyance to her because of the fact I continued onward and as she chose to compare her successes in #dance, school, the amount of males ho wanted her, and etcetera; I was merely an after-thought compared to as she actually looks #Chinese or at minimum looks a form of #Asian such as #Philipino whereas, I simply look as myself.
After my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and after effects had begun furthering and I sought to find ways to remedy the situations I was dealing with in conjunction with the medical professionals I went to appointments for such assistance before #SCUBADiving, that was another situation which she and our biological parents did not handle well. No one I personally knew during certain situations with the exception of those whom the discussions occurred with, were privy to such information which made it even more difficult to be able to relate to my own biological relatives. Due to the fact they could not see what I was taking care of at various times, the lack of understanding came from the lack of knowledge. In my defense there were portions of which I simply could not discuss about such details with at those times because of what was occurring, and such was what it was. Later I put forward such in writing, though admittedly it seemingly was too late for them to come around to understand the gravity of the situations. I can say and write the same in reference to quite a few situations in regards of, because when getting into the portions of #SCUBA Diving there were even less of the amount of people who I was able to speak with about the various aspects of.
#Military, #lawenforcement, #firedepartment, and #EMS guys know very well about internalizing such aspects and I had not been any different in such ways to a degree; though more specifically in reference to SCUBA Diving as well as the situations in reference to #Irving, which additionally was a situation that was as it had been.
Nonetheless in reference to different relationship aspects there are few relationships which I can recall prior to my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury in which my biological sister did not have something to do with such going awry, including the portion regarding a male who I had fallen for who had lived in #Ohio. For him I actually almost thought of not going into the military, though I knew I would eventually go as I had gone to the military. However she admitted she had spoken with him on the phone several times pretending to be me, which infuriated me and made sense as to certain other situations then as well as later on. A few high school what-have-you sort of relationships had gone as they had and admittedly one particular relationship which I had with a male who was a football player for a rival high school team though I was starting to feel comfortable with him enough, the fact he fell asleep every-time my biological mother cooked food and gave it to him made me uneasy and the more simplistic aspect of what I could think to do was end that relationship. It seemed it was the only safe way, though admittedly I felt and do feel bad for having to do so. I did not understand how he could fall asleep as soon as he finished eating so he and I could go out on a date, though later after my biological parents and biological sister had moved to Texas and a food poisoning problem which occurred to each except my biological mother and biological sister had caused me to begin reevaluating different portions. There are several situations which I have spoken about as well as written of which could hypothetically lead to a few legal situations, in reference to my biological mother in that regard. However since she and my biological sister had denied ever knowing me as well as had denied my son and my daughter are my son and my daughter and not my biological sister's children, that is one smaller aspect compared to the larger whole of what was dealt with during my childhood and teenager years well before going to the #Army branch of the #UnitedStatesofAmerica's #ArmedForces. Admittedly I wondered what had happened with that particular male, though I am fairly certain he did not have such problems after eating food the way he had after eating my biological mother's cooking.
Though as per usual in such, anytime I was happy meant my biological sister would come crawling and slithering around sending whomever she could trick to go forward to find out whatever was going on in my life to then send her little strings around as she pulled and pushed along. Though as per her way, once she got what she wanted she would let them go and not care in the slightest thereafter. Whereas in the military there is a term of expendable for jobs, she viewed regular people as disposable. I would not be surprised if that view of hers, continued onward. I suppose those who have dealt with how she is would know far better, in comparison. The amount of times I had to defend the military to her ironically exceeds in multiple times of, to the number of times I had to defend the military in other situations in the state of Texas.
Whereas I have and do acknowledge I can make mistakes and be misinformed as well as make attempts to fix and repair what I may have misunderstood or figured out needs to be addressed which ironically my time back in the state of Texas truthfully proves such as I think about such at this point in time, I do not believe the same could be said in reverse in reference to my her. As various aspects which I traced my steps back to be able to bring forward such revelations of various portions in regards of different portions to return to the state of #Texas to fix and repair what needed to be addressed despite the length of time in honest hopes for genuine repair, I also cannot deny the amount of clarifications which have flowed through in various ways. Having gone through the five stages of grief with a few additional aspects, has brought such to light in various aspects for review. Since I do not believe living with regret is a good choice, I have done what I could where I could for various rectifications in hopes the choices were and are the best ones to show the genuinity.
Since the time of her moving to Texas I had initially dealt with not only the cheating aspect, though also since she had a threesome in our biological parents' bed in their new house in #SanAntonio while during the first week of her new high school; that was one of many aspects to take into consideration as to how much I was wrongly blamed for her choices, in reference to my childhood and teenager years. Though I was able to speak with one of the males' mom which thankfully she understood what I was dealing with in regards of odd circumstances, she and I spoke for several hours well beyond the discussion about that initial topic point. As my biological sister had helped a dance instructor of hers cheat on his wife as well as other relationships she had meddled needlessly in, that was not the only time she had gone out of her way to do such sorts of behaviour choices. As per the situation at Lackland #AirForce Base of #JBSA in reference to my biological mother and the #MP station for an example of the denial of me wrongly and that situation, the marriage ceremony for her and her husband where though my son and my daughter were the ring bearer and the flower girl though did not want me to be acknowledged as being related. I had gotten in trouble for 'having the nerve to wear the colors of the event because someone at the event might think [I] was related to the bridal party, and was deserving of such acknowledgement.'
In later years as time continued as some individuals who were in college had thought I looked somewhat familiar to Patricia Ann Hom-Miller, I was asked if she was my biological sister since we did not look similar. I acknowledged such to then deal with a phone call which she was upset with me for embarrassing her for having to acknowledge such a relation, as she was going to college and felt as though she was better than I. After all she was earning her Master's Degree and in her thoughts and opinions, I was just me. Shortly before the next portion of this journal blog entry in reference to discussion points she brought up to her, I was nothing short of a disappointment and an embarrassment to her name. The male I had acknowledged such to had seen me again later and told me he had spoken with her, and was surprised she did not like the fact he brought up my name to her. He told me about her reaction which then I explained a bit such as the few reference points in this journal blog, which he looked at me and asked "How are you still alive, after that?"
I shrugged my shoulders and mumbled, "I simply am, as I am."
The discussion with that male had continued onward as the event went on, and a few times he asked me to tell a few people he knew about the situation in reference to. As per usual, the smoking section was where such discussions took place. Though many other topics were discussed that evening at the location which had darkened colored wooden two row logs for a fence line on the back patio area for the smoking section, with a cover over the top of the area. I told them about my choice to vote for Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin for the prior Presidential election year as well as how the early held Thanksgiving dinner had gone, as I was informed I was not invited to the extended in-laws' #Thanksgiving Dinner via my biological sister and biological parents; though my son and my daughter were, as explained to me. I explained to that group of how she had been excited to vote for who I knew would become President of the United States of America Barrack Obama, though I explained why I felt the need for a President of the United States of America as Commander in Chief should have a connection to the Armed Forces military to be able to properly square away various aspects as the earned respect for such is important in reference to the different branches and divisions. I was told she considered me to be racist for not voting for him which my hair and my skin color was pointed out as one of the points as to why she thought that was required to vote for him, whereas my personal choice for such made sense to me. I explained as the group listened and they brought up different choices for their vote for him, which we continued discussing peacefully without much problems as each side was listened to and discussed calmly. Especially, in comparison.
Nonetheless the last time I had seen my biological sister in person that I know of had been just before the end of the second engagement in 2010 to the same male from my first engagement to him earlier in 2010, which my biological sister absolutely hated him. I think it was more along the fact she hated the smile I had on my face whenever with him, as it seemed as though he actually accepted me as who I am. The first time she met him she complained about how smooth he was, because of how much he could easily cause laughter and she acknowledged she hated seeing me smile. I know when I had changed my Facebook profile online and included him on the relationship area I dealt with a situation at our biological parents' house, which the discussions were as they were. I know shortly afterwards he had gone to Basic Training for the Army branch, and then later I had to end the relationship because of what I had to deal with at the time. Between the aspects of the SCUBA Diving I was coming to terms with as well as what was going on in reference to my daughter and my son, the need to defend myself and not have the words to explain what happened in a quicker and easier way was not an option for me at the time; also knowing subconsciously he would have fought to get out of Basic Training, and I did not want him living with regret. I admit I hoped he and I would reconnect and though we did and were reengaged for a second time, when we reignited the relationship ironically my biological parents showed up the next day a bit earlier than planned. They saw his car and instantly, they were mad at me for getting back together with him.
It was in #HollyLake Texas when my biological sister and I saw each other for the last time which I suppose our biological parents did not inform her, he and I were back together. I can remember when she walked into the place to see him standing in the kitchen, and the look of disapproval I had received was not needing any words. She walked back outside of the place onto the front porch area to stay for awhile before returning inside as my biological parents spoke snubly to him, and rolling their eyes at me. My biological sister did not bring her husband with her at the time saying he was busy and did not need to be around me noting the way I look, which was nothing new in various regards. Though I think he was not aware at the time, as to the level situations were in that regard. Few knew, honestly.
When it came to giving #Christmas presents I handed my biological parents and my biological sister an envelope each, which they opened. Whereas my biological sister looked at the check for $4,000.00 for her husband to be able to get police specialty gear, she looked at me as though I insulted her for caring about the safety of as best as I could. When my biological parents saw their check for $10,000.00 for the #HVAC system to assist with the heating and cooling of the house they had, I was complained to because my biological mother did not want to pay taxes for the money given to help with the situation. I knew I did not have to in either situation especially what was going on in my daughter, my son, and my lives at the time; though it seemed to be the right and correct thing to do, and choice to make.
I knew my finances at the time were limited though I also had remembered what my Great Grandparents as well as my maternal Grandfather had discussed prior to writing the checks in a few discussions when I was a child, and it seemed it was important to do so. It seemed needed and mandatory for the betterment of which while my biological mother and biological sister were offended, my biological father had told them both "Don't kick a gift horse in the mouth, you will regret that choice."
They chose not to stay for the night and left shortly afterwards, which who I was engaged to at the time and I had a bit of time extra as my son and my daughter went to sleep. That individual had been the first time for a #NewYearsEve celebration I had been with someone who wanted to be with me ever so proudly at my side, and realistically it also was the last time. The first New Years Eve he and I had together we kept it at my house fairly quietly though the second one he and I went to an event which I did not know until learning the hard way, I could not have champagne. The alcohol mixed with the bubbles caused my headaches to stir into a full blown migraine, which he had to drive because the pain was so much and so bad. As many years since 2000 my headaches and migraines have affected me if I cannot drive because of the level of pain, that is saying something when taking into consideration the amount of time and levels of pain. I personally feel the need to drive for multiple reasons and if I am in so much pain I cannot drive, the pain levels are far beyond any words to express. I knew and know that about myself, I understood and understand the levels of that about myself, and I comprehend the levels of the amount of pain which it takes to get to that point. As I am fairly independent in a few ways and a tad bit stubborn at times if I ask for assistance, there is a similar level of which regarding to the pain level which brings forward such similar points in a different way. Especially if I figure the words enough to convey the message clear enough, when taking into consideration time as well as the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury in conjunction with the SCUBA Diving in reference to Bo-Bo.
Though there was one following New Years Eve which I had gone out with the individual who I was dating at the time in 2011 for 2012 and a group of others that were known, the way the end to that relationship had gone extremely shortly after that time was as it was. Despite that male's ex-girlfriend falsely accusing me of outing people in the lifestyle in that timeframe of 2011, I had no way to prove to her I was not outing anyone despite how many times my name was being dropped here and there. At the time in 2011 I wish I knew how to prove such as the name portion to bring up was not something I was willing to do despite many aspects nor anything I thought of to be honest back then and even still forward up until the portions in reference of my Medal of Honor Art Project, of which the need for those aspects of justice had become to the level of such much later; which the first time I had ever brought up specific names in such a way, was well after 2011.
While I wish I could go and say otherwise to such, I am glad I do not have to live with that regret either; as I had dealt with repeatedly being outed well before 2011 to those I knew as well as thereafter including by the same ex-boyfriend of hers doing to in telling my biological parents. Admittedly I had already acknowledged such to them, though they were reminded because of an answering machine message he left in which he ran out the tape with how long he went on about my life; while not forgetting the situation which occurred in reference to a different ex of mine who had laughed when one of the couples who was at the 2011/2012 New Years Eve event had one of their parents show up to an event at their house. I admit I had not put that together at the time, though I figured it out a bit later; admittedly in some ways, a bit too late.
Though again I went to rectify such among other portions in attempts to fix and repair different aspects for clarity, despite some possibly having the thought of too little too late; despite the reality of such not being my fault, and the portions of which who would actually be to blame for such in that regard of that event. I refer to the portion in reference to Montana in 2018 and the same individual seemingly being at the fountain at the hotel at the time, for such a poignant portion for such clarifications. Also again, I did not allow him or anyone to take the matching buffalo hide flogger I had custom made for myself to use. Since it went missing after retuning him to the DFW region and not before then, if that flogger was used elsewhere I know where I purchased the flogger from as well as the weight dimensions I requested such to be made with the specific diamond weaving for the handle and I spoke with one of the females later in #SanMarcos at an event who had helped that particular company out of #Houston Texas to make that particular set. Ironically the same female who gave me the only Valentine's Day card I had ever gotten, which I still have to laugh about.
The card looked similar to a meme which had a female wearing a corset and the saying was something along the lines of "Sure I might have a soul-mate out there but until he finds me, he can go f*** himself." Ironically as a bit of the portions to my Faery-sized independent-ness as I can be, the tad bit of exactness some might be able to see such for my personality in that regard. If the reality of if I have a soul-mate is a hypothetical possibility well...apparently he is taking his time f***ing around to get himself known to me as such...I suppose...I can joke at minimum...
Since I know the need to bring this particular journal blog though each to a close with as happy as a note as possible, I suppose I shall end such with laughing at myself for what I had misunderstood from that particular individual who I was engaged to twice. Just prior to beginning our relationship he had told me about the church he was attending because of his sister telling him about the church as he and I discussed my SCUBA Diving specifically about the Vandenberg, which he told me about it being called a Cowboy Church. I remember I laughed when he said the description and when he asked why I was laughing I said, "Ok Texas boy, I know we are near Dallas and all but seriously?"
When he asked what I meant I asked him if he ever heard of the game of football, which he nodded he had and laughed at me. I then asked him if he knew of any teams who played football in the area near #Dallas and he looked at me oddly, which I shook my head side to side giggling. When I asked him if he knew of any teams in the area which might have gone to the #Superbowl in the 1990s he nodded and asked me, "What does that have to do, with a #CowboyChurch in Texas?"
I looked at him while waiting for the click to occur and after a little bit I told him, "You know, there might be a stadium in the area with a name which might make sense to the Cowboy Church aspect Texas boy."
Since I had already paid the tab for my car Zippy to be taken care of and was being brought around for me to go the male looked at me and asked, "What does #Cowboys Stadium have to do with you asking me about the church I go to, and me being from Texas?"
I smiled, got into my car, closed the door, looked up at him as I opened the convertible waiting for the moment to click, as he looked at me. I do not know if he ever figured out I was referring to the Cowboys football team, though I guesstimate some reader may have figured it out before getting to the end at this point. I may not being the sharpest crayon in the shed, though I thought that was kind of a bit simple to figure out. Or in that situation, maybe it took a head injury to figure out I meant the Cowboys team? I do not think everyone who might read this needs or needed a head injury to figure that out, though. In an odd way, I kind of wonder what his parents and his sister would be thinking at that point. I guesstimated back then football was kind of a big deal in the state of Texas and the Cowboys might have been a team some #Texans and others may have heard of, though I do not know at that point as to whether or not he realized what was nearby.