U.E. of which T.R.M.P.; realistically, G.M.

Though some could consider this as a rant about the realities of what I have experienced and survived as I have been told before of others’ opinions saying I ‘was needlessly complaining about things that could not change because of it having been in the past’; I guesstimate there are plenty of people similar to me who may not have gone through the exact situations as I have but have gone through some situations similarly, which can understand how when others who lucky for them not having to experience such, demean what had been gone through by declare falsely as ‘bitter ex-relationship drama’ when ironically those who have never gone through such; have no idea what that actually is like. I have learned from seeing and hearing those who have never gone through anything similar to any number of combinations of what others and I have experienced, tend to be the more overdramatic ones as those who have gone through similar situations, were forced needlessly into silence. Either that or like such, made fun of and belittled further because of being able to survive what they could never imagine; though oddly some romanticize and fanaticize about, yet have no comprehension of the actual damages which are incurred.


In turn those who have never gone through such then feel jealous for whatever ungodly reason think if they falsely accuse another that puts them on the same level, as someone who actually has endured such consequences in life; when in reality they victimize those who they accuse and they revictimize those who have actually gone through the experiences, while also destroying innocent lives without justifiable cause. For example I have known males who have falsely been accused have to deal with doing what is necessary to clear their names whereas those who claimed victimhood and they have not been victimized, for whatever reason have been able to get away with it until the innocent ones prove their innocence. I myself have been accused falsely after and during victimization and instead of believing me, I myself have had to prove my innocence needlessly where the reality has always been apparent though because I ‘don’t look normal’ to what is perceived as someone who went through what I have; wrongly I have been labeled and wrongly have been treated as such, when the whole time I had and have been innocent. I know I am not the only one who has gone through both sides, though there are fewer who have thankfully; but it does not change the reality of the problems faced unjustly.

Many times over I have explained to various people of the aspects of the pathetic-ness of who is my dead-ex-husband, and despite the truth being known by various people, his two sisters/spiritual wives had a difficult time comprehending the magnitude of the aspects which their brother/spiritual husband had been when he was alive, before and after the final separation. Despite his sister Susie Marie Nichols-Lopez knowing of what was occurring (and later my biological family) having problems seeing the fact her brother and now spiritual husband beating me throughout both of my pregnancies as well as after the birth of both children of which I had to go to the Emergency Room multiple times during each pregnancy for because of how much I had been abused as well as other forms of assaults to me she had thought were “so funny” while encouraging him to cause more problems for me because of her own personal problems struggling within herself of her own insecurities, the only female in that family who defended me against their flesh and blood had been Grandma Nichols telling my now dead-ex-husband “Be better, to her”.


My biological mother had said one day after he had admitted to leaving me unconscious in the backyard, “She deserved it, for trying to leave you.” As my biological father said, “She should have been thrown out of a window, instead” among several other aspects in their talk; my biological sister instead preferred just to have sexual relations with him in #Illinois before my biological family moved to Texas as well as several times afterwards when they were in the state of #Texas. Both he as well as she had confessed to me at various points in time as my biological sister confessed just before I learned of her engagement when at our biological parents’ house, and my now dead-ex-husband admitted in confession to me a few weeks before his death.


Though some might want to deny the realities they knew of and/or assisted with what happened to me such as in the case of my ex-sister-in-law Susie Marie Nichols-Lopez, their actions I guesstimate would prove such. I will later write of the stolen valor from the United States of America’s Armed Forces, as well as the situations shortly before and after his death. First I will give a few examples of the points in the ‘marriage’ that could be considered to some other than myself, as abusive and harmful. At a minimum, the least chivalrous individual ever. Afterwards I will write of the combination aspects of the military and the points of which I endured as well because of, before writing the conclusion aspects. As I have been told wrongly before that I am ‘bitter and over-emotional’; I have done what I could to reduce the amount of emotions shown to others because of the false claims against me. Though there have been times where the necessity to refuse to allow my emotions to show because of certain circumstances, there have also been times when because I had not shown the emotional responses usually seen by others; I was falsely accused of lying. Those who have military and law enforcement backgrounds especially understand both sides of that, while also understanding the need to be as composed as possible when discussing certain matters. I have met extremely few civilians who have had the understanding though the ones who have understood, usually have gone through certain situations I have had and they can comprehend the dichotomy.


List of a few abuses from my now dead-ex-husband:


1). The marriage proposal came after finding out of my pregnancy with my son and this, is how it went. We were laying in bed when he looked over to where I was and said, “You’re going to marry me, or I am going to hunt you down and chase you wherever until I find You. I will kill everyone in my way, until I get you.” Later he got some cash out of his wallet saying, “Go to the store and buy an engagement ring and 2 wedding bands, for $150.00”

Not very romantic or chivalrous, right?

When I went to the local pawn shop and purchased what I could find as I drove back to #Lincoln #Green #Apartments I thought to myself, “What is a pawn, in chess? I think, you are that. I need to remember it is not I who am, but you who will be. At some point, I hope I can upgrade to a much better one than whatever this is going to be.” In some ways after a lengthy amount of time since December 2000, some might agree as such.


2). Though pregnant in 2001 and 2002 whenever traveling from #SanAntonio #Texas to #FortWorth Texas or even to #Lawton #Oklahoma I was the one who was in charge of packing the luggage, just as I was the one in charge of loading and unloading all of the luggage. The times when other family members went with to Lawton Oklahoma from Fort Worth Texas, I had the same responsibilities of being in charge of loading and unloading the luggage; though adding the luggage from others. This same thing occurred when his sister/spiritual wife Mary Evongelina (Nichols) Osteen had flew into Dallas Fort Worth International Airport and I was in charge of loading her and her two daughter’s luggage into the back of the van, instead of them doing so themselves; or instead of my now dead-ex-husband doing so.


3). I cannot count how many times in 2001 and 2002 I had been beaten among other aspects though only a small number of times per pregnancy was I allowed to go to the Emergency Room from the attacks from my now dead-ex-husband; only because of the way he had hit me left a mark on my stomach where my son and daughter were during each pregnancy.

4). Despite having been more than two weeks late for each delivery as well as despite having to have been induced for labor only to deliver each child seven days later and being in labor that length of time for each my son and my daughter upon returning back to the house I was informed of my ‘wifely duties’, of which had already been explained prior to their deliveries but when I thought I would have time to heal from the delivery of each child; I had been informed how wrong I had been for thinking that way.


5). Before the birth of James or Lidia I had woken to a firearm pressed against my forehead while my now dead-ex-husband was sitting on my chest, or a knife to my throat pressing the blade into my neck countless times. After 2002, there was not a single week which something similar did not occur. This does not include the times when I had been outside on the back patio in 2003 and afterwards when he would go outside to where I was sitting and press the end of the barrel, into the base of my skull at the nape of my neck; nor other aspects similar.


6). After delivering my daughter after the ‘wifely duties’, who was responsible for the lawn maintenance? Me. While I mowed the lawn, trimmed the hedges, and weed-eat-ed, he drank a Guinness beer while talking with some of the neighbors. After the Mockingbirds in the bushes had attacked him and pecked at his head, back, and other areas of his body; I was informed ‘no matter what, [he] did not want to deal with the lawn maintenance because of the birds going after’ him.


7). There had been a time which I had been attacked and after my now dead-ex-husband killed my dog Dionysus using a .22 caliber pistol and deciding to shoot my dog twice for defending me at point blank range as #Dionysus refused to allow my now dead-ex-husband to hit me or hurt me, there had been a time when my now dead-ex-husband had grabbed my dog and Dionysus defended himself; which lead to the 2 shots as my dead-ex-husband missed at point blank; though if he had used the #Baby #Desert #Eagle or the #Glock #45 instead of the .22, that would not have had my dog suffer. Due to my now-dead-ex-husband’s bitterness, he chose to use the .22 knowing when he shot he did not even attempt to do so in a way which could have been done with one shot. Instead because of the bitterness from my dead-ex-husband, that was his choice.


I was in the house as my biological father watched in the backyard when it was done and my biological mother told me “Just, get over it”; and I went to #Crystal #Mountain to talk with some of the people there because of what occurred. My #Reiki teacher was there as was a female whose mom had open a store, a little further down in that shopping center. When it was told to his family, they did not defend me or my dog for defending me. Dionysus was a mix of #Akita, #BlackLabrador #Retriever, and #ChowChow; the sweetest little puppy as he had the mane of the Chow, the tongue of the Akita, and the fur throughout the rest of the Black Labrador.


8). When the first separation was begun and finalized, I was informed I was not allowed to keep my children in my house with me. I was told by my now dead-ex-husband “If you want to stay in this house, you will have to fight me for it.” As he pushed me into the wall next to the refrigerator and slammed my head against the wall repeatedly. He was informed after that conversation ended, “If I have to move out of my house, I will not be doing anything to assist taking care of the house. I will take care of my children, and you can take care of the lawn maintenance.” Though he laughed and thought I was joking, I stood my ground. I was forced to move out of my house with the mortgage in my name to then stay on the couch at Mike and technically Christy’s house, before getting my apartment. Though I paid my bills, I also paid for my children’s school despite them not living with me; and I took care of what I could, only for them. I picked them up for school, took them to school, picked them up from school, and took care of them at my house until 7pm/19:00 when my now dead-ex-husband returned; Monday through Friday and though I was blamed for not also taking care of my children on the weekends for my now dead-ex-husband to go out, I told him “You need to grow up”; and I dealt with taking that stance through various conversations.


9). During the first separation the females I thought were friends(-ish) in the Jade Wolfe #Coven based out of #Seguin Texas had contacted my now dead-ex-husband to inform him of everything I had done, as well as the person I briefly dated at the time of the separation named Thomas Marsden. I apologized to Thomas’ mom and grandfather who was retired from The United States of America’s Air Force, and his grandfather and I spoke several times after the night my now dead-ex-husband had left voicemails on their answering machine as well as throughout the brief time of Thomas and I dating. Thomas’ grandfather and I spoke various times while near the pool in the backyard, as he truly had been a delight to speak with.


10). After the end of my time involved with The Jade Wolfe Coven and well after breaking up with Thomas Marsden who had failed out of Air Force ROTC because of the multiple suicide attempts, there was another argument. My now dead-ex-husband threatened my continuously and when one day it boiled to a head I had made a comment about #Chinese food in regards to his dogs the #MiniatureSchnauzers after what he had already done to my dog Dionysus, and in the backyard he rushed me like a football player to cause me to go flying. I landed on the concrete path on my head first, then my back, then my feet. I do not know how long I was left in the direct sunlight though I know the points written of earlier with what my biological mother and biological father told my now dead-ex-husband, occurred in the driveway as they were stopping by my house unannounced and without permission. The only reason my now dead-ex-husband came to the house had been because Eric a male from the lab at UTHSCSA had yelled at him to go check on me. I was told my now dead-ex-husband had to be convinced to leave and the way I was awoken had been with my now dead-ex-husband sitting on my chest while screaming in my face, though I did not get to see Eric at the house after that; which I was blamed for the friendship they once had disintegrating.


As a side note I think it would piss off my now dead-ex-husband if Eric and I were to get together, as my now dead-ex-husband was extremely upset up until his death about their friendship ending. Though he could be as equally pissed off if I had a relationship with my high school friend Kenny, especially after Kenny called the Lincoln Green Apartments to joke with my now dead-ex-husband of Kenny and I “being boyfriend and girlfriend”. However at the same time a #Marine from The United States of America’s #ArmedForces might also be the biggest aspect which would piss off my dead-ex-husband because of the Dress Blues aspect as well as how much I defended the #MarineCorps of The United States of #America; of which I will get to.


11). Though the first separation lasted just under the time of my apartment lease at the apartments in the area of #USAA Boulevard because my now dead-ex-husband seemed to have changed for the better, after getting back together I learned quickly otherwise. Though the reasons I thought he had changed was because he was no longer saying I ‘had wifely duties’, I learned it was just him being as he always was before. When going to Fort Worth Texas his sister said she “agreed with Robert for everything he did to [me]’ and blamed me, for leaving him and not wanting to be abused. According to her I was ‘selfish’ for not accepting, any of that.


12). At some point just before the second and final separation my now dead-ex-husband had returned to my house from the lab telling me, he received a call from the Army saying he was called back on I.R.R. of which at first I asked if there was a way for that not to happen, because of my disabilities from the injury from Psalm Sunday 2000 to make sure the children were properly taken care of. I was told, that was not a possibility. I asked several other questions which every single one I was given a different excuse until I became so enraged knowing there was something off but not knowing what it was I asked, “What do you want on your tombstone, and how do you want your funeral to go?”

He thought I was joking and I distinctly informed my now dead-ex-husband “You will not survive the Iraq War, you will be in a body bag before it is over. If you leave that area, you will not return the same. You will not live, I promise you of that.” I admittedly was trying to scare him and knock some sense into him, but he continued to think I was joking. He cared more about the Atheist symbol on his marker and he did not care one way or another, but if cremation could occur; then it would be.


Granted when the day came I allowed his mom to not have to have the cremation because of her religious beliefs as explained to me by my ex-sister-in-law Susie, but if I could afford to have that burned up and remove the marker from the #DallasFortWorthNationalCemetery; I would do so in a heartbeat without hesitation. He tried lying to me more about what he could and could not do in reference to #IRR as supposedly he thought he could choose to become an Officer and anyone know knows me, knows I would not be a good Officer’s wife with the way certain aspects of being an Officer’s wife goes.


My now dead-ex-husband thought I ‘could just fit in’ and I made it clear, no I would not. I pointed at my hair and then reminded him of how I speak, but that did not seem to make any sense to his understanding of how The United States of America’s Armed Forces in specific the spouses happen to be in reference to the mannerisms. Though I can get along with Officer’s wives, it is different to get along with Officers wives than to be an Officer’s wife and get along in the same way. I tried to explain the decorum necessary and that, did not make any sense to him. Later he tried to tell me he could ‘pick which duty station [he] was assigned to’ of which I told him “Not when you are called back to duty, on IRR.” I was told I ‘knew nothing of the Army’ and I explained “It does not matter which branch of the United States of America’s Armed Forces if you are called back to duty, you don’t get to choose where the military sends you.” I was told again of how I ‘didn’t have the slightest idea of how the real Army works’; though I guesstimate there are a few who might be able to verify the accuracy of my statements back then.


13). As a side note which occurred throughout the time since I had been medically retired from The United States of America’s Armed Forces #Army branch, if I had thanked someone for their service to the city or the state or the country; I went through the discussion aspects of a conversation from my now dead-ex-husband. While some might be annoyed reading or hearing me continuously say the words dead-ex-husband; I personally enjoy saying and writing such, because of what I survived. If some are offended because I write or say as such, that is not my problem to deal with.


Now to the points of which are a mixture of the military while also at the time of and after the final separation from who is now my dead-ex-husband:



My son James Michael with his now dead (as of 28 January 2008) biological father E5 Robert Walker Nichols which you can verify the medals on the Dress Blues against his record compared to what he did and did not earn



My daughter Lidia Louise with her now dead (as of 28 January 2008) biological father E5 Robert Walker Nichols which you can verify the medals on the Dress Blues against his record compared to what he did and did not earn



1). After the final separation became reality for my now dead-ex-husband’s (Sergeant E5 Robert Walker Nichols B: 19 March 1976 D: 22 January 2008) understanding though during the time of thought the marriage was able to be reconciled and his claim of IRR status while trying to tell me of his choice where he could be stationed, there was a point which he wanted to try a polyamorous relationship. Again anyone who knows anything about the military Armed Forces of The United States of America and I guesstimate any other country’s military branch would know, you do not tell the military where you are going to be stationed; you are told where you are going to be stationed, and you do not get to choose whether you go back when through the IRR status of whether you are going to be an officer or an enlisted soldier. I was allowed to date only who he chose, while he continued cheating on me as it was his excuse for an attempt to keep the marriage going.


He picked a male for me to date whom I did not want to but had found as semi-acceptable from the few choices I was given. One choice had been someone he knew from college who grew up in #DelRio Texas, but I did not feel comfortable with him as the discussions seemed odd when he talked. One option was another male he knew from college, who I had only meat once and did not have a good feeling from. The final and only other choice I was given had been ‘#CactusJack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr or as my son and daughter know him as ‘Mr. Jeff’. I know there are people in plenty of areas who know what type of arrangement this was, and I know there are those who know how this does not work out in a good or positive way all the time. The irony of the setup had been when ‘Cactus Jack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr claimed he felt he was raped, when he and my now dead-ex-husband discussed an encounter which I did not want to have anything to do with. Not forgetting all of the years prior to hear someone who discussed what he wanted with my now dead-ex-husband against my will and against my wants to tell me he ‘felt raped’; disgusts me to this very second. That being said ‘Cactus Jack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr had been a part of and/or a witness to various aspects, whether he tells the truth or not is the question. However, since I can only tell the truth at least there is that. I guesstimate that can be proven, in some way.


2). Shortly before the final separation came which this actually caused the final separation to occur, had been my birthday. For the first time in the years of the marriage he purchased me a birthday gift after the friends of mine at #AtlantisDiscovered informed him of what I would like, in comparison to what he thought I would like. They did a phenomenal job as they knew I adore flutterbies as I call them but they are known as butterflies of a necklace with matching colored earrings, an ornamental faery , and an ornamental dragon. The day he gave me the birthday presents ‘Cactus Jack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr and I were in the garage at my San Antonio house when my now dead-ex-husband went upstairs, to get the final surprise. He came back down into the garage to walk through the door in Dress Blues and when he put his hat cover onto the freezer, he knocked over my birthday presents. The necklace went on the ground and he stepped onto the flutterby knocking out one of the stones, as the faery and dragon fell off of the freezer and broke upon landing on the floor.


Resin compared to concrete, it does not take a head injury to figure out which one proverbially won.

When I did not pay attention to him in the Dress Blues he threw a temper tantrum and was mad at me for being upset, while ‘Cactus Jack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr initially laughed. As both of them blamed me for putting the presents on the flat surface of the freezer, I dealt with the conversations afterward. The two joked with one another calling themselves ‘brothers-in-arms’ and looking back now, I can very much see the similarities between the two. Later ‘Cactus Jack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr said he would glue the statues back together since he painted miniatures for his game #Warhammer, but I could see the seam from where the broken had happened. Later I learned the Dress Blues were full of ribbons and medals my now dead-ex-husband did not earn as, however I will get to that later. The only thing I noticed was the entire uniform was wrinkled as though it had been crumpled in a bag, the brass was not shining as it should, and the Dress Blues were not The Marine Dress Blues for The United States of America.


While I understand there are different versions of Dress Blues in the various branches of The United States of America’s Armed Forces, I have never denied and have always said “There is nothing, like a sharp dressed Marine in Dress Blues.” My Captain Cupcake tried to show me a picture of him and some of his friends wearing Dress Blues when I was in Medical Hold Unit, and I told my Captain Cupcake (do not let that name fool you, he can be vicious if you mess with The United States of America’s Armed Forces) in his Commanding office “That looks good, Captain. It is still, not The Marine Corps Dress Blues. You guys look good, but not as good as Marines in their Dress Blues.” I realize now, that might have been a little metaphorically ball-sy to say to my Company #Commander in his office, without hesitation. I told him “it was not that they did not look good and their uniforms were crisp, but there is a difference between those Dress Blues and The Marine Corps Dress Blues.”

3). After the final separation from my now dead-ex-husband he had known I had gotten several tattoos, as the first one I had done was taken care of to assist my memory to not be involved in a marriage like that again; though the relationship aspect I should have paid attention to as well, but also the aspects of the fact my socks cover the tattoo and I need to see to be able to have that click proverbially. Thus as I had said and written before maybe just maybe, that might show the memory deficit and cognitive disorders from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury. The other tattoos I had done were on my back and other ankle which obviously I cannot see my back without a mirror and the other ankle being no different than the first tattoo, on my right ankle.


A quick side note when I had gotten the back tattoos as well as the left ankle tattoo which were completed in #Tyler #Texas, there was a small brick Church with an older cemetery of which I wrote about in one of my first two books. I had wanted to see inside of the small Cathedral and though it was locked I went for a walk in the cemetery, finding a small pond with dirty color water. Please forward this and/or any other journal blog entries to the local law enforcement if they need to speak with me; as I can answer whatever questions they need to know of what I know honestly if needed. I had seen a ball and claw bathtub upside down in the middle of the pond and though my now dead-ex-husband did not want to help me and did not, I walked on top of a small twig on top of the water to grab a nearby stick to flip over the bathtub. I personally felt there was something which was important there, but I did not know what. I apologize if there were any problems I did not know about, but I am back in the state of Texas and law enforcement are welcome to contact me as needed. My haircut was similar to what I have currently but the sides and the back were not waxed, and the shade of red was similar though varying. After I flipped that bathtub over which had only one leg out of the water and it took me a bit to wiggle the lip to get the bathtub flipped over, I did not see anything come to the surface. I did wait for a little bit but when my now dead-ex-husband started getting mad at me for waiting to see what was there, I had to leave and go to the #Ford #Focus station wagon. I left the stick nearby if there did happen to be a need for me, then there would be proof I had been there aside from most likely my footprints.


As he had seen my tattoos and had wanted some of his own which were different than the ones he had later he showed me the four meat-tag tattoos, which he had been yelled at about. He was mad I did not find them cool, nor impressive. He was mad at me for not backing down from my stance and despite the conversation which occurred, he was even more mad at me because of my anger and fury of how many people he did not care he was putting at risk. Whereas ‘#CactusJack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr and my dead-ex-husband’s sister Susie Marie Nichols-Lopez thought the meat-tags were more important than what he had been warned about, no one listened to me in the area of how dangerous it was for those to be done. I know there had to be someone somewhere who would know I was correct about the dangers, but no one I knew at the time was listening to me. If the NSA heard me and/or some law enforcement and/or military of The United States of America’s Armed Forces did hear me, I am not sorry my dead-ex-husband had not lasted when he went to Iraq.


Those who understand and comprehend military aspects of know without a doubt those four individual meat-tags would not originally have been tested for DNA and know the law enforcement and military would initially only had looked for the people of the meat-tags if what I had feared would have been reality of if my dead-ex-husband was captured, they would have skinned him and sent the flesh to the local base. The searches that would have ensued afterwards as well as the amount of people which would have been deployed and injured in certain cases, would have been far more than my dead-ex-husband’s death. Not forgetting the family of each being notified as per law, and the needs which would have been required for such. Though my dead-ex-husband signed the paperwork January 2007, left for training for 3 months, had a few weeks of down time before deploying; there were a lot of people who could have seen those meat-tags; who would have known far more details of what I have said and written to be the absolute truth.


4). In reference to #13 but in addition during the graduation ceremony when the national anthem of The Star Spangled Banner had been played before the graduation ceremony began in #Austin Texas at #Camp #Mabry, after the graduation ceremony I was yelled at for saluting during The Star Spangled Banner. I defended myself as I could to try not to make a scene while showing my children of my proudness for the national anthem, as well as the respect for all of the soldiers who graduated; including all of those who came before them and would go afterwards, to keep The United States of America and the world safe. Though ‘#CactusJack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr laughed as well as agreed with my now dead-ex-husband, I did not falter for my choice to salute. However when getting in the car to drive to the Baingan’s my now dead-ex-husband and ‘#CactusJack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr talked in the front seats while I sat in the back with my son and my daughter. I tried to deal with my headache which had turned into a migraine before we arrived at the Benogin’s, which the discussion of why I felt the need to salute the #American Flag and the graduating class of that group continued. I did not back down from my stance, though it was difficult for me to verbalize as much pain as I was in.


Again in reference to both my ex-in-laws as well as those who supported them, there were a lot of people your spiritual husband pissed off just with those meat-tags. That did not include the people’s records he had told who he messed with and changed the information of for promotions and demotions for his 6 years in The United States of America’s Army branch, nor did that include the others who eventually saw his Dress Blues uniform. If my ex-in-laws feel their spiritual husband or brother or cousin (depending of where the individual falls within the spectrum) had been murdered in comparison to the death certificate which states he died of a “Mixed Medication Over-Dose”; first I had nothing to do with that and second if it was a murder, there are a long list of people to go through for the years just between 1992 through to 2008; not forgetting when he was in high school or prior years of education, nor all of the people wherever he was stationed which he proudly showed his meat-tags to who had prior military experience.


When Grandpa Nichols agreed with me in reference to the meat-tags and he had done time in Vietnam, I cannot see how anyone else did not see what he and I saw; in that particular group of people.


5). My now dead-ex-husband had his own apartment before he signed the paperwork which apparently was not for IRR because if it was, the paperwork would have been signed in the first few days of him telling me he had been called back to IRR. I guesstimate because he no longer received help from me in reference to his breast cancer research because he refused to give me credit for what I had suggested he research, he gave up and contacted the Army himself instead; but did not want to admit to such either. He had already admitted if I did not stay with him he wanted to rob a store and hold a cellphone out to cause the local police to shoot him and if that was his ulterior motive to reenlisting, then that shows his own insecurities at that time. I yelled at him for that as well, for that was not a good thing to do to the #Police. However, I think he said that during the first separation just before he shot himself while claiming to clean the 22 fire-arm. Yes, he was mad at me for not running back to him after he shot himself as he claimed he did not know the firearm was loaded when he was cleaning it; but some-how he missed all vital organs after claiming he was a #Marksmanship #Rifleman.


He went to training and around the middle of #May 2007 he went to Iraq, and what I wrote of in reference to him calling my house to ignore my children (his biological children) to speak with me did annoy me. He called later and later thinking I would not wake up my children to get them a chance to speak with him and then when they would quickly pass the phone back to me, he would yell at me for not wanting to talk with him. Then, just my ex-husband. No, he did not ever send any money to me to help me raise them in any financial way either. In either the beginning or June or the beginning of July, he had been injured and sent to #Germany for the injuries he claimed he had. I received a phone call from a soldier in Iraq who told me “there was an explosion, Sergeant Nichols is being taken to German, and there they will decide what to do with him.” I tried asking a few questions, but knew the soldier could only give me so much information. In the beginning or middle of September 2007, he was at #FortSamHouston in San Antonio Texas in what is now the #WarriorTransitionUnit #WTU at #JBSA.


As I promised Grandpa and Grandma Nichols, I informed them while still taking my children to Fort Worth Texas every other weekend for my children to visit with them from San Antonio Texas; beginning after my now dead-ex-husband went to Iraq. Anyone who knows military or legal standards, I did not and there was not any legal requirement to do that. I chose to do that, out of the goodness of my heart for my children. I did warn the Nichols family they needed to be careful not to take advantage of my good nature, as if they chose to; they would know the consequences quickly.


6). Upon my now dead-ex-husband’s return to The United States of America after about a couple of weeks, I set up an appointment at #JCPenney #Portrait #Studio to have a group picture as well as pictures of my children with their biological father as well as a picture with me. My now dead-ex-husband chose to wear his Dress Blues after he had tried to say because he ‘had a #TBI, that made us twins’ which I informed him quickly; it did not make up anything close to that, but the complete opposite. When he arrived he refused to show me his claim to having had shrapnel wounds in his back, as well as in his chest. He refused to show me any of the wounds he said he had but instead, told me just to believe him which I had learned; I could not do because of what he told me about IRR. For those pictures I picked him up from Fort Sam Houston in his Dress Blues, drove to the #JCPenneyPortraitStudio where we walked around the mall to get to the location, and then took the pictures. I later returned him back to Fort Sam Houston to go to the Warrior Transition Unit, for the rest of the week.


Less than a few weeks later was Halloween and my now dead-ex-husband wore his Dress Blues around the neighborhood of my house with my children, my neighbor #Emily, and her children. When returning to my house he complained of the fact someone yelled at him about his Dress Blues, and I did not defend him. He was even more upset with me when I did not get upset with whomever yelled at him as I said “If you were yelled at about your uniform, you do have wrinkles in your pants and your jacket. Someone in the city of San Antonio knows far better than I, what your uniform should look like.”


Again though I did not have to, I did take my now dead-ex-husband from San Antonio to Fort Worth each or every other weekend for him and my children to spend time with his family.


7). Around the time between #Thanksgiving and #Christmas had been when my now dead-ex-husband started to admit all of what he had done, in reference to cheating on me and with who. The list was long, and the number amount of females were far more than the fingers and toes I have. He later then yelled at my neighbors which I had to apologize for, because he yelled at the children for enjoying fireworks during #NewYearsEve; then got mad at me for being mad at him, for yelling at my neighbors, while not forgetting him purchasing ruby and gold jewelry for a married female in the neighborhood who he tried to get me to be jealous of. I warned him that was not a good idea, as he could not claim of not knowing she was married to my neighbor as they lived there before I purchased the house; whom I did warn Arnold and Emily of what he was planning after he told me who it was he was buying jewelry for. This was after he had yelled at the neighbors and was mad at me for defending #motorcyclists and their wives, instead of defending him. Though he was also mad at me for defending the motorcyclists’, their wives, and their children who were simply enjoying New Years Eve with small poppers as well as sparklers and not actual fireworks comparatively.


8). After the announcement of my now dead-ex-husband’s death and having learned of the #Memorial Service changed from the day I was told by my Funeral Director which was the following Monday to the day Friday when I had to sign for the body, I arrived at the Laurel Ridge Funeral Home which my ex-sister-in-law wanted the remains and funeral to be taken care of. There is when I had met the Chief Warrant Officer 3 and asked “if he had a more important golf game to attend instead of an E5 Infantry Sergeant’s funeral” which not to be disrespectful, but the reality of an E7 to be direct ordered not to attend and to have a replacement of a Chief Warrant Officer 3 is a big deal as anyone with understanding and comprehension of The United States of America’s Armed Forces would know. After making sure my children were squared away the Chief Warrant Officer 3, my ex-in-laws, my children, and I went into a conference room where the Chief Warrant Officer 3 asked about the medals and ribbons which were on my dead-ex-husband’s Dress Blues in the pictures from JC Penney Portrait Studio. Before the Chief Warrant Officer 3 was able to finish his questions my 2 ex-sisters-in-law (Mary Evongelina [Nichols] Osteen and Susie Marie Nichols—Lopez had leaned onto the table and started yelling at the Chief Warrant Officer 3. I ended the talk and told the Chief Warrant Officer 3 we could go for a walk and smoke, so he could ask me whatever questions he needed without the ex-sisters0-in-laws bothering. Though I had to inform him of their attempted maneuvers it was only after the nieces/nephews/ex-sisters-in-law did exactly as I warned the Chief Warrant Officer 3 of what they were going to do; had he been able to ask me questions without their interruptions.

The Chief Warrant Officer 3 asked me “Would you believe if there were discrepancies in Sergeant Nichols’ Dress Blues?” When I asked what he meant he explained there were two or three Purple Heart Oak Leaf clusters as well as the Purple Heart ribbon, which were not in the official record. I told him of my dead-ex-husband trying to get another #PurpleHeart but was denied and then told the Chief Warrant Officer 3 of the lies and the deceptions of why the end of the marriage had been, and the Chief Warrant Officer 3 listened to me. I told him “I know I might sound like a bitter ex-wife and though I am bitter about certain things, that has nothing to do with our talk. I am not bitter about the United States of America’s Armed Forces, but what he chose to do is what he chose to do.” The Chief Warrant Officer 3 asked me if my dead-ex-husband had done anything illegal before and I gave the Chief Warrant Officer 3 honest answers, as I had and do. The Chief Warrant Officer 3 had informed me there were more than just the Oak Clusters, Purple Heart, as well as a few other ribbons on the Dress Blues which my dead-ex-husband had not earned and the Chief’s words “Self-Awarded”; which I then told him what my dead-ex-husband had told me. I was told he had been stationed in #Kazakhstan, #England, #SouthKorea on the #DMZ, and a few other locations but did not know much of the career.






I told the Chief Warrant Officer 3 about the times when I would ask about the times in the Army, and what would happen if I asked too many questions. After the Chief Warrant Officer 3 and I finished talking and I answered all the questions he had at the time, we went inside of Laurel Land Funeral Home and I told the Chief I would get the information to the ex-in-laws with the help of my ex-brother-in-law Tony W. Nichols and my ex-brother-in-law David Osteen; which they could assist with making sure my ex-sisters-in-laws understood their brother had stolen valor as the Chief Warrant Officer 3 tried to explain to them in the conference room before they started verbally attacking him. I did tell the Chief Warrant Officer 3 about the pictures at JC Penney Portrait Studio as well as the Halloween reaction, but that portion did not make more sense to me at the time. The Chief Warrant Officer 3 said he appreciated me dealing with my ex-sisters-in-law for him as he was shocked by their responses in the conference room and was uncertain how the rest would go, which I told him “They will overreact, they will be overdramatic, they will blame the wrong people, and then they will be faced with the truth and reality. When they are faced with the truth and reality they will be so beside themselves, they will not know what to do. When that moment comes, most likely it will be too late for them.”


9). At the funeral was up to my ex-sister-in-law Susie Marie Nichols-Lopez as she wanted a Catholic funeral right done even though I warned her against it especially after all of the family members against my wishes had put non-Catholic religious items into the casket as well as without my permission and though I let my children put a skateboard and a sea turtle into the casket, at that point I did not know of the #Catholic funeral rights yet.

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I was informed later and I thought it to be wrong to take it out, but knew they were non-religious symbols which the Catholic Church would not be mad at my children or I about; unlike the #Hindu statue from Grandma Nichols, the #Anubis statue from Susie Marie Nichols-Lopez, the African symbol from Mary Evongelina (Nichols), as only Tony had put a simple cross into the casket and Grandpa Nichols put the #yammicah on my dead-ex-husband’s head. The Saint Andrews Catholic Church Priest was warned by me of my dead-ex-husband’s atheist symbol for his tombstone and the other religious items which were not given permission to be in there; especially for a Catholic funeral right. I had told my ex-sisters-in-law and Grandma Nichols to remove the items, but they refused. Later I contacted the Holy Roman #CatholicChurch to inform them of the improprieties done by my ex-sisters-in-law; and the Priest did not hold the ceremony in the Catholic Church but in the cafeteria.

10). At the funeral portion at the DFW National Cemetery there had been 2 different Major Generals (2 Star Generals) which were in attendance as well as several Officers all Lieutenant Colonel and above, and the Enlisted soldiers were E8 and above. I pointed that proverbial red flags to Tony, David, and Grandpa Nichols and each of them realized what I pointed out. There the American Flag was almost dropped as I could tell none of the 21 Gun Salute soldiers knew there would be such high ranking officials at the funeral, and then the 2 different 2 Star Generals gave myself first and then Grandpa and Grandma Nichols a Bronze Star awarded to my dead-ex-husband. When I was presented the Bronze Star I asked “What did he do to earn this, when he didn’t earn a Purple Heart?” They asked me to be polite and “Think of the family”; which I did, though probably not in the way either of the 2 different 2 Star Generals thought I was at the moment. I told them I wanted to ask questions and one who I did meet with later said, “We can talk after the funeral”; though I doubt he expected the talk to be in his office at Fort Sam Houston later that year, nor the way it went. After the funeral was over I went to the soldiers who had completed the 21 Gun Salute to thank them for their time and their service, as well as to talk with the soldier who had almost dropped the American Flag to warn him of the meeting he would have soon; because of almost dropping the American Flag. I warned him not to be alarmed, and to keep his chin up as well as a few other things that would happen in the meeting. He understood and thanked me for explaining it to him as I said, “I know you were nervous to see that much brass, but you’ll be okay. You’ll get a bit of a chewing but when you talk just be calm, and breathe. You will be okay, just stay calm.” He nodded, I shook the hands of the different soldiers, and then went looking for the 2 different 2 Star Generals and was not surprised to see they had left the area.


11). After returning to San Antonio from Fort Worth, I went to the Military Police station at Fort Sam Houston to then be taken to Criminal Investigation Division (CID), which I was questioned for over 3.5 hours; which it felt like an interrogation and those who could envision such, I guesstimate they could agree it could have been the equivalent of an interrogation. Towards the end of the questioning I had aggravated one of the agents so much he opened the computer screen to show me the slide of pictures of my dead-ex-husband’s body found when DOA, and I had after reviewing all of them I thanked him for verifying the death of my dead-ex-husband of which I guesstimate; that #CID #Agent was not expecting. I told him “If you knew what I went through, you would comprehend why I just thanked you.”


As there had been multiple aspects of which were going on in the Medical Hold Unit at the time in 2000 which had continued through to 2008, as I went up the Chain of Command I informed them of various aspects I remembered still going on to try to assist the soldiers of the Warrior Transition Unit. I eventually met with Colonel Sheridan’s aide a different Colonel, before going to Garrison Command, and then to the Commander of Brooke Army Medical Center now San Antonio Medical Center (#SAMC); to bring up the different aspects to the attention of the General. Though at first the General was in another meeting, after 2 different soldiers (yes what I wrote of the buddy and the kitty did occur in reference to “Finding the Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing”); when the General walked in pretending not to see me, but as you can tell from my pictures, I do not camouflage.


Pretending to be surprised when he turned to see me I was then invited into General Gillman’s office to speak with him about the different issues throughout the Warrior Transition Unit which at the time had not changed from when it was the Medical Hold Unit, to get the soldiers, the soldiers’ spouses, and their dependent families better assistance while also getting answers for my children and my ex-in-laws as I said I would. Afterwards (including what I wrote in reference to the name I was called by the 2 Star General as well as the other aspects written in “Finding A Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing” and “Finding The Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing”) my son and my daughter were able to get the Memorial service, which after I did take the podium and thank those who were in attendance while giving a brief for the soldiers there for their won awareness.


12). When I received an email later in reference to the Colonel returning from Iraq with the deployed Unit and asked if I wanted to meet with the Colonel too, I thought the 2 Star General was being sarcastic but I genuinely wanted to meet with the Colonel once told of the arrival. I guesstimate the 2 Star General did not expect me to take him up on the offer, but I did and in the meeting I did give the Bronze Star to the Colonel after what did occur in reference to the bag as previously written. I told my ex-in-laws they were not to use the Bronze Star in any references though I guesstimate especially Susie Marie Nichols-Lopez did not heed my warning, and not only utilized the Dress Blue images which the Chief Warrant Officer 3 had told her had illegitimate awards on the uniform; I recently reverified through a friend with former military service in The United States of America’s Armed Forces Army Branch. Those of you who read this who have experiences with the comprehension and knowledge of the Dress Blues for The United States of America’s Army branch will be able to identify which were and were not in the correct area; as well as be able to tell through your own verifications which awards are genuinely in the record in comparison to what is on the Dress Blues.


I never graduated Basic Training for The United States of America’s Army branch of the Armed Forces, but I also never thought to steal valor. The only ribbons I know what they look like are the Rainbow Ribbon for graduating Basic Training, and the Medal of Honor ribbon. Though I know what the various Medal of Honor medal awards looks like, I do not know what the Basic Training medal looks like.


With this particular journal blog entry I hope whomever has been defrauded by my ex-in-laws are able to get the justice necessary and the reimbursements needed, for whatever they defrauded you of. I do truly apologize it took me a while to figure out certain aspects but I had spoken of such and wrote of, well before. Here is the clarification. If there is further need of my testimony, please do contact me through the website email and/or phone number.


In conclusion and a bit off topic, I had gone through some of the pages of “Finding A Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing” as well as “Finding The Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing” outside of the state of Washington because of the electrical and technology issues for me and in reference to a few points of which even though I felt there was a cover up in regards to what happened to my daughter at McCoy Elementary School/CFBISD (Carrollton Farmers Branch Independent School District) as well as at the Fort Worth Zoo because of other people covering each other instead of taking responsibility for what occurred and how I felt there was no justice for my children and I; I did not want that to be the end all be all. I wanted to believe there is actually justice in those situations and I had hoped there would be sooner rather than later, as I also did not want to believe there were people covering up for others’ choices and behaviors. My son and my daughter had suffered enough just as I have suffered enough, but I also knew if my children as well as myself were experiencing such from such a set of stereotypes, so too were others.


Whether they too were former/current military for The United States of America’s Armed Forces and/or others with tattoos and/or different colors in their skin and/or different haircuts rather than what is considered as the normal for the area and/or other discriminatory patterns of behavior for those people of that area (not all but those who I referenced in my books though specifically “Finding A Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing”); there obviously had been an established pattern of behavior in that region. I wanted to believe justice would prevail and I still hope for such, however the aspects up to the moment of writing I had not seen as such. Though I know there was more written in that particular email within that page; I guesstimate certain problems in reference to my issues with technology as well as being in Washington state had caused further issues. For example I had written far more than only one aspect of which to be repaid for the damages caused by the McCoy Elementary School and Carrollton Farmers Branch Independent School, and seeing 4 blank spots next to the different numbers I know each had their own points of which were brought to the attention for the legal aspects of request in regards to what happened to my daughter, my son, and I.


1). The house repaid to me in full of all costs as well as the moving fees for each location for my daughter’s healthcare needs, as well as the return of the property to me


2). Pain and suffering to my daughter payments for what she endured because of what occurred at the Fort Worth Zoo, pain and suffering payments for the bullying she endured, and pain and suffering payments for the fact McCoy Elementary School did not put her into Tier 2 during the October 2009 District Therapy nor did they put her into Tier 3 in December 2009 when she was first admitted into Denton Behavioral Health; as well as pain and suffering payments to my son for being bullied after the Fort Worth Zoo; as well as pain and suffering payments to me for doing everything I was doing and the pain levels elevating from the known medical disabilities from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury which the school staff was made fully aware of when registering my children for school as well as with each teach they had as well as with the Principal Dawn Rink in their first year as well as the Guidance Counselor Angela Reiter.


3). The healthcare completely taken care of for my daughter for what happened to her and the bullying the school allowed to continue on, as written by their District Therapist Beth Warren during one of the meetings for therapy which should have put my daughter into the ARD Tier 2. I even requested the healthcare to be set up in a prepaid account which only went through that account to not have any problems messing up the paperwork, and the school/school district would be billed directly to the school/school district instead of the payments out of pocket further from me.


4). The rent I had to pay for each location per month because of my house was paid off as well as the bills incurred for each location, as the house I had purchased in Carrollton had been paid in full. I had to sell my house that I redesigned and remodeled because of having to move to closer locations for my daughter and my son’s best interest in all ways, and the inconvenience of having to do so was absolutely unnecessary.


5). Travel expenses for each trip I had to take before I had moved including but not limited to the wear and tear on my vehicles, the gas, oil changes, and etcetera for each trip I had to take for my daughter’s meetings with her because of her never having been in a residential treatment center before the Fort Worth Zoo incident nor was she in an acute care facility before the bullying from the students and the parents and the staff at McCoy Elementary School of Carrollton Farmers Branch Independent School District. The medical records would fully prove that, as I will upload images of the documentation where the school district therapist wrote how my daughter had to learn how to respond to being bullied; instead of the school teaching children not to bully.


This particular journal blog post is in reference to clarifying points in “Finding A Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing” and “Finding The Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing” since at the time of writing and compiling the documents within, I did not know about the stalking or hacking involved at the time; nor did I know about the technology problems when I had scanned the documents from others for the first book as proof in order after, I had typed up the other portions in my own words. If only one book was presented to any law enforcement meaning in reference to only the second book “Finding The Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing” and that book being far less in pages comparatively without any documentations unlike the first book “Finding A Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing”; those who chose to bring less than one third of the necessary information to Congress and/or Senate would I guesstimate have far more legal problems, than they had planned.



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