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Collisions of multiple aspects
A journal entry I wrote years ago originally on fetlife, though I think it might be considered important in this particular time frame just as much now as back then in 2013 which you can see in full at this link: https://fetlife.com/users/484330/posts/1572760
However I am going to add a few points additionally to the original article journal here, on my website.
This older writing is being posted just 5 days after Armed Forces Day, on 18 May 2013. (Armed Forces Day is the 3rd Saturday of every May). This is a writing that was harder for me to write, for several reasons.
Mainly the reasons for why such was so difficult for me had been because of what I was going through in reference to the needs of my son and my daughter, along with the situations at the time which few ever understood at the time of what I was dealing with. While there were some who followed me on my journey in reference to such and those who did usually had some form of understanding through their own personal experiences, such support in person was quite minimal at the times. When I simply needed a shoulder at the most crucial points of things occurring, I simply had only a pillow to bury my head into to scream and cry while coring myself in my comforter blanket. Obviously nowhere near the same as being in the arms of someone who cares, in multiple ways.
First and foremost, I am writing this for all of the females and males who have willingly signed the line to join any of the Armed Forces for the United States of America to become Government Issued (G.I. – the origination of that term) Soldier. Had it not been for these people we, as a nation, the United States of America; would never be allowed to write, speak, or anything else; as we all take for granted in America at times.
Secondly, I write this for anyone looking to have any form of relationship (whether romantic and/or friendship and/or play) with someone who is former service; as the mentality for civilians, for military, and then military who have returned to civilian status ALL have different mind-sets to the laws governing the population at large.
Finally, I write this for myself, as I have been within the #BDSM Lifestyle since I was 22 years old officially compared to the times of childhood when I walked into places I should not have been; being introduced to The Scene in 2004, officially. I am former military actually, as I am “Medically Retired” from the #Army due to a Head Injury that I sustained in 2000 when I was 17 years old; in my Basic Training, due to a Drill Sergeant who knocked me into a coma, and “gifting” me with many side-effects from the incident.
If there is a #lawyer who would be able to work on my behalf for this and/or any other portion I have written about which would require such, please do contact me. However admittedly in certain references there might be an aspect in reference of those within the halls of justice finding many who have endured similar aspects and working to get a more overall sort of rectification, though in some other aspects if such is more because of only occurring to me I welcome the assistance and opportunity for such justice for whichever area such might be needed; which includes what I have written about, at any point in time.
Personally, I have watched and experienced soldiers from all different decades interact within The Scene; as well as my own personal experiences in the vanilla realms of existence. One major problem when it comes to (former) soldiers and civilians within the Lifestyle is that the military is a “Lifestyle” unto itself. In civilian life, one only has to keep the state and federal laws within their minds to make their legal choices. Whereas, someone who is military; one must adhere to whatever state’s laws, all federal laws, whatever country’s laws – if stationed overseas, as well as the Universal Code of Military Justice (#UCMJ).
And some wonder why those in the military can be so up-tight? ;-) Look at the rules and regulations in full of the Universal Code of Military Justice and honestly tell anyone, that is not a reason why so many military individuals have a different outlook of the aspects in the civilian sector; though I doubt there are many who could, without not telling the truth.
The laws that must be followed alone, creates a great amount of stress that very few can comprehend in full. Even if a person is a term known as a “military brat” (a parent/guardian who was serving the military), those dependents do not and cannot fathom all that the actual person who was enlisted as an #Officer or as a Chief Warrant Officer #CWO as an enlisted #NCO (Non Commissioned Officer) soldier must deal with.
Not just within the military’s lifestyle, but also when interacting with civilians.
Very few civilians can fully understand that as the military “conditions” the soldiers to be mindful of their surrounding…that means ALL surroundings, at all times.
So if one sees a former soldier looking all throughout a room/area/building there is a point of which most likely they are scoping out the scenery to see what exits are where, who and/or what possible threats could be, emergency stations, where exits are, etcetera. Now add to all regulations that one must follow (also depending on rank and officer versus enlisted versus Non-Commissioned Officer depends on other rules that must be adhered to); the fact that the government makes a VERY SMALL EFFORT to try to reintegrate military personnel back to being a civilian. That portion I have seen is a problem not just for those who are leaving the military service through medical aspects, retirement, and etcetera; though also for law enforcement, fire department, and EMS positions.
The programs, while MUCH better than even 1 decade ago; it still has many areas that do not aid all soldiers; let alone actually assisting the soldiers and their families in a way that truly benefits all and society as a whole. Also, depending upon which era and branch a soldier was/is in, that’s another aspect that needs to be taken into consideration for the person’s mind-set. Someone who was a soldier during the Korean War as a PVT-2 is going to have a different thought process from one who was a Colonel during Desert Shield and/or Desert Storm who will think differently from a E-7 to an O-2 who had not been involved during “War Time”; and so on, up the Chain of #Command.
The final aspect that I will address in this section is:
How the soldier was treated while in service?
Were they state-side or overseas and in another country?
If they were stationed overseas; where?
What vaccines did the soldier receive?
What shots did the person have before/during/after being sent overseas?
Are any shots/vaccines/medications that were/are administered still under consideration by the FDA and/or that have not been approved of for human consumption?
Was said individual within the War Zones?
Were they on the front line or were they in the center of the base where no mortars/explosives could touch?
What was their job?
What did they have to do/go through/endure while overseas?
What was their job assignment overseas?
What was the soldier originally told the mission would be versus what actually happened?
Were they, or anyone that they knew; a Prisoner of War (POW) or killed in action, or Gods forbid; any of this done in front of said individual?
If state-side or overseas, was the person injured?
Were they in Medical Hold/Warrior Transition Unit?
What treatment did/do they have to under-go?
What medications are they on?
As many soldiers are and have transitioned (as best as possible) to the civilian realm of life; many do not comprehend the differences stated above or even the mind-set within the individuals, though some are more willing to understand or at minimum attempt to.
With the influx of injuries ranging from amputees to burn victims to PTSD, to TBIs, to Anthrax injections gone wrong to all between, and beyond; the BDSM Lifestyle must look at the potential issues that one may encounter. When one is interacting with a soldier who is an amputee, there are some common sense things to keep in mind; in some aspects. Other aspects, may not be so available or open to the public knowledge base.
* 1.) Lost Appendage(s)
ONE: If one is within the realm of an amputee, do not stare at the wound. That is rude, first and foremost.
As if they have enough of a complex about their lost limb(s), those actions are only making it worse on their psyche. While I am sure there are those who do not have such issues in such regards and have learned ways to cope with such, it does not change the fact that it took them some time to get to the point of acceptance for such.
TWO: An amputee usually goes through the problem of “Ghost Limb” when originally having whatever accident that caused the situation. “Ghost Limb” is when one swears that the person says that they “feel” the limb and anything that happens to it (i.e. someone bumping into the area, they would scream in agony and pain, even though the appendage is not physically there); however they learn the appendage is not there over time, though there are also aspects which because of muscle memory there are moments which they seemingly go to utilize such limbs and the aspects of frustration then occur for them. In my opinion it is important to give them what they themselves need, for their readjustment to such.
THREE: Please do NOT ask questions about their injuries, what they went through, etc.; unless THAT PERSON brings up the topic. If they feel comfortable enough to talk about what happened, then they will. Do not force them to re-live their incidents any more than they already do.
However, a little known fact about an amputee is that they have a higher amount of concentrated control over the lost limb (especially, if they have a prosthetic replacement); so, fe/males who enjoy penetration WITH a large amount of force and/or vibration…start talking with someone you know and RESPECTFULLY inquire…
* 2.) Burn Victims
Those who have suffered any form of burns from a fire that may have broken out due to [enter reason here; i.e. mortar attack/explosion or an oil fire or etc.], have severe thought issues with their different skin coloration, texture, and so on; from their injuries that were sustained.
Two very simple ideas when presented before said soldier, to keep in mind.
ONE: Do not stare. (See *#1 above)
TWO: Do not inquire about their injuries, unless that person feels comfortable enough to speak about things with you. (See *#1 above)
THREE: Do NOT ask questions about their injuries, what they went through, etc.; unless THAT PERSON brings up the topic. (See *#1 above)
* 3.) PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
PTSD in now recognized within medical textbooks as being a valid mental health disorder. Finally and formally being recognized in the 1980’s, now it is acknowledged as an actual medical condition to respect the aspects of the aftereffects thereof. Once known as shell shock to the community of medical professionals, now it is known to have its own triggering effects. Many people other than military or law enforcement personnel have been through an extremely traumatic event within the civilian realm. Soldiers of all forms; whether Active Duty/Emergency Medical Service individuals/Reservist/Fire Department/National Guard/ Police/ Coast Guard/ etc.; those people are not the only ones who are at risk to be diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as actual traumatic experiences and not the ones caused by the pretending as some hypochondriacs attempt to steal such aspects of medical conditions which does not assist those who actually endure such aspects.
Just because someone is any of the versions of a “city’s soldier” (i.e.: Police/EMS/Fire) or military or Homeland Security and so on; that is not the only career field that can make a person susceptible to being exposed to a traumatic event/injury in one’s life. There are many civilians, whether it is child or adult or elderly or any timeframe in-between, who have been diagnosed with PTSD due to a car accident/assault(s)/and any other experience that lead the individual to having physical, mental, emotional, and sometimes ~ spiritual issues that arise within themselves and then manifest within their reality. Just because one may not have been through extensive training and was in situation(s) that put that person into firing range or forcing them to defend themselves to the death with another being or assault or weaponry or etc.; that does not exclude another from experiencing this illness.
As every one of the above injuries are the same as PTSD within the realm of the medical problems not being exclusive to soldiers.
A few easy thoughts when in front of said person, to keep in mind:
ONE: Do not stare if the person is starting to become aggravated/upset/distraught/having a flashback/etc. (See #1 and #2 above)
TWO: If you are NOT someone who is a medically trained personnel, if you have no experience with mental health, and MOST IMPORTANTLY ~ if you do not know the individual and/or their past; do not get close to the person who is reacting to what it is that they are reliving. Allow the person to have plenty of space to breathe, as when one goes into a manic mode, spatial relation is thrown out of the window. Someone who looks as if they are only a few inches from the affected individual’s body/face; that person may feel that the other who is not knowing of/understanding/involved/previous experience and/or understanding feel very claustrophobic and cause more stress and problems.
THREE: Do not inquire about the cause of their injuries, unless that person feels comfortable enough to speak about things with you. If they choose to discuss such, do not discredit or invalidate the actualities of what they genuinely went through. (See #1 and #2 above)
* 4.) Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)/Head Injury
As the brain is one of the most sensitive organs within the body, if there is a major accident where the head is struck into another object; the damage that could occur may or may not physically manifest to where another person would be able to look at the affected to say, “Yes. That person has for-sure had a #TBI because I see [enter physical condition here, i.e. drooping or lazy or wandering eyes or loss of use in certain body areas/parts].” For the most part, most who have met someone who has been a victim to circumstance would not be able to tell a TBI from a non-TBI individual as most of the damage is done to the brain itself. As the brain is held within the skull which is filled with and surrounded by many different layers; it is not common to have the ability to distinguish one individual from the next with a TBI. Add to that, all people react physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually different from one another when the exact same event in every single way occurs; such is the same with brain injuries.
Whereas one may have short term memory loss, another may have long term memory loss, and another may have all or a varying of the two. As some may experience loss of function and/or ability, what was once previously more than capable for the individual’s hobby/interests/occupation/etc.; now may be extremely difficult for them to be able to accomplish. Sometimes, that person never regains the knowledge or skills, once so cherished and now interrupted by the damage done to the neurons and cranium activity. Many lose intellect that they once went to schooling to receive formal education; even non-formal information as well. Others develop pain in various points within their body. Usually headaches and/or migraines are very common, but others have had medical issues arise that range from spinal problems, to muscular control issues, to etc.
A lot of people become sensitive to lights, sounds, smells, and/or even touch at random moments as others see “glitter” when they open their eyes to see at times.
Some easy thoughts when in front of said person, to keep in mind. However then there are those who have had head injuries which gain abilities which are not of the natural aspects and seemingly are considered as superhuman abilities, language changes and/or understanding of, musical abilities, strength in ways which are above and beyond normal measures, capabilities to read energy waves in different frequencies, and etcetera in an array of aspects.
ONE: If there is a physical conditioned that formed from the trauma; do not stare. (See #1, #2, and #3 above)
TWO: If the individual out of the blue has a medical issues that arise; do not panic or move too quickly around the affected.
THREE: Do not inquire about the cause of their injuries, unless that person feels comfortable enough to speak about things with you. (See #1, #2, and #3 above)
FOUR: If you are not a medically trained personnel, if you have no experience with anyone with the exact same medical diagnosis, and MOST IMPORTANTLY ~ if you do not know the individual and/or their past; do not get close to the person who is reacting to their medical issues, unless you actually have the ability to assist with such. Allow the person to have plenty of space to breathe, as when one goes into a manic mode, spatial relation is thrown out of the window. Someone who looks as if they are only a few inches from the affected individual’s body/face; that person may feel that the other who is not knowing of/understanding/involved/previous experience and/or understanding feel very claustrophobic and cause more stress and problems. (See #3 above)
FIVE: Because the brain is a delicate organ and the slightest bit of damage can cause major effects after the incident, there is no such thing as consistency with someone who has suffered a TBI.
In one moment, the individual can appear to be “ok” (though inside the attack is bound to happen shortly), the next second the person suffering from a TBI can not comprehend where they are located and/or who they are with and/or what they were talking about and/or who they were speaking to on the phone and/or etc.
With the amount of soldiers that have returned as well as those who are/will return to the civilian world; but in this instance, within the BDSM Lifestyle; we as a community need to begin to be aware of those who are entering or who have/will enter the Lifestyle and their medical diagnosis.
The military does not recondition soldiers to return to the civilian life…if there are few resources for those individuals within the “normal” realm of society…then…what do we, as a community, need to look at to aid the soldiers in the BDSM world?
No two people will ever have the exact same injury, though there can be some similar after effects though not the exact same.
No two individuals will react the same way in any form, to each individual circumstance.
No two bodies are completely and 100% identical, even twins have been found to have multiple differences albeit sometime fractional.
Therefore, no two people will have the same aftermath from any injury.
If not for the law enforcement, those who put their life on the line to protect/defend, and military, in the United States of America, we would not have the freedoms that we all enjoy and some have taken for granted.
These males and females have given up all of their personal liberties for others, and in the end of their service; they usually leave with many issues and problems versus having all of the “benefits” that many people think that a soldier receives throughout their service time; as well as long after.
Instead of fearing the unknown…be aware and learn…
As a side not while there are those who only have the aspects of BDSM in reference of the bedroom, there are those who live such each day no matter where the location is. For example I personally have a Dominant personality, though I am strong enough in my own Dominance that I know when to stand back and when to step forward. In such that terminology technically makes me a Master, despite the additional aspect of actually earning the title of Master/Teacher back in 2005 well before going further into the BDSM community and mores-so in reference of the aspects of the healing energetic aspects; though in humility I keep the terminology as Dominant, because a true Master knows, understands, and comprehends that at some points there will be when a student teaches the Master something new as a Master will open the eyes in different ways to each student as needed for their education.
However while I am very much as I am there are the aspects of which I am a Sadist especially in reference to the justice aspects as most who seek justice have that taste for such, however there is a balancing needed for such in an ethical and moral way. As a Mom there is the points of which being a Mom means knowing when it is time to be compassionate and when it is time to be harsh for the lessons to be learned when punishment is to be given, though the aspects of not crossing over the extremely thin line is of importance to pay attention to in order to not be abusive in any way or shape or form. In such ways of looking at life in the ways I do, then is the aspect of the fact there are those who go into the religious and spiritual aspects in reference of the Lifestyle; in such aspects of which since I am extremely spiritual in various ways, the points thereof in reference to living such 24/7 while knowing when to not bring certain portions in and when to. For example the aspects in reference of my son and my daughter were never in a sexualized way ever, as that is not the aspects of which to parent in a good way.
The aspects of knowing when to have a firm metaphorical hand in responses, is an aspect which can be reviewed for certain situations; though not in a sexual way, once again for clarification. I have a strong personality and some might say that is the understatement of the century however the aspects of when knowing, understanding, and comprehending when the moment to be strong and stand up in comparison to being strong enough to take a step back and let others with far more experience and understanding to shine and be able to bring forward better explanations is an extremely important aspect as well.
There was a point in time of my life which I was heavily involved within the lifestyle of the BDSM/LGBTQP/Swinger aspects and though such are of a varying degree of importance in various ways, it is not the only aspect of who I am. I have not hidden such nor been ashamed of such, though I know there have been many who have been ashamed of me being involved in their lives. In many ways, I cannot express in words the pain that has left for me to deal with. However none can truthfully say, I did not willingly stand by and with them at various times. Maybe one day that revival will occur and maybe not, however I cannot change who I am to appease someone else. I can only simply, just be myself. Though I accept others as they have come to me as who they have presented themselves to me as, in certain aspects the ways of which such acceptance had not been reciprocated in either the short term and/or the long term has been what it has been.