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The Ornery P.S.A.
a philosophical-ish
Blog

 

It should not take a head injury
*after personally sustaining a head injury & coma*
to figure this out...

 
 
 
 
 
 


After a Drill Sergeant threw Me into the metal part of the bunk when I was in Basic Training for the United States of America's Army branch at Fort Sill Oklahoma #FortSill #FortSillOK #FortSillOklahoma #OK #Oklahoma in the year of 2000 on Psalm Sunday, I have dealt with the situations as best as I have been capable to do so while taking care of the situations and asking for assistance as per the required explanations of the information to such facts first.  While making the attempts to get assistance for the aspects thereof as to the reality, the aspects of where and when as to the multiple attempts to ask for assistance for me.  As my journal blog for when I was ready to bring such as to my other works forward since as to the lengths of time as to where my modeling was as to the modeling page information, just as the other pages have the information as to such specifics, and just as this journal blog of mine is as to such facts.


If I had real friends (if as to having met in person face to face in person in real life as to the aspects of this particular reference such as from the state of Texas as to the state of Washington as to the years of 2000 through 2013 if I met within the state of Texas for such references), real (the areas of the tristate region as before the year of 2000) family, and real relationships in real life that recognized me as to the aspects of if as to the face to face in person who started in truth as I had started such in truth as to the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, as well as the subarachnoid hemorrhage in the frontal lobe of my brain that took 8.5 years to dissipate; then I guesstimate there would be the easier factors as to being capable for me to speak with others in truth in person face to face in person and/or through online measures as to such factors I suppose.  Though would such as to the knowledge of the ways as to how they began such discussions with me as to would there be such a situation, for them to consider as to such if factors as to such discussions with me in truth?


As to some suggestions and commentary within "Finding A Silver Lining" one of several of my bo0ks I personally authored/wrote/compiled as I can only speak and write in truth as per such clarifications as to the reality as to the specifics of such discussions/writings/videos as per my Official You Tube where I have satirical commentary where I comment about the factors as to having dealt with others' opinions about their pop culture references of #NJ #NJstate #NewJersey #NewJerseystate New Jersey, though as to for the most part I have actually preferred to be asked with politeness if as to having read my books and/or seen my website as just the same in reference to the timeframes when I was modeling as to having respect as to what I consider as respect, referencing if as to such polite manners as to discussions if as to such having been noticed because of the factors in my opinion as to having real discussions as communication would be if my website was seen before the year of 2023 as I first began my website in 2015; as in my journal blog posts as to the reality of the years of 2010 through 2013, as to the aspects of introductions as to those timeframes when as to various factors as I did not take selfies as I was actually working with photographers as to my creations of my outfits as per the description on the link to my modeling page(s) as to the references regarding my journal blog updates in the years of 2019 through 2022 as the timeframe onward as to the year of 2023 as to the factors as to how such journal blog entries will be as to such factors as to the aspects of the various topic points.


Go read through the multiple journal blogs on my website after finishing scrolling to get to the journal blog area, now!

Share the links of my journal blog, too!




 I was born and raised in New Jersey and grew up going throughout the tristate northeast areas mainly, and as to how the reality of when the importance of the situations as to the aspects of reviewing as to such facts regarding the logistics for several factors as to the considerations; the years of 2019 through 2022 as to the review process as to the aspects of the timeframe, prior to the timeframe of the 20 year memorial of 11 September 2001 also known as 9/11 as well as before the 30 year memorial of February 1993, as to the northeast areas mostly known as to New York City #NYC #NewYork #NY #NYstate #NYU though also as to the #Pentagon Pentagon, as well as Pennsylvania #Pennstate #Pennsylvaniastate as to the reality of how many New Jersey-ians commute in either direction, depending upon what location for the commute. 


The factors though I have said at times, I re-re-re-re-re-re-grew up in the state of  #Texas #TX #Texasstate Texas as to such factors as to the timeframes, as well as all 26 of my SCUBA #SCUBA #SCUBADiving  Diving certifications I earned were through one school within the state of Texas as I also earned winning first place in a Texas Chili cookoff with more than 20 entries as well as my chili recipe as I am adamant about my recipes as to such aspects just as I am specific as to what it actually takes for me to cook in a BBQ as to the required preparations for when I have BBQed.   



I can sarcastically write, those who know of the Rules of the BBQ as to where I grew up as to the Rules of the BBQ as to such factors to the considerations of such preparations.  However that is to cooking food as to the differences of my journal blog entries, as to the factors as to proverbial aspects of food for thought as the difference of real food in real life as to the facts of the situations to such attention to the details as well as attention to the information.


Such facts as to the metaphors in some of such factors that only after reviewing such information as to the aspects of the fiction book series that were as to for My personal life as to such dreamland sorts of factors as to the differences of such hypotheticals, the references thereof as to such regards as to the logistical emotional with the real situations as per the names I was informed of at the timeframes referenced review as to My journal blog as to the situations overall.  


If as to my journal blog being found and read as to where what I consider as common sense, as to the aspects of my satirical saying   how it should not take a head injury to figure out. 
 

*(sometimes utilizing articles discussing facts)*
By:  (Reverend) Susan MeeLing
also known as

The One & Only


(YouTube)   Lady Dori Belle


 

Business Card.jpg

REMEMBER:

After the head injury caused a coma while I learned how to deal with the headaches, migraines, cognitive disorders, memory problems, and other medical conditions I went from College Algebra with Trigonometry & Calculus down to 2nd grade math.  Here is how logic works for someone like me::

~  It took awhile for the doctor's recommendation to use sticky notes, to help remember.

~  It took several months to realize sticky notes moved, let alone to remember to speak with the doctor.

~  After I finally remembered to ask the doctor about the note problem, notebooks were recommended.

~  When I could remember to pick up a notebook, it took a long time to learn similar to sticky notes, notebooks are not always where they were placed.

~  After I was able to organize the notebooks over several months I still had not learned notebooks are not always readily available, at the necessary time.

~  When I remembered to speak with the doctor about the notebook problem the doctor had few other suggestions, to assist memories better.

~  After several events and adding up sticky note and notebook location problems, I realized my skin goes everywhere I do.

~  Wanting my tattoos to only be for me and not for public consumption I started the ink on my legs, able to hide easier.

~  It would not be until many tattoos and several years later I would realize my memory problems were usually not as bad when wearing shorts, capri pants, or a skirt.

~  Between 3-5 years after my first tattoo I had the first tattoo completed on my arms, and my memory has slowly progressed towards an easier memory jolt.

 

 

When I say "it should not take a head injury to figure this out" it is partially in humor from personal experiences, towards understanding.

 

If I can laugh at my mistakes after recognizing and dealing with them, so can you.

 

You have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom I lack in order to put everything together to fix the problems seen with abilities I do not have. 

Utilize the information within the blog to find genuine repairs and instead of complaining of the "hurtful" commentary, prevent the issues from reoccurring.

Then again, it should not take a head injury to figure that one out.

Do make sure to link my journal blog entry articles to yours if you refer to my works for any of your research in the slightest, for proper credit. 

 

Thank you, in advance.

REMEMBER:

After the head injury caused a coma while I learned how to deal with the headaches, migraines, cognitive disorders, memory problems, and other medical conditions I went from College Algebra with Trigonometry & Calculus down to 2nd grade math.  Here is how logic works for someone like me::

~  It took awhile for the doctor's recommendation to use sticky notes, to help remember.

~  It took several months to realize sticky notes moved, let alone to remember to speak with the doctor.

~  After I finally remembered to ask the doctor about the note problem, notebooks were recommended.

~  When I could remember to pick up a notebook, it took a long time to learn similar to sticky notes, notebooks are not always where they were placed.

~  After I was able to organize the notebooks over several months I still had not learned notebooks are not always readily available, at the necessary time.

~  When I remembered to speak with the doctor about the notebook problem the doctor had few other suggestions, to assist memories better.

~  After several events and adding up sticky note and notebook location problems, I realized my skin goes everywhere I do.

~  Wanting my tattoos to only be for me and not for public consumption I started the ink on my legs, able to hide easier.

~  It would not be until many tattoos and several years later I would realize my memory problems were usually not as bad when wearing shorts, capri pants, or a skirt.

~  Between 3-5 years after my first tattoo I had the first tattoo completed on my arms, and my memory has slowly progressed towards an easier memory jolt.

 

 

When I say "it should not take a head injury to figure this out" it is partially in humor from personal experiences, towards understanding.

 

If I can laugh at my mistakes after recognizing and dealing with them, so can you.

 

You have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom I lack in order to put everything together to fix the problems seen with abilities I do not have. 

Utilize the information within the blog to find genuine repairs and instead of complaining of the "hurtful" commentary, prevent the issues from reoccurring.

Then again, it should not take a head injury to figure that one out.

Do make sure to link my journal blog entry articles to yours if you refer to my works for any of your research in the slightest, for proper credit. 

 

Thank you, in advance.

Remember, since I was either six or seven years old I have been giving warnings as to the best of my ability as to the visions I had which began when I was in second grade of Elementary school.  The first warning I gave officially as to my nightmare vision compared to my dream vision was in the year of 1988 or 1989, compared to the online writings and my books as well as my journal blog entries year timeline for the information.


If anyone is upset please direct your upset towards those who had made the choices to constantly needlessly block my warnings and/or try to explain otherwise as to their trying to curb their responsibilities, in comparison to the responsible and respectful choices as best as I could possibly do so as a child starting as to such information at the age of when I was six in 1988 or seven years old in 1989.


I made every attempt to inform as best as I possibly could, though hopefully the clarifications throughout my various books and writings as well as journal blog entries compared to the amount of people in multiple areas which I had spoken with about in person from the years of 1988 or 1989 through to 2012 more continuously before 2013. 


In the year of 2019 is when I began reviewing such details and onward through the years since 2019 more officially, however I made the attempts to give the warnings and what others' choices have been as to whatever proof thereof to who you should be speaking with as to what they told you in comparison as to the upset and anger with in comparison.


How many assistances I have made attempt towards betterment as to the clarifications from the year of 1988 or 1989 onward did it truly have to take for each to genuinely pay attention, as I have been making the best attempts to assist for the best possibilities how?

Combining Original Accounts for Clarification: #44 of 88

In reference of combining all of my journals I wrote through my original #fetlife account which I will post the link at the bottom for the clarifications thereof, I am going to have the transparency brought forward as to what can be seen from the original posting dates as to the current timeframe of this day 28 November 2021 for those to see as to my original #Facebook accounts of Susan MeeLing as well as Lady Dori Belle for the additional ability to see the connection links as to what I had discussed for many years and decades in person as well as online as to such factors as best as I could as to the circumstances. Possibly such details will assist to make sense, in the comparisons thereof as to the amounts of details though in addition I do not pretend or hide myself from my truth which others should realize it is important to be honest and truthful in many more ways than just in one or two moments as it is imperative to be more capable to recognize the truth in such aspects of life for far more than some might have realized despite all of my warnings as to what I knew to bring forward to assist as best as possible.




I will begin with posting my newer updated journals from my original account and work backwards as to the irony I noticed. There will be plenty to read in the ways of, whether or not you choose to venture into the areas of the website fetlife.



Posted on 27 December 2012 though edited for the correcting updates on 29 November 2021 as to noticing several situations...



Day Ten: 1 confession...the LAST day...



Day Ten: 1 confession...

27 December 2012



Wow...from The List's beginning...all the way until today...just wow...




As I have said before, I thought that this was going to be fairly easy, for I thought I knew myself well enough. However, going through each day, one by one...I have made myself honestly and truly delve within the depths of my soul to reach for all answers that I could possible think of, at the time, for every question...




Much has gone through my thoughts before each Writing, during each Writing...and long after each Writing...



...



I took nothing lightly, though, of course, being me; I made a few smart ass comments here and there...but nothing nearly as much as usual...




The List has definitely opened my eyes to more of an insight of who I am and how I became as such, through the time that I have been on this planet, to my coma, to my ex-marriage, to my family, to my friends, and beyond...but mostly...beyond anything that I could have ever thought or expected...and I am ever-so thankful for you, _rhonda for posting this for me to find and work on.




Personally, I think that at some point...and maybe even at a variety of times throughout the course of one's life...one should look into answering these questions for themselves, whether or not they feel the need to post it publicly.



...



Why did I choose to post this publicly?



Simple, really.



I wanted physical representation of what all I thought of, went through, and the like. That is first and foremost. I wanted to SEE in black and white...



Secondly, because I am not and was not afraid to make what is me and what makes me tick a public knowledge...for...I despise those stupid little shits who send me cock pic avatars who exist within the realm of fetlife... I HOPE that these people who claim to be interested...actually READ before writing a message to me...



...though I doubt it... ...sigh...



The third reason, kind of ties into the second reason, a little bit...but in an EXTREMELY different way... As I am not afraid to be myself, as I am one of the first people who will willingly delve into the depths of who I truly am inside, what makes and keeps me happy, and what I will not tolerate...sometimes, I need someone whom I am friend's with, ~ to look over things....maybe teach me something new by a comment that is made...or messages sent...or whatever communication happens...



BTW: ONLY those whom I actually give a concern about, honestly matter to me when it comes to opinions...not just random ass wipes who think that being sarcastic is actually aiding the situation...but I guess...maybe even then...I technically DO learn something...



I guess, it is what it is...




Anyway, the 4th and final reason that I am going to write about; as there are other reasons, but just not as poignant...well...at least...in my opinion...




This is a reason unto itself, however, at the same time; it adds parts of #1 and #3 together, in order to make #4...I guess, ironically...especially since this IS the order of importance...but I digress...




...I want others who may come across the Writings or The List to see, that it can actually be completed and accomplished...




I want others to look within themselves to find what is best for them and what is no longer needed for their highest good to create the happiness within themselves and within their worlds...so there is less suffering for them...even in the smallest way...




...whether or not they do...of course...that is completely up to that individual. However, at least, they have seen that the list can be accomplished, with dedication; and can aid one to see things differently...should one allow themselves to...




If it helps just 1 person...it has been worth it to post publicly...




So...those are some of my reasons...




It is what it is...




...




However, now it is time to finish and finalize The List of Exercises that I first began 10 days ago...




So, without further adue...




Day Ten: One confession...

As usual...being me...I cannot adhere to the directions...so...once again..I am going to change the rules, for myself...

Instead of 1 Confession...I am going to write about 2 Confessions...each one extremely different from the other...




...sigh...




I do not honestly know which Confession is going to be harder for me to admit to...but both weigh so heavily on my soul...so...at this point...this is why I have chosen to write about the 2 things that bears so many burdens upon me...mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually...

...well...here it goes...

  • CONFESSION #1:

This one has to do with the military and my "service" within the Army...




I have never really gone into the actual details of how I ended up with my injury from the Drill Sergeant, beyond explaining that he smoked me continuously, before shaking me violently and throwing me into the metal bunk; knocking me into a coma, and ending up with all of my medical conditions...




With this, I must start from the VERY beginning of when I first entered the Army...well...to be quite poignant on timing...exactly around the time of 3.5 months before I entered the service...




I have gone on and on about how I have ALWAYS admired the military Fe/Males who give their life and their freedoms up, in order to uphold freedom for civilians; from the time I first saw my 1st soldier at Fort Monmouth in New Jersey...all the way up to now...




Around 3.5 months before I joined the Army; I graduated a semester early from high school. I was supposed to graduate a whole year early, with how I had planned my high school schedules each year...but...when my family moved from New Jersey to Illinois...SO MANY credits were not accepted...sigh...



Though in my opinion should have been and should be considered for the acceptances thereof in my opinion officially, as the resending of such details should be considered for the clarification portions thereof for the genuinity thereof as proven.




SIDE NOTE: Please explain to me how Latin is not considered a foreign language in Crystal Lake, Illinois? Now Latino or Latina, Latin as in the Greco-Roman Latin.



Because...last time I checked...the "language" that is foreign to MOST people to begin with...is Latin... Yes, it is the basis of the 5 Romantic Languages and the beginning of the English language with Greecian heritage...but seriously...I could not have 1 year granted to me for credit out of the 3 YEARS that I excelled in that class??? Because it was "not a foreign language"...HOW IS LATIN NOT A FOREIGN LANGUAGE???




...ugh...




YES...I am STILL bitter about that...that meant extra time with the situations of the school that I did not like or get along with...sigh...but in some ways...it was a good thing...as I helped some people along the way in Illinois...




...unknowingly, until I was told...but helped them along the way nonetheless...




The last day of school was the most bittersweet day ever...sigh...College Algebra with Trigonometry and Calculus...my favorite class for so many reasons...the teacher...my friends...and then...the last day of school...Dan K.... I never knew what I did to help him...and he did not go into detail beyond "No one has ever done that for me...in all my years of school...no one has ever helped me..."




...sigh...




I do not think I will ever forget what that male taught me that day...




No matter what I am doing...as long as I think that it is for the morally or the ethically correct reasons...in SOME way...it can help someone that sees, more than I could ever know...or realize...or understand...and THAT is a good reason to be true to oneself...and be compassionate towards humanity...




...




Rest in peace...for your soul had to bear too much...no matter how beautiful you were within...it was a shame no one saw it... For you...whenever I hear "Vincent" by Don McClean...you always come to my thoughts...and I always hope blessings to your soul...wherever it is...as to Daniel who I had known in Crystal Lake South in Crystal Lake Illinois.




...




Honestly...a part of what happened between he and I truly enforced my whole ideals of wanting to join the service, even more; and as soon as I could...I drove my happy ass over to the recruiter's station by the grocery store's shopping strip.




Talking with the recruiters, I had a ball, as I knew their language and they did not have to go over much information with me...even though they still did...by some laws... ...Rattcliff???...I think he was my recruiter... (and just as an F.Y.I.: THAT male was one hell of a sex symbol...DAMN!!! He was FINE!!! Tall...dark brown - almost black hair...BLUE eyes... ...ugh... Just thinking about his looks, gets me wet...mmmm...though if that is the correct name in the reference of the brunette male)




...ahem...




re-adjusts self




...




I joined the Army, after fighting my parents tooth and nail, for them to emancipate me and allow me to live my life the way that I saw that I wanted to...perhaps...had I waited until I was 18 years old to join...maybe this incident would not have happened...or maybe it would have materialized in a different manner...I do not know...and I will not nor do I care to know...for that is the past...and the past needs to stay exactly there...in the past...




As I have said before, Zero Week was easy as pie...I mean...all one had to do was pay attention to the list of instructions that one was given BEFORE leaving the state that they came from. If one packed more than what was allowed or if one packed contraband...well...one was smoked to high heaven...and that was JUST during Zero Week.




My training group went through the typical process of getting uniforms and having shots given (damn that Pen... shot is a BITCH!!!) as we meandered through whatever the Sergeants in charge of us showed us or took us to.




Throughout the entire time we were in Zero Week; we were constantly checked on and had to check in...to EVERY



SINGLE PART OF THE BASE...




F***...THAT took FOREVER...sigh...




"Hurry up and wait..."




...YEPPERS!!!...




Finally, it came to the time for everyone to weigh in, test the bodies of all who were there, and weed out those who needed to go to "Fat Camp" before they were even allowed to be considered to go on to Basic Training.




The Sergeants ALWAYS look for the show offs...and so do I...but in a different manner...




So, when it was time for each trial of athletics; the Sergeants would get everyone riled up to do their best and blah blah blah; before asking the final question for ANYONE who answered...



"Who has experience in this ____?"




And of course, there was always the 1 jackass who would run their mouth off about being champion for their state in one field or another...and every single time...those retards who drew attention to themselves, would be expected to hold the "high standard" for everyone to achieve for that activity.




My FAVORITE was the 1 mile run...it was the very last PT Test exercise left to weed out the weak.




BEFORE I LEFT, I KNEW NOT TO HAVE MY NAME KNOWN...be invisible and the Sergeants will not fuck with you AS much...




So, this 1 female stands up after the question was asked, because not ONE person realized what the Sergeants were doing...well...most didn't, anyway...




She was from somewhere in the southern states, and she was PROUD that she won 1st Place in whatever State Competitions that she had been a part of for Track and Field.




...oh yeah...this one got my competitive nature going...




...so...I took it upon myself to keep my mouth shut (as I was going to do anyway) about my Track and Field experience.



I did not want to write a check that my ass could not cash...and...once again...I was NOT going to give the Sergeants any ammo against me...because I knew that everything that goes on during Zero Week...is reported to the Drill Instructors...so the reality of my assistance they are prepared...and my safety and security as to what I knew would have to come forward as to the full clearing of my name and all such portions thereof to take the situations and remove the binds thereof as to the truth revealed as to the actualities of what I have assisted with in the comparisons as to what I have been falsely accused of.




The males were the first ones to race, and the jerk off who went on about his T&F experience, was finished in 2nd Place.



The Sergeants gave him HELL for not coming in 1st Place, for all of the smack that he had talked about his level of experience.




I looked at the female who went and spouted her mouth off watch everything unfold...and I watched her eyes grow big...




Hee hee hee...




I was "Ranger 13" when it came to sounding off for each completed lap, and if the Sergeants did not acknowledge your call; it never happened and you had another lap to run.




I was in the 3rd group to start off and the female who went shooting her mouth off was in the 1st group...actually..."Ranger 13" to be frank...which...of course, they did on purpose... When the starter pistol went off for my group; I took off and I never looked back, with the exception to make sure that my "Ranger 13" was accounted for. And in all honesty, it was not until I was 1/4-1/2 around the track that the Sergeant told me to stop, for I was completed in my part. So, I bolted off to the center grass to calm down.




At the end of everything; hee hee hee...where is that halo again???...




The female who started a large amount of the drama in Basic Training did not make the Top 5...let alone the Top 10...she made the bottom of the Top 15...for the bottom ranking in the comparisons as to what I was informed of later as to my personal ranking scores.



Hee hee hee...and she got SO MUCH SHIT for that!!! LOL!!! (another sign that I was a Sadist long before I came to the BDSM Lifestyle...LOL)



I...on the other hand...was the only female who made the Top 10...let alone the Top 5...and actually...I won/earned 3rd Place out of the entire group...



Seeing her face with that...PRICELESS!!!




However, I did not think that my good deeds would be noticed or paid much attention to...and I was wrong...Zero Week ended for me...or...well...Zero Week-ish ended for me...and the recruits and I were loaded on the cattle cars and driven across the tracks for everyone to end up at the "Star-ship"...that was what it was called at Fort Sill Oklahoma.




As we unloaded, the Drill Sergeants were flying off the handle and yelling at everyone who was not getting in gear, fast enough. I grabbed my stuff and I fell into line.




The typical 1st Week of Basic Training went by...the mind fucks...the sweat sessions...the training classes on everything from what STD someone can catch (and how bad it can get and what it looks like...SO VERY MUCH WHY I AM SO CAREFUL AND SELECTIVE!!!) to procedures to drill to ranking to marching to courses to so on and so forth...I remember bits and pieces of some classes and training sessions...but only small bits and pieces...




Anyway, at some point in time; we went to either the CCC or COC course and I did not realize that my athletic abilities shown above all others...including most males in my Company...




...sigh...




Apparently...some General took notice of me and it pissed off one of the other Drill Sergeants...he began to fuck with me in every single way possible...




I found out later, he had the "Alpha Platoon" with all of the cherry soldiers...except me, apparently... Also, his Platoon was majority male based...he had a few females from what I remember...but even those females he messed with mercilessly...




Later...meaning YEARS later...meaning...2012...I was at the Midnight Rope-a-Ho bar with an ex-friend; and she was enjoying her specials while I just pretty much stood around and smoked my cigarettes looking at everyone...and being on the watch out for retards who needed to be checked into their place, if they had gotten to close...




Anyway, this male approaches me out of no where and just stares at me for a little bit before I mouth off some smart assed comment about what the hell he was staring at...and...well...I was put into MY place that night...




He did not yell at me or anything of the sort...but he messed with me needlessly me to the point of today...and beyond...for a while...at the very least...until he realized who I had been the entire time...




He did not start off with a "Hi, my name is___"; ~ NO! ~ ...he started off asking me questions about my past...my past that NO ONE knew...and I instantly started to freak out inside as I had not known anyone in YEARS who knew any of the things that he had asked me...meaning...since Basic Training...




The only things that I will write about his questions are:

  • 1.) He knew what my hair looked like before, when I joined the Army...and then HOW it was cut, when a trip to the PXtra was allowed for those who wanted to cut their hair. ...knowing that fact alone ended up knocking my drink over; that was sitting on the fence, across from me, near no one, and no other people were near the fence on any point, at the time...kinda spooky...and it WAS witnessed by another person...

...ANYWAY...

  • 2.) He knew what Company I was in...and described the logo for my specific Platoon that I was in...

  • 3.) He named off my Drill Instructors that were head of my Platoon...and I remembered 2 out of the 5...

There was plenty more...because I could not believe...or...well...understand who he was or how he knew me...until he told me that he was a Drill Instructor for one of the other Platoons...




We talked for a bit...and in the end, I was told about the General who had noticed me; why the Drill Sergeant who attacked me - did...as well as something I did not know...that I was the first round of an experiment to see whether or not co-ed could work at Fort Sill, Ok...being an Armory base...among much else that I am not going to discuss...I was...and still am...in shock from all that he told me...from what I can remember...as the whole conversation became a blur at some point...




...




So...what is my 1st Confession???




...




Because, from everything above, as well as everything that I have previously written, on the subject of my injury...I have been completely open and honest about my injury...98%...




Here is the 2% that I left out...




My 1st Confession is...that Drill Sergeant who was messing with me...as much as I "took" everything given to me...from all areas of the spectrum...my confession is...before that incident happened...




...I had allowed everything that the particular Drill Sergeant in mention affect me and come down on me, that day...

I suppose...maybe that is why I went to church...looking back...I became at peace with my soul at that point; after the services were over, and on our way back to the barracks.




I became extremely suicidal that night...and I confess...I allowed that DS to get the best of me...I had tried...and obviously failed...to kill myself that night...I allowed him to get the best of me...and...he won...though in such realistic aspects...did he actually win or did he have the perception he won in comparison to the actualities of the realities in full when such details would inevitably come out and go forward?




Later on...after some more training before lights out...I started to drift off to sleep...




...and then...at some point...we were woken up by him and another Drill Sergeant...and...well...the rest...is history...




So...in short...after all of that rambling...my 1st Confession is:


I was suicidal before the Drill Sergeant attacked me as to the situations of how everything combined was beyond the words of the situations I saw coming forward in the combinations of the nightmare visions at the same time...and I acted upon it...as it is not a weakness to acknowledge such as it is a strength to acknowledge such as to the ways of what assistances in the comparisons thereof as I had worried I was going to fail and nothing had happened to try to make me die...and no one caught me...but...



...nonetheless...what ended up happening...did...once I realized that I actually COULD handle things...




...so I thought...

  • CONFESSION #2

As I have been working on this Writing throughout today...it is now almost 8:30pm...and I began somewhere around 8:15am...and I still have my second confession...



...so...



...sigh...



This one...I am going to TRY to keep brief...or as short as possible...TRY is the key word...we shall see...

Most who know me, know that my marriage to my ex-husband, the father of my children was...abusive...to say the least...

Some people obviously know more than others about the ins and outs of my marriage to Robert...

NOT that this makes anything that I am going to confess justified...however...I am going to point out a few known and unknown facts about what I went through...

  • My now dead-ex-husband Robert "accepted" the fact that I had all of my medical conditions, from my head injury. He knew about the headaches, migraines, loss of memory, cognitive disorders, and so on...however...it was not until after his injury that he admitted that he used every bit of my injury that he could, to mold me into the wife that he wanted me to be. He told me that he knew that I was too timid to look outside of anything that he said, because in my eyes, he had "proven himself" to be a good male. He said, at first, it was not on his mind...but as he went through college and was earning his degrees...it became an interest of his...and...well...the rest happened...

  • I have already dove into how Robert believed in Niccolo Machiavelli and everything that he said, to the point of naming the Miniature Schnauzers "Nick" and "Princess"...

  • I had my suspicions...I finally had confirmation, once again, after his so-called injury in the Army...he had cheated on me...multiple times...with multiple females...and acknowledged such which in turn the ways of how the respect as to such loyalty referencing if I were to ever be involved in a relationship again would be to such levels of manadtory loyalty and faithfulness...I simply could hope in comparison to believe...

...sigh...



At such time in December 2007 he went so far as to remind me of the night that I did a strip tease for him...and when I finished to the situation of regarding him...he got up to leave because he did not want to tell me that he had a date...and...well...he did not want my "scent" near him when he was in his atmosphere...




JUST AS AN F.Y.I.:

...and he told me that he was going to work for the experiments that he was running...which meant he had not ever truly loved me as to the ways which I had arrogantly believed as could ever occur as to myself...sigh...




...as truthfully...who could ever actually love me...? That would mean being able to actually accept me as who I am and to actually be proud of me and proud to genuinely be with me...compared to what I have dealt with...


  • On the other hand...when I was not trying to get my now dead-ex-husband's attention (which he called "bothering" him)...I was doing something wrong then as well, when I would leave him alone to his own devices...for example - homework...

So...at some point in time during our legal only marriage...I was deemed to have the terminology of wifely duties of which was nothing less than rape...and in actuality...I remember the exact time frame...I did not have the chance as what would that truly matter in a location that supposedly claims to care about women's rights and civil liberties as to such points in time as to how small of an amount of time I was awake from my coma before I was pregnant and delivered my two children?



I had just delivered my son a few days...MAYBE 5-7 PUSHING it...probably more like 3-5 days...to the time before actually having been hospitalized at that time in the year of 2001 before the actual delivery...as to the labor timeframe...anyway...



For those who do not know; when a female delivers a child, she is warned by the doctor to NOT have intercourse because the walls of the vagina are healing from...in my words..."pushing out a watermelon in over a 72 hour+ time frame..." and I was ripped and stitched back together...because...well...my hips are tiny...and...well...so are other things...




The first time of which was officially introduced to my vocabulary was after our son was born, and I refused to ever allow such ever again as best as I could prevent it.



...sigh...



  • When I chose to leave my now dead-ex-husband the first time, before our final separation...I was "informed" by that "...according to the law...we are still legally married...in turn...because we are still legally married..."Wifely Duties" are still legally required until legal divorce..." which later I learned otherwise in full as to the right to stand my ground as well as self defense laws in conjunction to ADA and other such Constitutional factors as both within the state of Texas as well as within the United States of America

Those were HIS words, in short...there was a MUCH more detailed explanation that I am just NOT going to go into...




As I said...and as he said...he knew that I was too timid to look outside of the box...and...he knew that I believed what he said was golden...until I learned the truth...



...




I admit that I should have researched...




I admit that I should have looked outside the box...




I admit that the first time that at that time when he physically assaulted me and hit me...when I was pregnant with our son...I KNEW that I should have left then...but he was right...I was too weak...as who was there to actually help and assist me in truth?




Though...it is just an excuse...after my coma, I believed what ANYONE told me that I was told or felt that I could trust, at face value...because that is how I was...and how I am...and I thought all lived that way...ESPECIALLY those who served in the military...




However, just like that claim that he went to and succeeded in Ranger School...it was all false...and when the truth came out it was a relief in multiple ways...and I should have seen it for what it was sooner...and I should have done something when I had the feelings that things were wrong...




However, I felt I was pathetic, I was ignorant, I was uneducated, I was closed off, and I was so many things; that once again are just excuses as to why I allowed to happen to me...as it had...



...sigh...



...

  • I allowed as to not knowing the factors of what the terms were to bring such forward or to whom to bring such forward to as to the timeframes of 2000 through 2007 as to the conversations I dealt with as to the timeframes thereof...to the point of a concussion after being knocked unconscious for a little while...and being left on the cement path...for who knows how long...in the back yard...as he walked off and went back to work...

...sigh...GRANTED...he did come back to the house to check on me (this was during our separation)...and after giving me a "medical exam"; he told me to drive home to my apartment, slowly, and in the right lane...




...sigh...

  • Gods...I cannot count the amount of lies that I found out after he died...and how horrible of a "human being" he was - if one could actually call him that...



AND HERE IS WHERE WE FINALLY GET TO CONFESSION #2...

In my heart of hearts...I wished for his death...painfully...and slowly...instead all that occurred was he could not deal with all of the ridicule from the stolen valor as to the dress blues as to the ways which was brought forward as to "Finding A Silver Lining (Written) By: (Reverend) Susan MeeLing" as well as my journal blog on my wesbie www. susanmeeling .com #TheOrneryPSA The Ornery PSA.



...




I know that no matter what he put me through, that thought should have never crossed my mind...




...and a part of me DOES feel guilty...while other parts of me feel justified because of all that he did to me...from the guns in my face to wake me up; to the knives to my throat to wake me up; to the random yo-yo-ing; to the fact that he killed my dog and he did not even have the decency to use a reasonable sized calliber - for he only used a 22 revolver...not even at least ONE of his Glocks...other 45s...and so on...




For f*** sake! I bought him 3 DIFFERENT GUN SAFES:

1.) for his rifles, 2.) for his pistols, and 3.) for the keys to all of the damn different gun locks I had to buy because he thought that putting guns on top of the shelf in the closet was an acceptable way to keep guns away from kids...




Oh...then there WAS gun safe #4...THAT one was AWESOMENESS...and I wish I never gave it away, just so I could have it...




It was a mahogany wood gun safe...that had a radio...and an alarm clock...and unless one got right up on top of the piece to see...there was the keypad for the code to get into the safe...




...yes...I am still kicking myself for giving that gun safe away...of ALL of the gun stuff...THAT is the 1 piece I regret not having...it was PURELY BADA$$!!!

...

...anyway...back to the confession...and to end this Writing...




I admit...I did wish for his death to come to him before my eyes...and damn it...I got what I wished for...and all of the consequences that followed...as there were some good consequences as to some indifferent consequences as well as some bad consequences...I have hoped for more of the positive and good into the great aspects for my betterment as to such factors...though I have not really been capable to see as to such aspects as to how I view the aspects as to the world...as I could not understand as to the occurrences I was dealing with without any assistance in the ways which were actually beneficial to me or my son or my daughter as to how much I continuously had to defend the three of us while the situations were as to how the situations were...



Few paid any attention to the timing as well as the realities as to the IG and the EO portions in conjunction to the CID, which I thought was enough for people who knew such aspects to figure out there was a massively huge situation as to those in reference to surviving the aspects of a TBI. For such lengths of time I was the only one who saw the importance of until one day I found out about the Warrior Transition Unit which once was Medical Hold Unit, and I saw a beacon of hope as to others not having to go through what I went through.



I began hoping more and more from such a sight, though the saying as to it is better when I am in a good mood than a bad mood as in such references it is best when I am in a great mood in any other such comparisons as to what was noticed, when I was younger as a child and teenager as to the ways which such aspects tend to go as to the dependent aspects as to my mood in a multitude of situations. I learned as I saw the ways which when I am in a consistent good mood as to the differences in multitudes thereof, though that requires the truth as well as the 10 Commandments. Few people believed me, at this point it is what it is though I am fairly certain I may have proven such inadvertently in the comparisons to having had to explain the situations over and over again.





www. fetlife .com/users/484330/posts/1334793



The ways of such situations as to how the aspects as to "The Modern Day Book (Written) By: Reverend Susan MeeLing" as to the situations of the times as explained in "Finding A Silver Lining (Written) By: (Reverend) Susan MeeLing", however the situations thereof are the situations thereof. I do hope still, though it is what it is as to such factors.





Comments


Remember, since I was either six or seven years old I have been giving warnings as to the best of my ability as to the visions I had which began when I was in second grade of Elementary school.  The first warning I gave officially as to my nightmare vision compared to my dream vision was in the year of 1988 or 1989, compared to the online writings and my books as well as my journal blog entries year timeline for the information.


If anyone is upset please direct your upset towards those who had made the choices to constantly needlessly block my warnings and/or try to explain otherwise as to their trying to curb their responsibilities, in comparison to the responsible and respectful choices as best as I could possibly do so as a child starting as to such information at the age of when I was six in 1988 or seven years old in 1989.


I made every attempt to inform as best as I possibly could, though hopefully the clarifications throughout my various books and writings as well as journal blog entries compared to the amount of people in multiple areas which I had spoken with about in person from the years of 1988 or 1989 through to 2012 more continuously before 2013. 


In the year of 2019 is when I began reviewing such details and onward through the years since 2019 more officially, however I made the attempts to give the warnings and what others' choices have been as to whatever proof thereof to who you should be speaking with as to what they told you in comparison as to the upset and anger with in comparison.


How many assistances I have made attempt towards betterment as to the clarifications from the year of 1988 or 1989 onward did it truly have to take for each to genuinely pay attention, as I have been making the best attempts to assist for the best possibilities how?

REMEMBER:

After the head injury caused a coma while I learned how to deal with the headaches, migraines, cognitive disorders, memory problems, and other medical conditions I went from College Algebra with Trigonometry & Calculus down to 2nd grade math.  Here is how logic works for someone like me::

~  It took awhile for the doctor's recommendation to use sticky notes, to help remember.

~  It took several months to realize sticky notes moved, let alone to remember to speak with the doctor.

~  After I finally remembered to ask the doctor about the note problem, notebooks were recommended.

~  When I could remember to pick up a notebook, it took a long time to learn similar to sticky notes, notebooks are not always where they were placed.

~  After I was able to organize the notebooks over several months I still had not learned notebooks are not always readily available, at the necessary time.

~  When I remembered to speak with the doctor about the notebook problem the doctor had few other suggestions, to assist memories better.

~  After several events and adding up sticky note and notebook location problems, I realized my skin goes everywhere I do.

~  Wanting my tattoos to only be for me and not for public consumption I started the ink on my legs, able to hide easier.

~  It would not be until many tattoos and several years later I would realize my memory problems were usually not as bad when wearing shorts, capri pants, or a skirt.

~  Between 3-5 years after my first tattoo I had the first tattoo completed on my arms, and my memory has slowly progressed towards an easier memory jolt.

 

 

When I say "it should not take a head injury to figure this out" it is partially in humor from personal experiences, towards understanding.

 

If I can laugh at my mistakes after recognizing and dealing with them, so can you.

 

You have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom I lack in order to put everything together to fix the problems seen with abilities I do not have. 

Utilize the information within the blog to find genuine repairs and instead of complaining of the "hurtful" commentary, prevent the issues from reoccurring.

Then again, it should not take a head injury to figure that one out.

Do make sure to link my journal blog entry articles to yours if you refer to my works for any of your research in the slightest, for proper credit. 

 

Thank you, in advance.

REMEMBER:

After the head injury caused a coma while I learned how to deal with the headaches, migraines, cognitive disorders, memory problems, and other medical conditions I went from College Algebra with Trigonometry & Calculus down to 2nd grade math.  Here is how logic works for someone like me::

~  It took awhile for the doctor's recommendation to use sticky notes, to help remember.

~  It took several months to realize sticky notes moved, let alone to remember to speak with the doctor.

~  After I finally remembered to ask the doctor about the note problem, notebooks were recommended.

~  When I could remember to pick up a notebook, it took a long time to learn similar to sticky notes, notebooks are not always where they were placed.

~  After I was able to organize the notebooks over several months I still had not learned notebooks are not always readily available, at the necessary time.

~  When I remembered to speak with the doctor about the notebook problem the doctor had few other suggestions, to assist memories better.

~  After several events and adding up sticky note and notebook location problems, I realized my skin goes everywhere I do.

~  Wanting my tattoos to only be for me and not for public consumption I started the ink on my legs, able to hide easier.

~  It would not be until many tattoos and several years later I would realize my memory problems were usually not as bad when wearing shorts, capri pants, or a skirt.

~  Between 3-5 years after my first tattoo I had the first tattoo completed on my arms, and my memory has slowly progressed towards an easier memory jolt.

 

 

When I say "it should not take a head injury to figure this out" it is partially in humor from personal experiences, towards understanding.

 

If I can laugh at my mistakes after recognizing and dealing with them, so can you.

 

You have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom I lack in order to put everything together to fix the problems seen with abilities I do not have. 

Utilize the information within the blog to find genuine repairs and instead of complaining of the "hurtful" commentary, prevent the issues from reoccurring.

Then again, it should not take a head injury to figure that one out.

Do make sure to link my journal blog entry articles to yours if you refer to my works for any of your research in the slightest, for proper credit. 

 

Thank you, in advance.

Model Author Susan MeeLing

It should not take a head injury to figure this out because I thought you are supposed, to be smarter.

If there are those who find such interesting enough to research further to bring forward more information in reference to the forefront for more detailed information, as usual I request the courtesy of the same which I do in reference to how I refer to articles for reference points when writing my journal blog entries; for each one used for reference starting points, to research for clearer understanding from such knowledge.

 

That is common sense, good etiquette, and good karma; whilst lifting others upward, in positive ways.

Quotes which mean a lot to me:

"The ultimate measure of an individual is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand at the time of challenge and controversy."

"We must reject the idea that every time a law is broken society is guilty, rather than the law breaker.  Freedom is never-more than one generation away, from extinction.  We do not pass freedom on through our blood stream because freedom must be fought for, protected, and handed on for the next generation to do the same."

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.  Though best to be able to share in person with who matters, until that time occurs being able to see what is possible through such is a feat to notice.  One must be happy within oneself prior to being happy with another, though such can be enjoyed if living in one's own truth is as such. and then as to the capability to progress forward with another and/or others depending upon the situation(s) and individual(s)."  ~  A Quote From Me, Reverend Susan MeeLing also known as Lady Dori Belle

Me in Black Suit Prepared.JPG

If in anyway I am inaccurate about anything I have written here in this journal blog entry and/or any prior journal blog entry and/or future journal blog entry and/or factual books I wrote and/or videos I have done through my OFFICIAL YouTube Channel Reverend MeeLing, please only contact me through the contact form for the ability to clarify such details in public view fully to fix and repair to rectify the situation(s) as I do not respond to comments in my journal blogs because there thus far have not been any notifications sent to me about such from my website.


In such references if there are any inaccuracies then I will fix and repair such details on my website, as per such.


Though there are the aspects of which if you would like to speak with me in addition to possibilities of opportunities for me, the welcome aspects as to contacting me through my contact form.



If I have known you in person when in person in positive ways and/or ways which might need clarification(s) as to mature discussions, there has always been the welcome open door policy as to contacting me through my contact form if you were not given my new phone number though such is online regarding my website more recently published online as to my Website Business Phone Line: (360)-713-4937.

Thus far there has been only one who has known the contact form area to speak with me on a phone line was simple and capable to do so through, in truth.

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