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In reference to 11 September 2001
Though writing of such I understand and comprehend the aspects of which though having to do with childhood, I am a biologically grown adult. I am only writing of such because of some oddities, and coinky dinks.
Many years ago when I was growing up in the state of New Jersey, my biological parents had kept away a few things of mine from me. One in particular had been something they had given back to the church, knowing it was one of my favorite toys; which I had dealt with a conversation as to why I was not allowed to have it and they had given it to the church. I had always liked teddy bears and bigger animals rather than as my biological sister had preferred dolls; much more. One teddy bear was handmade for me I called Pepper, which was crocheted by one of my biological father's foster parents Mrs. Hardwick; who had also been the female I had gotten my dog A from. He was a half #Collie half #Husky who had been called A for short; as he had gone AWOL a few times to the local Navy training facility, to go swimming in the swamp areas. The local #Naval base continued calling Mrs. Hardwick when A escaped telling her he had gone AWOL (absent without leave) and was on the base, though I guesstimate he had fun playing with the naval training soldiers. He became my dog when at her house when I was 2 years old and no longer wanted a #pizza crust, which I changed my mind and took out of his mouth; without him attacking me when I opened his mouth. I did give him the pizza crust back, though he was my dog afterwards. While my biological father called him A instead of AWOL; I called him #Anubis, as such seemed more befitting of that dog.
However in reference to Pepper, my biological mother gave my black and white bear to #OldTenantPresbyterianChurch's nursery; which I was extremely upset by. However not nearly as upset as when I learned she took my big teddy bear and gave it to the church, only because she no longer wanted to see either one with me 'because [I] was happy'. Those two teddy bears were the ones I would fall asleep with as they were the ones which I felt most comfortable in the arms of. I had another teddy bear made of a material which I rubbed between my fingers and my biological parents joked was my ways of showing 'a victim of child abuse'; which in certain aspects, that I cannot deny of being at this point in my life; and the irony of my biological parents joking about such, as well as the truth behind many jokes. I just do not like the term victim personally, as I survived what I had endured.
In reference to #Pepper, that particular one had been my pillow. That teddy bear's arms were not long enough to go all the way around me, though my arms went all the way around Pepper. The belly/chest region of Pepper was where I would rest my head when I fell asleep and sometimes, as he was soft and comfortable; however Pepper scared my biological sister because of the way Pepper looked; which was part of the reason why my biological parents 'got rid of Pepper' from my bed. The bigger teddy bear was fluffy, dark brown, and had a tongue that stuck out; which made me giggle each time I saw him. Admittedly as a bit frisky at a youthful age, there were a few moments which I wished so much he was real; as that one along with Pepper I had felt the calmest with, despite everything I was going through as a child.
Though the one named 'victim of child abuse' had been ripped to shreds because of the fact I was not allowed to take it with me where I went, so I cut certain pieces to keep with me; for example when getting bloodwork when I was in fifth grade, because of being scared of the needle. Irony, in other areas in this point in my life with the amount of tattoos albeit; not in the same way in the slightest; but was able to calm me much better than other attempts. Though being backhanded at the bloodwork station because of the inability for the people there to hold me down for the bloodwork to be drawn despite later being diagnosed with Mono, Epstien-Bar, Lymes Disease, Bronchitis, and the Flu all at the same time; I realize in this moment with such illnesses and a temperature over 103 degrees, I probably should not have been so strong as to throw multiple phlebotomists and medical professionals across the room in 1992. Ironically in certain references of my nightmare slowly being worked on to turn into a dream, shortly after the events of 1993 as I began working double and triple time to figure out what was needed as I realized my nightmare and my dreams were visionary in certain references. That terrified and scared me as a child and as a teenager into my adulthood, though in such were preparation for what I would need to do in certain regards
Anyway, after that incident and healing from those illnesses; I had gotten a new teddy bear of that material because of what occurred. Then was when I had also found out my biological parents gave away my big teddy bear as well as Pepper, though what annoyed them more was the fact the memories of such could not be taken from me. They wanted me to forget how much those teddy bears meant to me and wanted me to let them go, but I could not. Even after waking up from the coma from my head injury on Psalm Sunday in 2000 when they had moved from #Illinois to #Texas in their false claim to help me but realistically to run away from the reputation my biological sister made for herself with her choices of unethical promiscuity; each of them were upset anytime I asked about those teddy bears.
The ironic aspects of such are though some might choose to believe as they do, when I spoke once the events of 11 September 2001 had started and I felt my wings go out as they had; I looked at my son laying in the blankets, before my eyes changed and I continued. Though I am unsure if I ever actually met who is known as Senator Ted Cruz but I call my Teddy Bear knowing I do not own him, though in the reference of the particular teddy bear I described from my childhood I envisioned when speaking at certain points of and as one feather from one wing had gone as it had. The irony of referring to the CIA Director Mike Pompeo as a Grizzly Bear and the President of the United States of America has put out the #TrumpyBear. Also envisioning Pepper there was a sensation in my chest, which to this day I still do not have the words to explain. I can write of the way my ribcage felt when those events were occurring at the time as the sensations were similar to the way my body had felt when I had tried the MMJ alternative Spice instead of sticking with the MMJ as I felt was better for myself; and as I have learned is much better for myself, than the other. Though instead of the sensations of feeling though my skin was being unzipped, it felt though my rib cage was being broken in different ways and rearranged without any anesthesia; while I just could not stop speaking, while dealing with the conversation as to what my now dead-ex-husband had disagreed with me about.
In reference to Pepper there is a bit of an irony as I had seen in a metaphorical sort of way a male around my age at the time, who was unable to contact whoever he was trying to get on the cellphone; and in such vision type of aspect while the events were occurring, all I could muster to do was whisper in his ear to still and look at the flower nearby and wait. The male I had seen in such dropped the phone, and sat in front of the flower while the others he knew at the time went on with their own stuff wherever he was. All I could do was push a portion of my wing, to move a single petal to keep the attention there for him to remain calm until the clearing could occur for the phone to ring to him. One of the points of which when I spoke on that fateful day had been "I hope if there is a possibility any other planes like those two are able to call their loved ones, and then do what is necessary to prevent that from occurring elsewhere." Though I had also said "All of the planes need to be grounded immediately to prevent anything further like that" among other aspects, it would be quite odd to find out if hypothetically certain aspects of what is and is not allowed on TSA regulations since then could be another viewpoint of.
With the fact the day of which is the anniversary getting closer and while there were many who told me they were annoyed by the constant anniversary aspects of which aggravated me because of my own personal aspects, there were more over the years as I spoke with people who did not believe me of such individuals throughout the United States of America though especially in the state of Texas who were so against such aspects. In reference of the first group who was tired of such I told them those who survived such and those who lost people they knew, were not going to see that the same way; which I was told no one would ever know of their feelings, even though I warned them otherwise. In that same group of people who had not wanted to think about what they themselves did not survive nor cared about those who did, when I brought up of the youth who grew up with such a constant reminder; those same individuals looked t me as though I was speaking a foreign language to them despite speaking in the same language as them. When pointing out several aspects of importance, I was told by those groups of people of so many who would easily forget if they would just get over themselves. When I pointed out they would not need to get over themselves though would have to work through such and would need far more compassion than which was being stated, those groups of people would tell me of how I needed to be more compassionate to them because of them being tired of hearing and seeing such. Obviously, that did not work out in those people's favor in reference to me.
The other group in reference of those whether they had been a part of because of where they were and/or having lost people they knew personally who could not believe such, they shared experiences of those which many were there for them at those times. They could not see how I could have such experiences and be told of such in person repeatedly by various people, which I told them they were lucky for not having such experiences; though I do not think they understood at those times, of how truly lucky they were for how many they had around them during that time to assist. Now in 2020 and looking back to such events of such throughout not only the timeframe of 11 September 2001 but also since then, sadly I write of knowing such crossovers have probably occurred in which those of the first group had met those of the latter group; and how such interactions went, is between those individuals and groups. In certain ways such similar corresponding aspects which the portions of which the ones I knew of the Armed Forces of the United States of America knew not of what the civilians I had encountered could be as they were, which in various ways I had attempted to preemptively warn them of for them to keep an eye open to keep themselves safe from. Not much I could do beyond that as similarly, there were those who could not perceive nor believe certain civilians would play games with such in so many aspects.
The events of 11 September 2001 are and have been bittersweet to me, for a variety of reasons. It is bitter because of those who I once knew who I may recall their names though not their faces or visa versa whether from the area I grew up in New Jersey as well as walking around in the area of as a child and as a teenager, though hoping more than not had been able to survive and succeed. Sweet in reference though also still bitter in certain references of my nightmare turned into a dream as I worked on such thoughts to find the correct path of as best where to be despite my head injury on Psalm Sunday in 2000, I was able to get information to who needed such for a greater overall in certain oddities of portions of when my nightmare began to fully go into a dream state; though no faces were in that dream aspect, just blankness. Ironically for those who have no military background and at the time of when in my youth of such minimal aspects to being exposed to uniforms, some view such individuals as faceless though I can recall some of the faces of those I spoke with during that time; even so much as instantly recognizing an individual I knew when I was in Medical Hold Unit the moment I saw him, when returning back to San Antonio Texas after a few situations in Washington state upon seeing him walk out.
When I was involved with my now dead-ex-husband and the abuse that was occurring every single day in that marriage, not one person questioned my ability to care about and care for my son and my daughter. However during the first separation and the final separation, that was when the questioning of my character as a mom began. My biological mother, biological father, and biological sister took the side of my now dead-ex-husband saying that I should have just dealt with the constant abuse and the constant doing what I could to prevent my son and my daughter from being abused by putting myself between that and them. Due to the fact my now dead-ex-husband was so manipulative when he was alive and since he had convinced my biological family to be against me despite the fact they already had been throughout my childhood into my teenage and adulthood, thus it was not difficult for him to convince of such; he had gotten his family to think one way, despite his mother knowing how her husband at the time once was and knowing and seeing her youngest son do many similar things her husband had done to her when she was raising her children. She had pulled him aside many times telling him to treat me better, and then later I would deal with the discussion she had with him because he thought I had told her of what he was doing to me; and he did not see how his mom would know, as she had experienced much.
It was easy for him to blame the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and upon the point of getting my hair styled as I do to help my headaches and migraines, that became easier for him to use to give people a point to look at especially in the state of Texas. Though the tattoos were to help me with the after effects just as much as the hairstyle, that too became an issue which was used against me; as what type of female looks as I do for the reasons explained and proven, though because he had been in college and I had not gone through any SCUBA Diving training yet had been an easy way to convince others to look at me with such distain. No one knows how many times I put myself between my children and their biological father from the amount of anger and no one knows how many literal and figurative punches I took, to keep my son and my daughter safe as I could. No one knows how many times I was left unconscious whether in the backyard or in the house because of the beatings I took for something as simple as breathing, cooking, taking care of my children, and/or doing something which was not considered as acceptable at the time; nor does anyone know how many times I was told because I was legally married meant that I did not have a choice to say no, simply because of the marital aspect. It was not until years had gone by of meeting a female who told me that was not allowed in the United States of America to use the marital aspect or any excuse, if not wanting to go through with such adult aspects. I wish I had known that many times prior, though especially after delivering each of my children once at the house. However upon learning that and beginning to stand up against that more-so, then the fights got even more violent; if that could have been thought to be possible, even back then.
Was it better I deal with all of those things instead of my son and my daughter, from that? Absolutely. However the amount of individuals who then and thereafter accused me of not caring about my son and my daughter, only infuriated me with each snide comment made. Some knowing of what was going on by him telling them of such and joking around about such including with his two sisters at random times, who ironically had taken his side for those incidents; though also my own biological family in such, and them choosing his side instead of my children and I. Then after the second and final separation despite dealing with certain other aspects still, who I was forced to be involved with had continued the same cycle because of knowing my then ex-husband would be able to be told to go deal with me if I 'got to uppity' perpetuated such forward while still using my medical aspects against me. Maybe another reason as to why I cannot stand the mask garbage going on at this point of having to reexplain everything and knowing what I look like, does not assist such in each aspect. However, that is a different tirade mainly only because of the physical look points of still being considered as against me wrongly.
Then after his death and the points of which I fought for my children for different points of to then still have people tell me they thought I did not care wrongly, was another bone of contention of which annoyed me. The constant fighting and battling to stand my ground while not allowing the physical points to be looked down upon further, was beyond words in various ways; and just when I thought I had done enough to prove my care for my children, the garbage in reference to McCoy Elemntary School and Carrollton Farmers Branch Independent School District before the Fort Worth Zoo situation was added to that stress, while still dealing with my then and now ex-in-laws perpetuating the trash from my dead-ex-husband. Again, I was in a different part of the city and had not seen him in two days before his death. Admittedly though, I wish I could have been the one to have done so to him after everything I had been put through and my children had to be saved from. However, I cannot take credit for what I did not do despite being blamed for such. I wish I could have lied and taken that credit, I truly do; however I cannot tell a lie, and thus that is not something I can take credit for.
After the aspects of the school situation began and furthered along throughout the years, I was further questioned of my concern and my care for my son and my daughter as well as my validity to be a good mom. How could I take care of my children with as many medical problems as I deal with is something which was asked repeatedly and while at this point in my life of which is not the ideal example, my children's schedule is what had kept such as a better ability to do so comparatively in many ways. Having that constant had kept my balance far better, despite what I deal with daily in reference to pain levels and such. Making them breakfast, getting them ready for school, taking them to school, picking them up from school, cooking dinner, getting their homework checked, having their bags packed for the next day, spending time with them, story time before and after showers they took, and tucking them into bed had been an ability to assist while taking care of and maintaining the house was what I knew. It was all I knew for a daily aspect of life, and truly very little more. When they were at school and when they were sleeping I would read and study when the household chores were done, and that was what was needed at the times of. I did get into modeling for pictures for my own ability to be able to see what I look like and be comfortable enough to know what I look like, as well as be able to speak when out more-so in comparison to previously. I had learned of such being a problem for me after one event I had gone to and was brought forward to the stage, and did not know that was a problem for me until then; so I did what I could to figure a way to be more comfortable with how I am within my own limits, all while constantly struggling to prove my worth to simply live.
Of course that does not take into consideration the amount of doctor appointments to take care of myself as well as my children, throughout the times of. The irnoy now in reference to the medical is all of the medications which I have been on whether they were in the trial phases before the next set of trial phases to later bring forward to the general public or the few which had been helpful for some though plateaued when I would use such, no longer are viable for me. Whether that is because of nothing new being developed which are in the phases for trials or because the ones I had been on in the trial phases are still being worked on while not forgetting the aspects of the SCUBA Dive specifically when in reference of the Vandenberg SCUBA Dive when I landed at the bottom of the Matthias Abyss and surfaced to live, is inconsequential at this point. However that world record still has not been acknowledged in the ways I have seen such has occurred in reference to such for others, which I know it has not been broken nor will it ever be broken in regards of such in the manner of a free dive with simply using one tank to do the entire dive. Several hundred miles below the surface of the ocean and swimming around to ascend safely throughout the whole process I suppose, is what it is. While I could make a joke in reference to the exposure beyond the pictures I took, who is it that I would contact about such? Or is it the opposite and I am supposed to be asked about such by those who have the medical backgrounds, and their facilities? I do not know, that is beyond my knowledge.
Nonetheless in reference of taking care of my children, I have continuously had to bring forward more and more to prove such concern and care . I did what I could where I could, I wrote to attempt to bring light where there was darkness for better and clearer understanding, I elaborated where I could, I continued going despite the circumstances, and yet by the standards of what I have seen in regards of what is known and seen; I feel as though I have been simply a failure at many aspects, and in multiple points for not understanding this era, and I am so tired.
What I can do is what I can do, and while my headaches and migraines are quite a bit of aa annoyance beyond words for the constant pain levels especially the fluctuation of, the points of which I did everything I could to show my son and my daughter how much of importance to me they had always been since their conception had been extremely pertinent to ensure they knew no matter what; I did everything I possibly could to ensure they were raised correctly with respect and with gratitude, while also acknowledging the realities of. I know it has been a long time since I have been able to see my son in person and even longer since I have been able to see my daughter in person, though they have been in my thoughts with each aspect of which to strive to be the best person I could be. I had done what I could to keep them safe in each situation even when it was at great risk to my own safety and health, though admittedly they were not the only ones I had done such for. In wanting to lead by example of ensuring they knew that it was not just them that I cared about and cared for as I have believed for a long time that it is not just the influences from the immediate surroundings which bring forward how an individual will grow up, I did what I could to teach them morals and ethics in regards of ensuring they knew to learn to see not just one side of a situation; despite the fact of my own mistakes and missteps along my own path, I had hoped they would be able to learn from such so they did not fall into the same cycle. Though it has been so long wince being able to be there for them in person I hoped my efforts in a more known and public way would give them examples of which to see more positive attributes of me as their mom, despite the ways of which my shortcomings had not been necessarily the smartest in various aspects.
In reference to the aspects of other situations which they were not around in person for in reference of situations I had done what I could to better life for others as well as them as being a part of the military associations in regards of the Gold Star family, the military branches of the United States of America, as well as in the various communities throughout where they chose to be involved when they became old enough to be a part of; I wanted to give a way which they were able to see there is not the stereotype in all portions of life, as some can and do break that mold. I wanted to show them ways to assist and help others in regards of an array of aspects though as certain situations occurred, the only way I knew to do such was to make suggestions as going up the chain of command in regards of the military in a respectful way; the same looking points in reference to when involved with their school, as well as within the overall general public aspect while remaining humble and grateful for the various aspects. Though I did not go into great detail when they were younger about the events of 11 September 2001 and what my actions were in regards of suggestions for the individuals I knew at the time of, I did discuss such later and wrote of some points as well. They mainly knew I had the head injury on Psalm Sunday in 2000 and the after effects of, it was not until much later were they informed I had fought to be emancipated to go into and join the Army branch of the United States of America; and I had not discussed until even later as well as wrote about such, in regards of what visions I had as a child to them about such to fight to join.
As a child growing up seeing what I had when in New Jersey and New York City when the 1993 attack occurred which had been a portion of my nightmare which later turned into a dream, I could only figure out what I could to lessen the initial aspects of what I saw in such. Though the original aspect of that nightmare had many more planes and many more buildings, I was able to figure out ways to get it to only be a few buildings and one field; which compared to the original aspects of the nightmare I had, that was so much better. I wish I could have figured a way which none of that had occurred, though from what little I could think of during those times as a child; it was the best that I could do, and the best I could figure out to accomplish such to not be as bad as the nightmare had been to make it a dream or utopia comparatively. Unlike in the 1993 attack, there was not the ability for people to call their loved ones even if it was to leave a voicemail; which at minimum there were some who were able to do such, compared to that point in time. People I knew who lost someone or multiple people on that day were left without anything in comparison, and I felt as though there needed to be a better way in various aspects. Upon seeing and listening to that growing up during the recovery from Mono, Epstein Bar, Lymes Disease, Bronchitis, and the Flu all at the same time among several other aspects; my biological father's and my Great Grandfather's words rang so very true during that time, which went forward with my thoughts. "Pay attention to your surroundings".
Thus in reference to the image and the writing of, I additionally add a few things to such afterwards.
Though I have discussed and written of how I had attempted to get involved with the United States of America's Armed Forces as soon as I figured certain aspects of the nightmare I had when I was a child in early Elementary School, when attending Asher Holmes. In reference the irony of getting sick in 1992 through 1993 once the 1993 attacks occurred to the World Trade Center I have discussed and written of the ironic coinky dinks as well as once I was healed from the combination of Mono, Epstien Bar, Lymes Disease, Bronchitis, and the Flu all at the same time; I had looked to see what I could do to stop the nightmare from continuing forward, the way I had seen. I had written more-so than discussed earlier after the events of 11 September 2001 of what occurred the following Sunday at Old Tennent Presbyterian Church as though I had discussed such before joining the Army branch of the United States of America's Armed Forces, there were only a few I had discussed such with at great length afterwards from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury.
I did attend the church service at the church and because such was extremely crowded, I walked out of the church and went around to the back where the historical location of #GeneralGeorgeWashington (an his wife Martha Washington's) private latrine building is. #General George Washington had designated the church to be a hospital during the #RevolutionaryWar, and his wife Martha Washington had been in charge of getting the nurses to take care of the soldiers within. I jumped upward to see inside of the window at the door to see what looked similar to an Eagle though because of the brightness could have been a vulture with the read colored head above the feathers, which frightened me briefly. A male walked over to where I was and asked if he could put me on his shoulders to help me see what I was looking for, and I was able to see the shining colors throughout. After he put me back down on the ground I thanked him and walked over to where the columns on top of the stairs are for a monument for the past, present, and future soldiers of the #UnitedStatesofAmerica is. I remember laying down on top of the words after I had traced my finger along each letter, of each word spread eagle and making the motions of the equivalent of a snow angel without any snow on the monument to blend my energies as I prayed.
Shortly afterwards I had a few discussions with a few congregants of the church and knew I needed to be involved with the military of the United States of America, whichever branch I could be in; and as such the nightmare started changing with each progressive aspect I evaluated and reevaluated, and less and less of the problems were seen in such as the years into middle school progressed. Shortly after graduating from Elementary School the following school year and getting into middle school there were flyers and handouts for different location equivalents of charter schools, and in 8th grade I chose to apply for the Marine and Science Technology School AKA #MAST; solely because of the naval academy associated with the school, for the top aspect of. My biological parents either did not pay attention to that portion, or they did not know of the naval academy; however I think my biological father knew of the naval academy attachment, as I think I remember him asking me if I would be okay wearing uniforms. I remember smiling, saying such would be easier for a lot of aspects. Ironically, I later attended a #Catholic High School which uniforms were mandatory and I was quite content in school settings wearing uniforms. Well, with the exception of the skirt at the time. As a tomboy, I really did not want to have to wear a skirt; though I dealt with it, and handled such accordingly to ensure the sanctity when males attempted to look up the skirts of females going up the stairs.
While there were plenty of other appealing points to such a school, the naval academy had put such aside from the other schools in conjunction with several other points; though I also thought the poster contest I had won a spot for cleaning up the ocean, was an additional point to pay attention to. I earned a spot to meet the then #Governor of #NewJersey #ChristineToddWhitman and because of how that particular meeting and field trip had occurred, I reviewed other aspects more closely. I did not get into the school though I made it through the interview process which I know the reason why I did not achieve getting into the school had been because of one question I answered incorrectly; which I used the word fishies instead of the name of the fish I described, which had not been found until years later and called the #Angler Fish. Ironically in reference to the following year which was my freshman year of high school when going through Confirmation Class for Old Tenant Presbyterian Church, I had only one question I got wrong on the combination of all of my quizzes and tests; which had been my final test to answer, though I thought it was a joke the Pastor of the church was playing on the class as he was a #Chaplain in the #Army branch of the United States of America's #ArmedForces. Those who know how some military jokes can be, could understand why I re-studied all of my notations throughout all of my classes for Confirmation Class. However in the end, I was asked the only one question I had gotten incorrect correctly for my passing grade. "What does Amen, mean?"
Admittedly I remember thinking to myself "I could be such a smart a$$ right now, but I better not say what I am thinking" and I answered "Amen means so be it, so shall it be, and so mote it be."
Yes, I still remember what my smart a$$ed commentary thought had been at the time. No, it is not something I feel like writing about, personally.
Later when moving from New Jersey to Illinois, that put a wrench in my plans. Several classes did not transfer the credits of in my opinion wrongly as mainly the problems had been that the school did not consider Latin as a foreign language. Thus instead of graduating a year early, I graduated one semester early. However though my biological parents knew of the aspects in reference to other points as I had told them "I was going to go into the military"; they thought it was just a phase, and part of such may have been why the move had been to Illinois thinking if I was not near the church grounds which the church as well as #FortMonmouth which I annoyed them repeatedly asking to go visit the guys in the area as well as at #FortDix, they did not take kindly to my requests. Thus when I graduated early and had spoken with the recruiters for the different branches, I chose the Army branch compared to the #MarineCorps branch because of the sign on bonus. I did not earn the $33,000 upon graduating AIT as I did not graduate Basic Training and thus did not graduate AIT. However I did take the Marine Corps view point and did not call myself a soldier during Delayed Entry Program #DEP nor Basic Training or thereafter, because of how the Marine Corps do not call themselves Marines until their graduation; and since heavily looking into the two branches, I wanted to ensure the respect due was paid knowing the attachments of the other branches of the United States of America's Armed Forces how the branching out had gone for such. The Army branched out with the #AirForce and more recently the Air Force branched out to the #SpaceForce, as the #Navy and #Marines were pretty much initially together though separated to two different branches while also adding the #CoastGuard along with as the Generals and the #PresidentoftheUnitedStatesofAmerica had seen the benefit for the combination though the separation of for the different aspects involved with each branch.
I fought to be emancipated from the aspects to legally be able to join the Army branch and when such was allowed, I did not hesitate with getting everything taken care of as soon as possible for me to get involved. However once I signed the paperwork for my #MOS after the #ASVAB test and physical fitness tests, once back at the house the nightmare fully shifted completely and the least amount of damages were seen in the nightmare later turning towards a dream when in retrospect looking at such events within as I slept. Then I left for Basic Training, went through Zero Week, and crossed over the tracks to go to Basic Training. My head injury occurred 9 days into Basic on Psalm Sunday in 2000 and after waking up from the coma and what was told to me was Convalescent Leave, I went to Lackland or Kelly Air Force Base to wait for a plane which was supposed to take me back to Fort Sill Oklahoma. A male and female husband and wife were walking passed me while I looked through my paperwork quite confused and the female asked me what I was doing, as the male asked me where I was going. I told them everything and the husband looked at his wife before looking at me and told me to give him my paperwork with my military identification card, to wait until they returned to where I was at. Later they returned to where I was and I was informed I was going to be stationed at Fort Sam Houston instead, as I needed to be Medically Retired out of the Army. I did not understand, though I felt there was a need which I did not fight such.
In Medical Hold Unit which is now Warrior Transition Unit AKA #WTU, I had discussed certain portions of the above writing of my experiences with one of the soldiers who had to give me a whole bunch of counseling statements as well as some of the other soldiers in the unit. Some believed why I fought to join while others shrugged their shoulders to such, though my doctors I had appointments with had many more questions beyond just the aspects of the medical portions of. There was a point I had been seen by three soldiers who I had been in Basic Training with who were then in AIT at Fort Sam Houston who remembered me though I not them because of the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, and we discussed several points which they were reminded of why I fought to be emancipated. We talked a little bit more before I returned to the Medical Hold Unit building where I discussed what occurred with some of the soldiers in the orderly room, and life went on as it did; though one soldier who had spoken with after getting out of the Army on the Medical Board before my Medical Retirement who was in Medical Hold Unit SPC Nesbitt and I spoke several times not only initially in the first year before his wife's birth of their child and the birth of my son James, though also shortly after purchasing my house in San Antonio Texas a few months before the final separation from my now dead-ex-husband. Nesbitt and I spoke for a few hours before later he spoke with my now dead-ex-husband, then shortly by a few months was the discussion of the IRR. However that particular portion goes beyond the events of 11 September 2001, though the last time of speaking with Nesbitt had been a little bit of time just before moving into Songbird Apartments from Lincoln Green Apartments.
My son was born 9 days before 11 September 2001 thus the day before the events of, I simply took care of the normal-ish aspects at the time for that time. In the morning I took care of my son as I did throughout the day while cleaning in the morning then in the early afternoon I went to the front office to speak with the females at the front office as well as the males of the maintenance crew, spoke with the several residents who frequented the front office including the Air Force Tech Sergeant, picked up the mail as I spoke with the USPS mailman after he finished delivering the different mail pieces to the joint mailboxes, and returned back to the townhouse all while dealing with the headaches as I did and do each day. I made dinner for the night and listened to the news as doing so when my now dead-ex-husband returned and I dealt with what occurred as it was not a dinner that he had wanted. As possible I continued dealing with the pain level fluctuations, though the insomnia was rampant that evening despite the conversation I dealt with. I may or may not have spoken with my biological parents while they were still living in Illinois at the time, though not unless visiting Illinois or after they moved to San Antonio Texas did I ever speak with my biological sister.
After my now dead-ex-husband left for school I was finally able to fall asleep as it was safe for me to, without the fear or worry of certain situations. Just as getting ready to get into bed I remember a passing thought of something that was said in an earlier discussion which reminded me of a high school friend who was in the Navy branch of the United States of America's Armed Forces, and a chill went down my spine as I got under the covers with my son swaddled in blankets with pillows surrounding him. Less than two hours later I heard the door slam open and shut with heavy rubbing as the sounds went up the stairs with yelling, and instantly I was awake. I asked why my now dead-ex-husband was back in the apartment and not at college when he screamed at me about the school being closed, and the television at the foot of the bed turned on. The parts of my nightmare overlapped and I saw the World Trade Center #WTC images from the 1993 attack as I looked at the screen to watch the second airplane fly into the towers, and I could not help myself but to speak.
I said "I hope they can ground all the planes quickly, the planes which can't I hope as many can call or at minimum leave a message before they do what they have to do, and as many people can be safe as quickly and easily as possible." I know I rattled on about several other portions before dealing with a backhand and a further conversation while protecting my son from being a part of any such situation further than being on the bed sleeping through the whole thing, to then pick myself off of the floor when my now dead-ex-husband ran down the stairs and out the door slamming it behind. I got myself cleaned up, did not clean the apartment though got myself and my son ready to go across the parking lot to the front office while mumbling to myself uncontrollably throughout the whole time until getting to the office. There the females I spoke with the day before were staring at the television of the reruns of what occurred to the towers just before the other portions were reported on in reference to the Pentagon and then the flight in the Pennsylvania field, which I was shocked to see them sitting there staring at the screen while not moving. I asked what they were doing and they just cried despite the suggestions of going to donate blood, pray for those who needed it or go to church, as well as send food or supplies to the region. Then I asked where the Tech Sergeant was and none of them answered me, though stared at me as though I was the weird one for making such suggestions.
Once the Tech Sergeant arrived I asked if he had listened to the radio in his truck before getting to the apartment which he said he was too frustrated from the night to listen to anything which I had told him I was glad, as he and I needed to talk. I told him to get his cup of coffee and a cookie as I got a Sprite and a cookie, and the two of us went outside to talk for me to give some suggestions in reference to him emptying out his truck and some other points before his return to post for the Basic Training he taught at Lackland Air Force Base. Each day thereafter for a couple weeks he and I would speak about different aspects as he had multiple military questions and I told him what I could remember from the time of how certain portions were handled during the 1993 attack when I was growing up in New Jersey from some of the discussions some people I knew throughout the years had discussed in reference to what was done during those times, and just after a point when my now dead-ex-husband became jealous of me speaking with the Tech Sergeant shortly afterwards my son developed a temperature above 103 degrees; which I took him to the Emergency Room at Lackland Air Force Base, after waiting in line to get in. Thankfully the Military Police Officer allowed me to go through though I had offered to leave my van at the station for him to search, which he let me go through to the Emergency Room with my son; though I told him if they needed, they could follow me to the Emergency Room and search the vehicle if necessary which he said he knew he had nothing to worry about from that as I had turned the van off and pulled the key out from the ignition to hand him in case I needed to run my son to the Emergency Room.
My son was in the hospital for just about a week or a week and a half before he healed and was released, though I listened to the news the time I was in there as taking care of him in the children's ward of the hospital. I know I spoke with multiple staff members about the news reported and as they asked questions I answered each one, as they all knew my own personal medical history up to that point with my military identification and my son being my dependent in such a labeling just as my daughter when she was born the year after in 2002. Around a couple weeks later after making a call to a breast milk donation bank, I myself was hospitalized for an infection which had been lingering from delivering my son earlier; which I remained there at Lackland Air Force Base for awhile, and my son was in the room with me as I took care of him as my now dead-ex-husband refused to do anything as he could not be bothered from college and work.
I remember for the first few days the medical staff was surprised to see my son in the playpen next to my bed, though they were informed as to why and then focused on what needed to be done for my medical care as well as the additional questions at the time of the events still being taken care of in reference to 11 September 2001. Later in 2002 when pregnant with my daughter and hospitalized for kidney stones with the exception of the day of the stent being put in and the lazering of some of the stones to be made small enough to go through the stent despite what some wanted to believe about, my son was in the hospital room with me at the time of as well at his sister's delivery because of similar aspects in reference to the college and the work which my now dead-ex-husband preferred more-so.
Thus in reference to the image in this journal blog entry I remember and never forgot not just the aspects of 11 September 2001, though also why I fought to join the military of the United states of America's Armed Forces as thankfully that situation was averted from what it could have been and thankfully did not because of what I paid attention to that possibly some knew and possibly others thought of where they were though I cannot deny the oddity in the time line ups.
Irony in regards of other aspects in reference to my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury after effects, in regards of memory issues and cognitive disorders.
Nonetheless, I love you James and I love you Lidia. You two are my pride and joy, and I love you both and want the best for you just as much as I do for myself. I love you two, and I miss you both very much. It would be wonderful to be able to speak with you two again, when you can. I hope you two are doing well, and I continue hoping for the best.