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It should not take a head injury

*after personally sustaining a head injury & coma*

to figure this out...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Satirical Blog

*(utilizing articles discussing facts)*

By:  Susan MeeLing

After the head injury caused a coma while I learned how to deal with the headaches, migraines, cognitive disorders, memory problems, and other medical conditions I went from College Algebra with Trigonometry & Calculus down to 2nd grade math.  Here is how logic works for someone like me::

~  It took awhile for the doctor's recommendation to use sticky notes, to help remember.

~  It took several months to realize sticky notes moved, let alone to remember to speak with the doctor.

~  After I finally remembered to ask the doctor about the note problem, notebooks were recommended.

~  When I could remember to pick up a notebook, it took a long time to learn similar to sticky notes, notebooks are not always where they were placed.

~  After I was able to organize the notebooks over several months I still had not learned notebooks are not always readily available, at the necessary time.

~  When I remembered to speak with the doctor about the notebook problem the doctor had few other suggestions, to assist memories better.

~  After several events and adding up sticky note and notebook location problems, I realized my skin goes everywhere I do.

~  Wanting my tattoos to only be for me and not for public consumption I started the ink on my legs, able to hide easier.

~  It would not be until many tattoos and several years later I would realize my memory problems were usually not as bad when wearing shorts, capri pants, or a skirt.

~  Between 3-5 years after my first tattoo I had the first tattoo completed on my arms, and my memory has slowly progressed towards an easier memory jolt.

 

 

When I say "it should not take a head injury to figure this out" it is partially in humor from personal experiences, towards understanding.

 

If I can laugh at my mistakes after recognizing and dealing with them, so can you.

 

You have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom I lack in order to put everything together to fix the problems seen with abilities I do not have. 

 

Utilize the information within the blog to find genuine repairs and instead of complaining of the "hurtful" commentary, prevent the issues from reoccurring.

 

Then again, it should not take a head injury to figure that one out.

And you thought you had it bad, though hopefully can smile


New Years Eve Party on New Years in 2012

The male who I have my hand on in the picture above in the black suit with matching jacket, white button down shirt, and multicolor tie, wearing eye glasses, with a watch on his left wrist on one knee is named Patrick Kennedy; though the picture has been altered he is the second male from the left side of the picture, next to the male in a suit jacket, button down shirt, with jeans on. The male with a female in a red dress sitting on his lap is Jason, who Patrick Kennedy admitted to having a massive crush on, while the relationship was going on between Patrick Kennedy and I.


I will begin of how I met Patrick Kennedy as it was through a male name Phillip Omstead, as Phillip AKA Donnie_Darko or some variation on fetlife had wanted to expand the relationship, and thought Patrick Kennedy Alpha_Gen_X on fetlife at the time was the ideal individual for the idea despite my personal reservations and though discussions occurred in 2010 towards the month of September, it was not until February 2011 when anything further had occurred after Patrick Kennedy continued to tell me how he knew of the individual I was engaged to the second time was not going to show up when I had utilized tools on Patrick and nothing more. A relationship did not develop officially until around April or May of 2011, as those who knew how I felt about who I had been engaged to twice knew and understood of my feelings and such for that particular individual; despite the reality of me having been extremely closed off, to discussing such in a bigger way. Though I can talk up a storm about a lot of different topics, when it comes to my personal feelings personally it is easier for me to show through actions in comparison to words in those sorts of ways. Before going on further about Patrick Kenedy, I will explain such now in brief.


In reference to who I was engaged to twice because of the lack of words available despite my personal feelings for him, when a situation occurred and knowing I could not explain in writing nor through speaking because of knowing how the reaction would be; I simply ended the relationship, which of course seems odd admittedly. I knew if I were to have told him what occurred he would have done something which would have gotten him out of Basic Training, his dad would hold it above him, his sister would tease him about it, and his mom would not look at him the same way. Then there would be how each would look at me for such truths, and I could not deal with that personally despite knowing if the possibility of such knowledge now would have a way of looking in not the same sort of way though there would be certain aspects which I would be looked at as; though such would not be in a way of the exact same, for the ability for him to choose his own path was more so in comparison to if I had told him comparatively back then initially. He would have responded out of his emotions, in comparison to what he knew he needed to do for himself. Then the after aspects of how he would look at himself in the mirror, I could not bear that responsibility.


However I was serious about the engagement both times, I had even gone as far as purchasing the top portion of what I planned to wear if we had gone down the aisle to get married and even went as far as getting it custom made just for the occasion. Needless to say that purchase having been done during the first engagement which would obviously be before the second engagement and the fact I am not married, informs you of how such occurred in the long run for such at the time. Despite my biological mother despising how much I smiled with him, biological sister hating the fact I was happy with him, and biological father not thinking a as he said "pretty boy" was ideal for me; such had not deterred my feelings to be involved and engaged to him twice, obviously.


I genuinely thought for the longest time that he was the one, though life has gone on as it had. I thought at one point I had seen him when in Lakewood just outside of #JBLM in #Tacoma #Washington, though I shook it off thinking such to be a coinky dink as I doubted it could have been him I saw. Another time I thought I saw him was when so much occurred after my Medal of Honor Art Project began at the club I volunteered to help set up and clear out, as well as another time when at a country dance club; though I simply thought, I was imagining at the time. As so much had occurred, I did not think it was possible and even if so at least thinking back now; would it not be that he would have spoken to me, if so? That is I suppose, unless he despised me that much that he could not bear the thought to speak with me if it was him. I do not know, I do know I am rambling at this point. Thus, back to the original portion in reference to this journal blog entry.


Patrick Kennedy had driven from #Irving #Texas to see me in #CedarPark though at the time, I did not know he was involved with another female in the lifestyle. It was not until months later when I would find out such and though there was an attempt to discuss with her of not knowing of such, the discussion seemed to fall upon deaf ears at the time. I am not the type who would ever knowingly assist someone to cheat, whether or not the relationship is not officially solidified in a more public manner. If I know of such, I am simply not willingly to assist in that manner. Though nonetheless he drove out to see me several times and had wanted to play in the way of the #BDSM aspects, which I had written about and discussed beforehand of the sound deprivation and the song by the #Marine #JoshGracin of "Nothin to Lose" on repeat for hours while utilizing tools. If you look up the lyrics for the song besides the fact I enjoy country music, the beats of the song, and the fast pace; some might be able to literally and figuratively see in the lyrics, why such a song would be quite BDSM in my opinion aside from putting such on repeat. Until weeks had passed by and the deep bruises Patrick had wanted were still there, only weeks afterwards did he begin to complain of not being able to sit down comfortably.


Those who are and/or know Dominant Sadists understand, that is something which is enjoyed and smiled about; thus a submissive masochist complaining about such, is simply icing on the cake.


While there was a point which I lived with Patrick Kennedy as my daughter had been needing to go to a hospital in #Arkansas and to keep the balance for my son with friends he knew at the time in the #DFW area, the move occurred to live in the apartment with Patrick Kennedy in #Irving #Texas before moving to a different apartment complex in Irving because my daughter was to be released from the hospital several months later. Though there were some claims falsely online of moving back to the DFW region for events from the #Austin area, if anyone looked at the time of the amount of events in Austin Texas compared to the Dallas region of the DFW area it would easily be able to be known that Austin had far more events to attend than #Dallas had by many more per week and obviously per month. Only someone too lazy to look at that simple search would have made a false claim to such, and cause such garbage type of drama. Which obviously I did not need anything more to cause problems in my life then or now, as there was enough I was dealing with on my own.


I needed and wanted my life to be easier, not more complex; same thing for my son and my daughter. I need and want my life to be easier, and far less complex. That is not selfish, that is realistic.


As a side not, I have been medically retired from the United States of America's #ArmedForces #Army branch since by technicalities December of 2000. I have yet to actually enjoy actual retirement by what it is I have seen and heard of for such; despite what others thought through their false perceptions, as I cannot remember a full year where I actually ever felt retired or had a retired lifestyle.


However few had realized or at minimum paid attention to the fact I am in constant pain every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year since waking up from the coma from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and while some aspects make things more comfortable and less as painful; there are many aspects which make things needlessly more difficult and more painful for me, which I do not need nor want. For example, the time the additional pain of constant electrocution during the constant already pain when in Washington state. Getting back to the original aspects of this journal blog entry, in reference to my ex-boyfriend since 2012 Patrick Kenedy.


During 2011 he worked as head of security at the Dallas downtown location of Bank of America, which he had taken me to different floors and locations throughout the building I told him as head of security he should not be taking anyone to. While there was realistically no need to worry about me, if he had done so before with other people that is something I considered to be a problem and I did not understand how he as head of security would ever bring anyone to the building and walk them throughout the different areas which needed a scanned identification card to get into. He laughed at me telling me he thought it was not that big of a deal however since I grew up in #NewJersey and knew who I knew as a child as well as my military background despite not having graduated Basic Training, I knew otherwise. Since he had been born and raised in #Philadelphia or #Pittsburg #Pennsylvania, he knew better himself as well as what he did when working in #WestVirginia where he met his ex-wife and mother of his son Aiden who lived in #Ohio at the time.


His son Aiden was another bone of contention as I had told Patrick Kennedy he needed to inform his ex-wife and mother of his son of the payment increase he had gotten from not only being head of security at #BankofAmerica downtown, though also his side job as working as security at #TheLodge #GentlemensClub in the DFW region with his friend John who owned the company. Though Patrick Kennedy also had a problem with the fact I told him he needed to contact his son Aiden more often and spend time with his son, instead of being so irresponsible. Patrick Kennedy did not appreciate my commentary, though such was what it was. I had met his mom and dad and told his mom Rosemary about the problems in reference to her grandson not being taken care of properly by her son as he had not updated the mother of her grandson of the payment increases, as well as informed her of his irresponsibility in reference to why he was fired from Bank of America. Initially it had been because of Patrick Kennedy making private calls from the phone landline to my cellphone number in Austin area code and then I was blamed for Patrick Kennedy making the phone calls by his own admission since he had chosen to do so of his own choice instead of calling from his cell phone and when Patrick Kennedy asked me what to do, I told him to write a check and pay off the balance of what he owed to the owner of Bank of America to make up for what he cost the company.


I was blamed for the choice he made not only for the phone calls though also for telling him to write the check as well as doing so, despite Patrick Kennedy had also informed other people of the security schedule and that was how the #shabari pictures were taken on the outdoor architecture outside the front of the building which Patrick Kennedy was quick to tell me to look on #fetlife to see the pictures done by Dallas_Kink. Who else he had decided to inform of the schedule shift change is in pattern of behaviour for other aspects not only there though also in reference to when he was working at #DeLoitte, though also in reference to when the in-between time of working as a security car driver in the Irving area on patrol as he had a problem with a security officer who I told Patrick had made a comment about my tattoos and we talked for awhile which caused Patrick to become extremely jealous as he already did not get along with the male for whatever his excuse was at the time. I did make a call to DeLoitte about a week before the end of the relationship with Patrick Kennedy to warn them of what he told me though also had told others, though I could not give the names of each person I knew he had told about the schedule for the trash compared to the recycling compared to when the wait staff would switch areas compared to the kitchen locations; I did speak with a female and gave her what information I could at the time, to inform her not knowing if Patrick Kennedy was going to walk in at any moment in the brief way I could at the time. That was just a short amount of time, after the picture at the top of the page was taken. I did not know of the association with military and law enforcement until more recently in 2019 and 2020, however such makes sense to me looking back now.


Since the tattoos specifically in my left arm were not there when I went through the Bank of America in downtown Dallas though the ones in both of my hands as well as the back of my neck may have been able to be seen, if there were cameras then I guesstimate such has been figured out who I am; though I do apologize for not knowing at the time the three males in suits who came to the first apartment in Irving were there to discuss the situation with the shabari back then, though I guesstimate they would be able to describe my hair color and hair style fairly easily. However admittedly the whispies on the side are not as thick, as they once had. I am re-growing that out, at this point; just as I regrew out the hair on the sides of my head and the back of my head, after having it waxed while in Washington state.


As a side not I have met several males who had a bit of dramatic-ness to them, though none so much as the overdramatic-ness which came from Patrick Kennedy in all honesty. I thought my dead-ex-husband was overdramatic up until, the time with Patrick Kennedy; and that does include the males I knew when growing up in New Jersey and walking around the areas of #NewYorkCity in the different boroughs though specifically in the SoHo region, those guys were far less dramatic in comparison in my opinion to what I dealt with in reference to Patrick Kennedy. I met males in drama club who were less dramatic in comparison for the over theatrical behaviour outside of the stage, in my opinion.


However I have a feeling, there are some who might be able to agree and see such at this point and who could compare such behaviours to see such. Whether that is because of Patrick Kennedy having problems accepting his hetero-flexible as realistically he was not hetero-flexible though more-so homo-flexible and the internal struggles he was feeling or what-have-you, such is only my opinion in certain references. However a male who has desires, wants, and needs for a bukake to occur for him to enjoy himself fully is another aspect in reference to his suppressed sexuality in my opinion. Personally I find nothing wrong with such in regards of sexuality as each individual is born as they are and there is no shame whatsoever in my opinion in reference to being gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, queer, pansexual, heterosexual, or flexible in either which way. I have never had a problem with such before, nor do I have a problem with such now. Even in the Old Testament there are notations of homosexuality being accepted, which I guesstimate there are some who have been able to figure such out in regards of the Holy Scriptures. I saw that as a child growing up reading the Holy Scriptures aside from the aspects in reference to my own personal experiences accepting people as they were when I knew them, and as I know they were and turned out to be. However I do not condone attempting to force one way or another in reference to sexuality in the slightest, which includes my next point.


Whether it was that Patrick Kennedy had such a crush on Jason and wanted his lifestyle for his own and why he had pushed his ex-girlfriend before the female who was before me into the Professional aspect of the lifestyle or what-have-you, the same attempt to do so in reference to me was a problem for Patrick Kennedy not accepting the fact I did not want nor did I need to be a Professional Dominatrix. I did not have a problem with such as some might belief or think, it was simply that is not what personally gets me going in such a way. Attempting to force such does infuriate me as it had back then as hypothetically could be seen from several sporadic flash flooding thunderstorms in the region during the time; including though not limited to the night Patrick Kennedy locked me out of the apartment on the back patio, and the flash flooding thunderstorm which appeared literally as soon as I realized I was locked out of the apartment. Not forgetting of course the visit I had shortly thereafter, which you can refer to images I took during my trip during my Medal of Honor Art Project trips in 2016 and 2017 of the flying unidentified objects in the sky for further aspects in reference to such discussions during my time in Irving Texas at the apartment complex near the previous law firm for Carrollton Farmers Branch Independent School District.


Writing of such there was a point which Patrick Kenedy went over to the law firm to pick up the paperwork for my case against the school district as the lawyer Nona Matthews had told the judge for the Texas Education Agency case, she did not feel comfortable with me going to pick up the paperwork and had demanded to the judge 'for someone else such as [my] boyfriend at the time on their schedule'. Patrick Kennedy had gone over there to pick up the documents for me as the judge had mandated such to occur and thus the law firm for the school district unwittingly requested someone else to intervene in the case, and thus hypothetically undid any non-disclosure agreement. The time I was able to go through the one xerox box full of documents from the school district was less than 24 hours before meeting with the law firm lawyer at the time Nona Matthews for a mediation, which she was surprised I had gone through all of the paperwork as she admitted to stonewalling me from getting the documentation in the meeting she discussed previously with Patrick Kennedy as explained to me when he returned to the apartment.


Before moving to that apartment complex after the situation with Dallas downtown location Bank of America tower, Patrick Kennedy had wanted to do a mediation ritual with my involvement as he saw when I came out of a mediation of the peace and tranquility which overcame me. He had made a request to do what he called of a spellcasting, which I warned him against requesting such though he persisted. In the end of that ritual the glass bowl had the candle wax of black and white mix without any gray coloration to create a skull within the clear glass bowl. I showed him the result which sent shivers down his spine in fear which I told him rightfully so, as that was the premonition for his results for what he requested during that. He shrugged his shoulders saying he did not think it was that big of a deal, however later after moving to the other apartment complex after the visit from the company which got him the job at DeLoitte; Patrick Kennedy wanted two different skin changes, through BDSM means.


The first he had requested was through Devil's Fire as I was involved with the Dominant Mentor Program and had learned how to do such cell popping as well as other sorts of fire play and other techniques for other measures, though unlike the fact that I can truly be romantic with fire as I had when during the second engagement; such was not the case for Patrick Kennedy in the slightest, as I could not be romantic with such an individual no matter how much attempted and as he found out. The design I came up with was an eye I drew up with my lifestyle initials in the bottom right corner of LDB, which I warned Patrick Kennedy the way I do Devils Fire means there would be no way for the removal of the design without his skin being carved out from that site. He did not believe me at the time which I guesstimate he has not been able to wear any clothing without any shirt on, without the ability to see such. I warned him if he attempted to get a tattoo to cover up the Devils Fire work, the design would raise through the tattoo to be seen and actually physically felt through the raising of the skin. That too did not deter Patrick Kennedy and for weeks, I had discussed the various ramifications of which he ignored. After 6 weeks, I drew up the design and then another week later is when I completed the piece. I had warned him of the permanent target proverbially on and in his back if he were to ever cross me, which he claimed would never be. I warned him if he chose to do so despite his claims there would be only one of two ways out of such, one being of his death through whatever means and he was in the ground or the other would be coming to me for the removal of the energy with the list of everything he had done wrong and the ways he intended to rectify the situations caused, including each person he included within such. He laughed at me, claiming there would not be a need for such.


A few weeks later when I had finished getting my Iris tattoo at a local tattoo shop in Irving Texas, I was going to get the Poison Ivy tattoo artwork piece. Patrick said he wanted his own tattoo which would prove his so-called loyalty to me in a way unlike his ex-girlfriend which the piercing could be removed though never was removed as he kept that open. Ironically in reference to the ritual with the glass bowl described above on his arm close to the palm is the black and white greyscale skull tattoo with gears and a red flower to the right side, which I warned him of not to get though he persisted. I told him he would not be able to wear short sleeve t shirts or take a shower without seeing the tattoo, which would automatically remind him of what I warned him against doing and he did not heed my warning. He claimed he knew that he would never turn against me, which I guesstimate by now it is known he had in multiple ways.


First full example is shortly after the tattoo he had called me a bitch in front of my son at the dinner table, after I picked up the wrong type of pizza that he did not want. Then when during the conversation afterwards, I told him I was leaving and the relationship was over; despite him saying he wanted to work things out, I was not interested in such. The following day Patrick Kennedy pulled out a shotgun and attempted to do a rifle drill with the shotgun which I was upset he had an unlocked and unsecured shotgun in the apartment knowing what was going on in reference to my daughter and my son, which he then pointed the shotgun in my face. I pushed the shotgun out of the way, removed the shotgun from his hands, and demanded he open the shotgun to show me whether or not there was any rounds in the chamber. He attempted to get me distracted by talking about how he felt I was making fun of him for not going into the military in reference of doing a rifle drill with a shotgun, and when he finally came around he opened the shotgun to show me there were two rounds in the chamber. Then there was a knock at the door, which my son had gotten back to the apartment from school. I told Patrick the relationship was over, and I was moving out after I spoke with my son to discuss how his day at school went.


Three days later I had found and arranged a mover to come pick up my and my children's belongings to move, however Patrick Kennedy did not want to allow the movers to get all of the stuff which was mine and my children's. He also cleaned out my storage unit which I rented only leaving the poster board I made for my Dominant Mentor Program in the area, which Marie was there to see everything was cleared out except that before going to the then Sanctuary that evening. At that event Patrick Kennedy's then new girlfriend who went by the name of Jackie Daniels had said she was dating someone new, which it was not until later in the discussion of learning she was dating Patrick Kennedy. I gave her a few warnings which she said she enjoyed that sort of playing, which Marie rolled her eyes and could not believe her eyes as to what was going on in front of her. Nor could some of the other people in the smoking section of the Sanctuary, that evening.


Aside from the dining table of dark cherry wood with a high lacquer finish with matching chairs with white-ish creme colored padded chairs, the cork carved Asian style three set pictures in darker wooden frames, the large Asian decorative fans as seen in the picture below; is a list of some of the items I can remember, which I was not able to get because Patrick Kennedy would not let the movers get the items as well as had cleared out my storage unit which I did not give him the passcode to.


There was a red fan as well as a blue fan and a white fan, all of similar styles. There also was a couch set which was light tan suede which my now dead-ex-husband had gotten from someone he worked with, the coffee and end tables with swirls which were the same color as the dining room set which he picked out with my approval, some lamps with a maroon base and light colored shade, a king size metal frame bed with mattress, mahogany night stands, a dark wood tv arimoire entertainment set, my son's bed twin sized, my daughter's bed twin sized, the nightstands for that, their clothing and toys, 5 matching dark wood bookshelves with 5 rows, a spinning DVD/CD rack in black compressed wood, Christmas decorations I purchased for my house in Carrollton though also the Chrsitmas decorations from my house in San Antonio, several faery and dragon statues as well as other spiritual statues which were infused and charged, my SCUBA Diving gear, my corsets for one example there is the one in the picture among many others, my gowns, my dresses, my heels, plenty of my clothing, pots, pans, dishware with a black and white as well as red and white design, and etcetera. Since I did not give anyone permission to use my belongings and there are the warnings I gave to Patrick Kennedy in reference to the rituals not only in reference of the candles though also the Devils Fire and also the tattoo, he probably did not give the warning I had given to him about such.


Then after all that as though was not bad enough after moving back to #SanAntonio #Texas there was a point in time which my biological parents called me over to their house using my first name, my middle name, my Maiden last name which they said I could not take back years previously, as well as my legal widow last name. I went over to their house to listen to part of the answering machine message left by Patrick Kennedy outing me to my biological parents before being interrogated in an emptied room where all of the furniture was pushed out of the great room except one lamp and one wooden chair, which my biological mother accused me of all sorts of things I had not partook of nor ever did and had always stood against before tagging my biological father to ask me questions. Which ironically for those who have met my biological father and know of his temper-ment which if you only met him after they moved from Illinois to Texas; you only met the medicated version of his anger, and that is the tiniest percentage of the rage when I was growing up as a child. The anti-anger pills worked wonderfully, for him. Though for those who have seen his temper especially only in the state of Texas, remember you met him medicated and not nearly as angry as he was when I was growing up as a child. Comparatively, he is so calm. The male who I was engaged to twice met him after he was medicated, as did who my biological sister's family she married into. Those who knew him in Illinois, understand he was much calmer from New Jersey comparatively; which says quite a bit for both in reference to the state of Texas, as well as the state of New Jersey. Not that I truly think there is truly anyone who is however, no need to be jealous of me or my childhood. That is unless you enjoy dodging out of the way of filing cabinets full of jewelry tools, and the cabinet being made of metal from the 1940s and 1950s. Yes, there were times I did not learn to move fast enough. Though, I survived.


Woo...hoo...


However I will end this journal blog entry on an attempted higher note which some, might be able to smile if not chuckle a bit. When my biological father took over the questioning he bent at the waist to get his face in my face whispering "I have one question for you, and one question only."


He put one hand on one of his hips to then stand up and swing his arms around several times in a circle saying, "I have been to the red light district, and I know what occurs there. My question is do you get beaten, or do you beat?"


I smiled and giggled saying, "Oh please, are you kidding me? Of course, I am the one who does the beating!"


He threw his hand in the air and said "That's all I needed to know, that's good. No one remembers second place, remember that."


An argument erupted between my biological parents and I ninjaed out the door to get to my car, and drive back to my townhouse apartment at the time. Looking back to that situation now as well as back to my childhood in New Jersey, I have a feeling there is at minimum of one time where someone may have remembered second place. That one time hypothetically had been when I was a green belt in Tae Kwondo when I went to competition and sparred as well as competed in form against females who were all brown belts with black stripes and two or three tapes and above in ranking, to earn my place for 2nd place in sparring and third place in form. Possibly there is a singular time where someone not only remembered second place, though also third place.


Thus technically he was correct as he said "No one remembers second place", he did not say "No one remembers second and third place".

The ultimate measure of an individual is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand at the time of challenge and controversy.

We must reject the idea that everytime a law is broken society is guity, rather than the law breaker. 

Freedom is never-more than one generation away, from exinction.  We do not pass freedom on through our blood stream because freedom must be fought for, protected, and handed on for the next generation to do the same.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

It should not take a head injury to figure this out, because you are smarter.

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