In 1996 I went to #BaptistCampLebanon in #Lebanon #NewJersey which I had 2 weeks scheduled at the camp, in 2 separate sections of weeks for the camps. While the first week went well and the time for the tests were the normal routine of checking how each individual camper could swim in the lake, I was able to pass both weeks as I had easily passed the prior summers’ weeks of #camp. Each set was a test of #swimming distances in the middle section between the four different areas, to test to see whether or not each camper could swim across and back. The next section was treading waters in the deeper area of the lake for several minutes, of which I easily grew bored with and tested myself instead of just the test that was occurring. Instead of simply treading water for the three minutes, I positioned my arms and hands or legs and feet in different ways, to see how well I could do extra to ensure my own swimming skills and capabilities. Though I had passed the prior week I had attended at the camp however many weeks before the second camp week, I had to repeat that test.
When the first week of camp occurred, I had gotten to know a male camp counselor named Brian Cantrell or Brian Catrell. That week he and I talked about various topics of which he said ‘I am surprised you are so old, and yet so young. Why can you speak with me about this, but you do not have the age of that knowledge?”
By the end of the week he and I had exchanged information to write letters back and forth with one another, and when I returned for the second week to attend camp; one of the female campers in my cabin had been interested in knowing about Brian. Rachael and I talked about Brian as well as what I understood of him, and she seemed intrigued but also upset he did not talk with her the same way as he talked with me. During the week around #Wednesday one of the other female campers had commented of Brian being ‘Chester the Molester’ and I defended Brian to her, in front of the different female campers. As he continued and as the other teenagers continued with camp, the fact Rachael was having multiple issues with her own personal connection with Brian had become apparent. She told me she ‘was used to getting the attention of people without any problems, but Brian seemed different and not noticing [her] the way [she] was used to.’
The night of the co-ed sleepover in the #Nature Cabin as I previously wrote of in several online journal blogs as well as a couple of books had occurred as written, on my birthday being the following day of that year of 29 August. There had been movies watched while eating #pizza as the camp counselors wheeled in a television with a VCR to watch, and Rachel moved her sleeping bag to the other side of Brian saying she wanted to curl up with him. Brian had wanted to sleep next to me, he had put his arm around me after the movie portion, he unbuttoned my pajama shirt, and I dealt with the molestation at the time to turn to my side and cry as quietly as I could. The next morning when I saw him laying there watching me sleep I jumped out of my sleeping bag, accidentally stepped into the open box of pizza, and ran to grab Rachael’s hand to pull her to the bathroom.
As Rachael and I ran from the Nature Cabin to the cabin with our belongings to get the shower supplies to run to the bathroom with the showers, I ran into the shower as soon as the water was warm enough and I began scrubbing myself clean. I scrubbed my skin so much and so hard, my skin turned as red as a lobster after being cooked. After several minutes as Rachael talked about random nonsense, I blurted out of the female camper who had stated Brian was a molester and told her what happened; though when I finished speaking all Rachael said was ‘#metoo’.
The female who told me of the name and I had defended Brian against, ironically walked into the bathroom after my confession of what occurred and how bad I felt for yelling at her. When she came into the bathroom and I saw her, I confessed and apologized to her for not knowing and for her being accurate. I explained what happened and she left the bathroom which Rachael repeated after I spoke ‘#metoo’, while Rachael looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. I was so confused, I did not know what to think. Then the female camp counselor returned with 2 female camp counselors and I had to repeat my side of things again, and those counselors told me to get out of my towel to get dressed.
I followed the directions and was taken to the front of the campgrounds to the director’s office, being forced to walk by all of the campers for the entire camp; and ironically Brian and his cabin group were standing at the door area waiting to go inside the cafeteria, as I walked by with the female camp counselors. The males looked at me while the females whispered among themselves from the other area, and the 2 female camp counselors who came to the bathroom pushed me to move forward instead of stopping and staring like a deer in headlights. When in the director’s office individually Rachael and then I, were taken to speak with the camp director. Then we were sent to sit in the waiting room which I simply read a #Highlights magazine to try to focus my attention in a more positive direction, as the lack of knowledge of what was going to occur overwhelmed me.
First Rachael’s dad walked in and went to the camp director’s office, as she and I sat in the waiting area. She doted on and on about how her dad was paying attention to her, and how much importance she was to him. As my biological parents and biological sister walked through the door, Rachael’s father ran out from the director’s office and scooped his daughter up and into his arms. As he held her and consoled her my biological sister sat in the waiting room as our biological parents spoke with the director, and she complained about the time it was taking. When my biological parents came into the waiting room walking slowly, I was yelled at and blamed for ‘causing the camp counselor to touch me because of wearing a bathing suit at camp’. As my biological sister complained about what she was late for, my biological parents continued to yell at me about what they were told. As I got up from the couch area to walk to the door to leave out from the peripheral vision of my eyes I thought I saw Rachael’s dad look in astonishment as to how everything was occurring in front of his eyes. As his daughter curled in his arms and smiled, he watched as the tears I tried to hold back as well as the way I was being talked to; when walking out of the waiting area. I was taken back to the cabin to pack my stuff, to then leave the campgrounds.
On the way back to the house in #Morganville New Jersey in #MarlboroTownship, I remember stopping at a #BurgerKing as my biological father said we needed to eat after the long drive. After the food was at the table my biological father asked “Do you want the good news, or the bad news first?”
My biological sister shrugged her shoulders because of what plans of hers were delayed, as I simply stared at the tray of food. Since neither one of us answered he said, “The good news is neither of you have to argue over who feeds or waters the dog, the bad news is A is dead.”
I looked up at him asking “What do you mean, my dog is dead? He was who I was going to run to when getting back to the house, after what happened. First I don’t have Damien to go to, and now I don’t have my dog to go to; is that what you are telling me?” (Damien was a childhood friend who I grew up with who lived in the house next door to my babysitter’s house Sony and Joe, and he died earlier the same year of a car accident when his dad drove him to #MarlboroMiddleSchool)
When the detectives came to the house to question me, my biological mother told them they ‘didn’t need to worry about questioning [me] because of the attention seeking because if [I] did not wear a bathing suit at camp then that would not have enticed Brian to touch [me]’ while my biological father told them I ‘was being a difficult child’. My biological sister blamed me for being emotional about the situation and within 2 years, my biological parents moved my biological sister and I from New Jersey to #CrystalLake #Illinois. At some point during summer I had to get on an airplane to fly back to New Jersey to testify about what occurred, and I remember a few details of.
Rachael and I were put into a conference room type of location in the #courthouse and there were several #PoliceOfficers in the room, which the prosecutor had said we “were allowed to be in the same room but were not allowed to speak about the case. [We] were allowed to speak about anything, except the court proceedings.” Thankfully the prosecutor made my biological mother leave the room and sit in the courtroom, while waiting for my time to testify. After my testimony which the only thing I remember was tearing up a stress ball in the stand while the defendant lawyer got closer to me, asking his questions. I tried to remain calm as I could while Brian stared at me, the whole time. There was a point when I asked the Judge if I could use the bathroom, which the court was given a few minutes to clear out and do so before I returned to finish.
After my testimony, my biological mother and I got on the airplane to return to Illinois. A few weeks later when I was in summer school after the class and while at someone’s house, my biological mother picked me up to take me back to the house in Crystal Lake from #CaryGrove. As she demanded me to drive after getting out of the parking lot my biological mother told me of losing the case ‘but it doesn’t matter since it’s your fault for wearing a bathing suit to go swimming at summer camp’.
While some over the years who have known me had doubted whether or not my biological family was cruel to me, I doubt few can honestly say as such at this point in combination of knowledge of various other aspects of my life and their involvement. However, my point in this journal blog entry is not in reference to their treatment of me. My intention of this particular journal blog has to do with the sexual assault of what occurred to me and what happened thereafter.
If hypothetically writing Rachael had been proven to have lied about being assaulted and wanted attention instead of being truthful and had targeted Brian because of a crush she had on him, then I believe such is wrong and should not be. I have never understood why or how any person would lie about being assaulted by anyone for any excuse as the reality of causing more problems unnecessarily for those who have actually gone through such, is already difficult enough. Those who might have been guilty of prior offenses before could potentially get and do better, while the acknowledgement of the continuation of the pattern of behavior is apparent as well. However the reality is the events did occur to me and while I am unsure of which way such went in reference to Brian, if Rachael had continued to target Brian because of what he did to me and did not do to her; I believe Rachael should be charged with whatever legal misconducts she could be charged with. Despite the reality of what occurred to me, I know for a fact Brian would not be the only male or female accused of assault when such did not occur; only because of a jealous streak of whatever insecurities of someone similar to Rachael in my opinion.
If Rachael had stalked and harassed me because she knew what occurred to me was reality and she was upset I was molested, then I am unsure of what legal penalties there are for such though I hope especially if she caused problems for my Medal of Honor Art Project; the legal penalties against her and all similar to her, would be made evident and clear. I did write of such ideas and thoughts of mine in reference to females who lie about assaults and the realities of which they choose to do so knowing of the consequences, against the males whom they made false claims against. Not denying there are females who have assaulted males wrongly, but so too of undue claims should be looked into with similar prosecutorial views of such and penalties along with. Those who are falsely accused have their lives rearranged needlessly and have to deal with the repercussions wrongly; and those who are genuinely victimized by such crimes are left to defend themselves more-so than already having to in reference to dealing with the after effects of the assault(s).
What I wrote about in reference to abortion in such measures, I still stand by. If a female wants to get an abortion because of being young, I support one and one only for a broken condom/forgotten pill or shot/being youthful in thought/etcetera; I do not blame the males or the females in reference to such type of situations once. However I do not support abortion being used as a form of birth control when there are many preventative measures to assist with preventing an unwanted pregnancy and those who would claim to get an abortion in reference to a sexual assault I believe, should be forced to testify against such and if they lie I believe, they could be tried with murder as well as the defamation of character to the male they claim to have done so. I do support abortion in reference to rape, if a female in her own right comprehends herself enough to know whether or not she could love the child and/or whether or not she could give a healthy start for the child and/or whether or not she can keep the child to genuinely do the best for the child’s best interests and/or whether the female has to give the child up for adoption to give the child a better hope for their future as well as take care of herself to hopefully do better; if she choses abortion instead of the prior mentionings, I understand such but also believe in the need for testifying and the abortion aspects being used as evidence in the DNA. I comprehend a live birth does give such abilities for the same conclusion as well obviously, however if a female knows herself to be incapable to care for the unborn child in her uterus after being raped; I understand the need for such. I still do not believe abortion should be used as a form of birth control, but I do understand the need for those who would have complications in thoughts and emotions if forced to carry a child if the female is not strong enough for whatever reason. Not to cause a lessening nor a denouncement in that statement of any female who has gone through such, but in a realistic point of acceptance. I hope that is understood.
In another reference which has nothing to do specifically with Brian but a sexual assault case I was told about of another when online, I told the person who contacted me about such she had the right to post what she so chose but it did not mean I supported her choice. If who she was referencing had not done such a crime, then that person should not have to suffer the consequences of such. Though I also warned of the thoughts to consider of what if the person she was writing about had been working to do and be better outside of what the male had been claimed to do while thinking to myself wondering if because of the common name f that would be considered to be a verifiable way for such; the female made the choice she had. I do not recall holding that individual male to any different of a standard, but then again that was many years ago and though I cannot remember who the female was referencing, it was her choice of what information she posted. I did tell her I hoped she knew what she was doing, and I did not receive a message in return.
However if Rachael did not have the capability to understand Brian had not hypothetically sexually assaulted her as I do not know what she said in the courtroom happened to her, but I know because our trials against Brian were held at the same time and there was not a difference in the proceedings which labeled the individual cases against him as hers for hers and mine for mine; if I was denied justice because of her jealousies and then she decided to take that out on myself and/or Brian, I fully support prosecution against her for what she might have done to him despite what he did to me back then, as well as for the individual people of the various cities and states involved with my Medal of Honor Art Project.
Probably not the most normal of thought processes as I technically should probably be more emotional in certain references of, but I believe in the fairness. I think such could be considered as fair and just, in my opinion.