In thoughts while getting ready to go see my daughter tomorrow
I cannot count how many times nor how many people each time which I had explained why I had the tattoos I have in reference to assist my memory issues after my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, of which so many refused to believe me about which is ironic because the ones who I began the explanation to had known about my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury after effects the most at the time. They had seen in person my memory problems and cognitive disorders, they had complained about my repetitiveness in topics discussed, and they had admitted to testing the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury repeatedly to the point where I remembered. The same who had complained about my medical after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and tested such who were not medical professionals (by means of an actual medical degree and/or specialty of medical studies verifiable through the graduating certifications) by the way also purposefully chose to cause additional problems and situations to take away that what was helpful to my memories, then wondered why I reacted the way I had and had wished for me to be normal by their standards; while at the same time blaming me for not looking normal to what they thought I should look in reference not only to my hairstyle and color, though also the tattoos thereof and wondered why my responses to them had been as they had when admitting to causing problems through testing the after effects. Thus if it is not considered illegal to do so without a medical degree/licensing/certification(s), that should be taken into consideration for legal protections.
As a side note I have not understood social experiments done by college students when there is the knowledge of their lack of degrees, lack of training, and lack of ability to care for the individuals and groups they affected. Where is the accountability for such sorts of programs allowed by college Professors and universities who have allowed such to occur, without the actual degrees and backgrounds as well as consenting signatures for knowing of such to occur? As so many other requirements are necessary for a medical practice, why is it there is not any accountability to those who have conducted social experiments without the legal requirements of any insurances or assurances from those college students who have been allowed to do such with the knowledge and approval from such universities and such teaching Professors? If a student had not graduated from with the degree then the questions of which, did that university and set of Professors explain such was only for the class and not for a permanent sort of way or did the student think they were allowed to continue on with such without any legal backing as needed for the professional fields thereof?
However, I digress.
There was a movie in which I had seen years ago which realistically described much though not nearly as romantic in the slightest I had seen called "50 First Dates", of which had been quite sweet in a multitude of ways though not what I had experienced up to that point; however later when told of a movie called "Momento" some similarities without all of the drama as I thought, nor nearly as action packed I suppose. Those who had weaseled their way throughout to choose to cause problems needlessly probably ironically while falsely and wrongly claiming of me being overdramatic had been the ones who had been causing the additional drama and the problems within my existence; as they had admitted to their boredom, within their own lives as they said from their lack of excitement which infuriated me. I doubt there are many who would be as disheartened by such a response to be normal in reference to being told of such, as well as quite leery thereafter. When getting to the point of so many acknowledging such after so many years, the irony is those same individuals and/or the same types of individuals would then blame me for being overdramatic for such a response; then would wonder why I did not approve of their choices and their behaviour patterns.
Especially if I, could remember what they had done.
Nonetheless the portions of which is still true today as it was then, my tattoos have been what has been able to assist me despite their looks and their placements. I admit the irony of the placements specifically in reference to my legs as well as my back are not easily as seen by me, as I did not want to cause any additional attention to myself because of my hairstyle and my hair color as in the state of Texas I already stuck out with such a physical attribute set; while admittedly, my hairstyle and hair color was not the originating factor as to standing out much from the beginning as many had said they noticed a certain innocence from me from just looking at me. Some said they could see a light or I suppose they did not have the words for the auric presence of surrounding my physical being, while young children used the words I knew of seeing my hypothetical wings.
Though before my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury usually children and special needs saw such well before the times of afterwards, there were some adults who had noticed such more-so in reference to what I could see when presented with facts even if minimally to give clarity to certain questionable situations they themselves were wondering or questioning. When going swimming at the beaches in New Jersey there were usually the younger children when I was older who said they saw my Mermaid fins especially when in the oceanic waters compared to in the pool, though there were those who noticed such when at Marlboro Recreation Center; however such was more noticeable after my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury to more, as told to me of which fewer adults at the times of could notice or see. Though later when in #SCUBADiving there were those who joked about my air consumption when diving or I should write lack thereof as to being a fish or a MerPerson on land or out of the water, as while most divers would need to get refills to their SCUBA tanks I could go the entire weekend of classes without any air fill. The same was noticed during my first oceanic SCUBA Dives, though looking back such may have been considered as just the shock from stopping a Poufy Fish from puncturing another SCUBA Diver's hands when he caught the Poufy/Puffer Fish.
As time continued on and as more situations occurred which the lack of faith and lack of beliefs from others continued forward, I simply became more and more introverted and reclusive away from what and who I thought were genuine as I had been; and the more likely I became to hesitate from getting involved or engaging with others, because of so many circumstances which seemed to repeat constantly to the point where I could remember. I was told in my childhood of if situations continue happening no matter where I go it was not others and it was me, which as thinking about such I saw it to be more along the lines of what my failures had been and what I could not understand. Admittedly forgetting about the portions of which the warnings I gave being accurate as few wanted to acknowledge such accuracies of mine, which in turn began a different cycle which I simply just stopped.
How many times can one reach out and be ignored by those who claim of their care and concern, before seeing the lack thereof?
How many times can one reach out to those in charge who then say one thing and do another in the same reference, and no longer having the ability to believe in such?
How many times can one hear of the humaneness required and those same individuals falsely preaching of such, not caring about their fellow man or woman by their own actions?
Despite how I grew up, despite what I saw when growing up, despite where I had grown up; I can honestly state there had been less atrocities where I had grown up, in comparison to some of the situations I had seen when re-growing up. In both sets of areas and in both arenas of time, I still had done what was needed to help where I could. Maybe that was my downfall in some ways, or maybe that was where my views began to change about human beings, despite the amount of compassion as explained to me by others I have had over the years for such. I suppose that would be around the time when I stopped attempting for a bit in reference of friendship, as I saw so much which tore away the hope I had for so long. Though I did attempt such in a multitude of ways, it seems as though outer circumstances had interfered.
While I have been told repeatedly of my youth, that does not change the fact time is not the same for me. For what is counted by means of a clock is not how I measure time and has not been especially since waking up from the coma from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, as what I am told are counted as seconds feels to be hours and what is counted as I have been told are minutes seem like days. What I have been told have been counted as hours feel like weeks, what I have been told is counted as days feels like weeks, rarely as months feel as such as more closely to feeling like years whereas years feel like decades; and yet what has been calculated in number as to be decades, feels like centuries of time to me. Then whether a short nap of a few minutes or a long slumber of hours, I am reset in reference to the timeframes and memories thereof.
Such has been so in reference to time ever since waking up from the coma from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, though the headaches and migraines too do not assist such. When the headache levels increase quickly then there is a similar sort of resetting; just as when the portions in reference to migraines, which the pain levels instantly undo what was remembered, to have to go through all over again. Then, there are the tattoos I have had done which are supposed to help in multiple ways as they do. My tattoos however since because of the spiritual aspects as each individual tattoo I had mediated during the processes of, are connected energetically to far more than just the purposes for in reference to my memory assistance.
Literally having to look at each as I do upon waking up or when a pain level bursts through, there is a continuous reminder in some ways to assist my memories-ish. Admittedly in reference to the portions of the movie #50FirstDates I had hoped one day for such a love and concern as seen in such and though a quiet hope I kept quiet and to myself in a bit of nervousness as situations had occurred, there admittedly was an underlying feeling of the aspects of the movie #Momento which I had felt bubbling up to the surface proverbially. In reference to my Medal of Honor Art Project, I can see certain similarities among several other portions thereof in a backwards sort of way I suppose. Maybe in such references in regards of the Momento aspect such is in regards of my Medal of Honor Art Project as well as in reference to what occurred regarding my son and my daughter, though hopefully such legalities will occur for justice to happen quickly and swiftly correctly. In regards of the portions of which in reference to the 50 First Dates sort of thing, well that is admittedly a portion of which admittedly had not been focused upon much by me; as realistically such sort of stuff seemed out of my league as knowing I am how I am, quite truthfully I did not see how I could be of such sort of whatever the words are for that.
Nonetheless in such, my thoughts are as they are as I prepare myself to get ready for the upcoming time to go travel a bit. A possibility of the nervousness for such coming together in reference to the portions of being able to see my daughter as well as the conjunction of knowing what I lack in a multitude of ways, so too acknowledging my own many failures as I feel. In such, I look forward to hopefully the best. Admittedly nervous, still much to do and hopefully accomplish.
