Before you begin to read through this journal blog entry I must state a few hopes of which I have held onto since my childhood, as well as through to this moment including hope for immunity for myself and my son James M. Nichols and my daughter Lidia L. Nichols for the occurrences of what happened to us:
I have hoped I would never be able to have done anything wrong which could ever lead to my arrest as I have never wanted to get into such trouble, I would ever need to go through such. I have done all that I could despite the easier route in some regards to go through such, but I have never and I have hoped to never ever be arrested for anything.
I hoped I never would or could break any laws which would warrant such, and I hoped I would never face such circumstances which would ever allow such to occur to me. I have been informed many times over of my imperfections throughout my childhood through to my adulthood, and though I acknowledge I am perfectly imperfect; I know I am not the only one.
My hopes have included needlessly being put on lockdown as I cannot see the difference between the different types of since both deny the ability to be free, and I cannot imagine such a life without being able to be free when having done nothing purposefully to cause any type of harm or to ever be considered more than I already have from my conception and survival as wrong.
Though at the same time of such hopes I did also hope if ever were to be where I wrongly had been, the quicker the freedom for me the better.
Apparently according to the quick search I just did, #socialmedia has been around officially since the 1960s and 1970s for the governmental aspects and businesses for The #UnitedStatesofAmerica and the #world until 1997, it became extremely #mainstream for most anyone else; except me. Whereas I grew up in New Jersey in the 1980s to 1990s with two different computers in the house one being for work which I was not allowed to go near or touch because my biological mother, worked for the #InformationTechnology area of #Prudential in #Holmdel #NewJersey. The other computer which I was allowed to use was an #IBM #DOS computer despite at #AsherHolmesElementarySchool, learning #Apple and #MAC computer systems. When in 8th Grade at #MarlboroMiddleSchool there was a class about the usage of #typewriters and whereas I was completely unaware of the social media aspects existing before my #PsalmSunday 2000 head injury, it was not until after I was pregnant with my son of learning about certain forums though not social media and the existence of. My ex-sister-in-law had told me about it first, but then after speaking with my now dead-ex-husband, was convinced to ‘give it a try’.
If correct the first time I learned of what is called a #forum was around May or June of 2001 which my now dead-ex-husband had said ‘would be a good way, for me to meet people’. Honestly, I do not know of anyone I met through social media at the time of learning about the aspects of who told me they knew me from any #online media #platform. The math to pay attention to is though I had never been on any social media platform before 2001, I was briefly on one site for less than a couple weeks or maybe one month before I was not online for a bit of time. Though I was alive when social media took off and became a big thing for most other people, I did not get onto such social media platforms for a minimum of 4 years. Then again technically when I got onto social media in 2001, I had not hit the year mark of being awake from the Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and coma. One could joke I was 10 months old when I created my first online social media account, though was pregnant at the same time.
Recently when I had returned to the state of #Texas in 2019 was when I had been told of an #algorithm issue in the early to middle part of 2001 of which I am unsure, of what the #enigma was. However from what I can remember in 1997 I was being prepared to move from New Jersey to #Illinois, and the aspects of being on various forms of technology then was not of importance to me. By the time of getting to #CrystalLake Illinois whereas the majority of the people I grew up with in New Jersey had a minimum of one #videogame console in their house, I only had access to a video game system when I went to one of my babysitters and the rest of my time; I spent playing outdoors with people, instead of playing games on a computer or on a video game. I found far more value to my life to be in person with others as well as outside in #nature, instead of staying behind closed doors because of my personality being far more people oriented than technology oriented.
Thus by the time social media became popular in the 1997 year, I had no knowledge of the existence thereof; as I had not even had my first email account yet. It was not until 1998 I had created my first email address because of a female named Jackie at #SaintJohnVianneyHighSchool who had showed me what email was, who was friends with a male name Nick Palazzolo (?spelling?). There had been issues with Nick Palozolo as he decided to involve himself in a fight between 4 other female and I who decided to start a fight with me on the school bus, because Toniann Farinella had been told by some female friend of hers I had supposedly flirted with her boyfriend at the time. That did not occur as those who knew me back in New Jersey would have been able to say how little I discussed anything of that sort, and as people in Illinois learned quickly after being moved there. However, there were only a small select few people who when I was in Illinois fully understood how minimal my understanding was of such at the time. Though the 4 females and then Nick Palazzolo had started the fight, I finished the fight on the bus.
What I remember from the time around 1997 to 1998 was a female named Toniann Farinella whined and complained about her boyfriend (whatever his name was) being seen giving me a hug and because I am and was the way I was and am. Those who know me know, I do not give half-a**ed hugs. If I am willing to touch you in reference of a hug, I am all involved with such; if I am willing to go further than a hug, there in are far different aspects of my personal connection with as I am personally not one and never have been one who is freely able to give such types of attention in that manner. It had been made fun of in regards to how prudish I have been, despite falsities of which people claimed of me being slutty. Though I have dated quite a few people, the actual number of people I have had sex with are far fewer.
Thus while her friend Jennifer could have seen me give Toniann’s boyfriend a hug, it was nothing more than a hug at the time. On the bus ride toward the house which I had grown up in on Church Road, Toniann began the fight at the triangle corner. She complained while shoving me and after the third shove which each time she was “warned not to push me further” upon the third push, I metaphorically saw red. Before the school bus stopped at the house where I grew up, no one was near me as I walked off of the bus to walk through the driveway to the stairs of the front porch. Seeing my biological mother’s car in the driveway and feeling a cold breeze on my neck, I felt the area of the brand new shirt I had just bought for myself with money I earned; and felt it was ripped. I did what I could to cover up the tear to run towards the stairs in the house, to change my clothes.
Instead my biological mother screamed my name from the bottom of the stairs near the dining room, and I turned around. She gasped and cried out about the blood all over my hands and my cream/white colored ribbed turtleneck shirt and when I looked at the stains every-where I said calmly, “It’s not my blood, so don’t worry about it.”
That apparently did not come across very well and I was yelled at to go to the kitchen where I dealt with my biological mother yelling and complaining, while beating me with wooden spoons until each broke and the supply she had ran out. Then I was told to sit in the chair at the kitchen table waiting for my biological father to get back to the house as she said, “You just wait, until your father gets home.”
Sitting there until he arrived in the blood of those who attacked me which honestly at the time, I thought I had only gotten into a fight with Toniann. My biological father walked in the back-patio door and after my biological mother cried and complained about the fight I had stated I was in, then I was asked by my biological father “What happened? Did you win?”
I told him what occurred, then he looked at my fists and my shirt in the front. He said, “It looks, like you won.” I said, “I didn’t have any problems getting off of the bus, and no one bothered me by the time the bus driver pulled up to the driveway.”
I was grounded for getting into a fight, not that such truly mattered at the time as my biological parents only took my biological sister out and to places to do things and hang out with her friends. I by that point in time, was usually left alone in the house for hours on end. Then again shortly before that time I had been left at the house by myself for hours and hours when I had Mono, Epstein-Bar, Bronchitis, Lyme’s Disease, and the Flu all at the same time for several months. Seldomly at that time when I was sick with all of that in 5th grade, hardly ever had anyone been at the house to take care of me. There had been a few times some people who were handing out pamphlets of #spiritual and #religious stuff who came to the house, and I sat with them for several times over long hours talking with them. By the time the two females arrived, I had already read the entire Bible two or three times; as well as my biological father’s college textbooks.
Those females at one point in time had asked if it would be okay if the next time they arrived, if they brought a male with them. I did not have any qualms about such and when they showed up with a large white van, a male came inside with a large black attaché case full of different vials of oils. He asked me several questions about religion and spirituality before showing me several books I had already seen a different time when I was younger, with similar drawings on the cover. He and I talked for awhile before he had poured some of the oil on my head, and later a few younger males walked through the front door to speak with me. The only male I can remember was around my height, darker color hair, with dark rimmed eyeglasses. When the other males had gone out to the backyard, they did not have any problems running and playing around; however that one saw my dog A (a half #Collie and ½ #Husky) and became scared. I took his hand, and walked him closer to where A’s house was. I introduced him to my dog A. I think his name was David, though I am not absolutely certain of such. The two of us talked for awhile while walking as A followed with, and David was no longer scared of my dog. The group left shortly thereafter, and I did not see them that I know of again after that. Admittedly some of the pamphlets at the #JehovahsWitness Church on Holly in #Tacoma looked exactly like what I had reviewed with the adult male, with the black attaché case and the oils. However in 5th grade was not the first time they had shown up to the house in New Jersey, but it was one of the last times I had seen them there.
Back to the bus ride and the aftermath of such as when I arrived at Saint John Vianney High School on the following Monday, in Homeroom class one of the females in the Homeroom named Magick asked me what happened on the bus. Shortly before I could respond but as she told me what she had heard, many other people came around to inquire of the same event. In the end though before being called over the announcement system to go to the Dean’s Office, I started explaining I did not know what they had been referring to. I had only remembered getting into a fight with Toniann whereas everyone in Homeroom talked about how they heard I had gotten into a fight with the entire school bus at most and in the least, over half of the people on the school bus. When the call came over the announcement system for the need to go to the Dean’s office; I went as I had been called, and the classmates all said “Oooo.”
When I walked through the door passed the receptionist officer area to the Dean’s officer, there was Toniann, Michelle, Teresa, some other female, and Nick Palazzolo along with at least one parent per teenager in the Dean’s office. I asked, “Where is my support?” and the Dean told me “You don’t need support, after what you did.” I left and ran to the phones in the hallway to call the house and thankfully, my biological father answered the phone. He showed up to the school after I told him what happened and shortly before I arrived back in the Dean’s office, there was a knock on the door. The Dean stood up and demanded he leave as the Dean said, “You don’t need to be here” and my biological father stepped to the side revealing the Principal of Saint John Vianney High School who asked, “Why, not?” Due to the commotion of the Dean choosing not to inform my biological parents of the incident requiring the adults to show up for a meeting as the fight on the school bus happened on a Friday, the Principal sat in on the discussion.
There all of the parents yelled at my biological father and I said, “Look at what she did, to my daughter” while pointing at the various injuries and then the mother of Nick the only male in the group saying “Look what your daughter, did to my son” which my biological father stayed quiet, keeping his arms crossed the entire time. I looked back and forth at the situation wondering to myself, “Look what I did to your children? What about why did all of your children, surround me when it was between Toniann, and I? Why did anyone else get involved?”
When the rest of the people finished, then I was asked my side of the story. I explained and then my biological father asked, “How much do your children weigh?” of which each of the parents were offended when he said, “My daughter weighs less than 100 pounds after she gets out of the shower and none of your children weigh less than 150 pounds”; which instantly angered the group of them. Then he said, “If you want to sue me for all of your children’s medical bills after all 5 of them jumped my daughter on the school bus and she defended herself, what do you think the judge is going to say?”
In the end everyone else had a month of Saturday Detentions as well as two weeks of in-school suspensions; whereas I had a few Saturday Detentions because I had been involved with a fight to defend myself. I still do not know why I got in trouble for defending myself against 5 people and it should have never been where I got in trouble for such ever, but that was back in 1997 or 1998. Shortly after all of that had been when I had gone to Jackie’s parent’s house in #Marlboro New Jersey which is near #Morganville but in the same name #Township, to spend time together. There had been the first time I made an email address; though shortly afterwards had been when I was moved to Illinois, and Nick Palozolo said he was going to make a website about me. Of course, I had no idea, what he was talking about at that time. Irony in my own time and in my own way, I made my own website about myself and what I have done on my own.
After all of the additional drama when living in Crystal Lake Illinois instead of #Chicago, I was finally able to join The United States of America’s #ArmedForces in the #Army branch; despite having attempted to get into #MarineandScienceTechnologySchool with the #NavalAcademy attached in 1996. Once I graduated a semester early instead of a year early, I started hounding my biological parents to emancipate me so I could join the military. “The annoyances” as they claimed began in December of 1999 before the last few days of class, which I continued until they finally signed the paperwork in the beginning of March 2000. I left for #BasicTraining shortly thereafter and had the head injury on Psalm Sunday in 2000, which I was in a coma with a subarachnoid hemorrhage. I woke up at #FortSamHouston in #SanAntonio #Texas at some point, to then be put into the Medical Hold Unit which is now called the #WarriorTransitionUnit or #WTU of what is now #JBSA or #JointBaseSanAntonio. Thus up until leaving the state of Illinois, I had not used any form of social media platform and had not heard of nor been told about anything like it with the exception of being shown email.
There were several issues after being in the Medical Hold Unit beyond just my lack of memory of many aspects which included needing to be re-taught the color spectrum as well as learn the different rules of the #UniversalCodeofMilitaryJustice or #UCMJ, which I knew before entering the Army branch of The United States of America’s Armed Forces as I had been trying to figure a way to get myself into one of the branches since 1993 after the attack in that year in the #WorldTradeCenter or #WTC. After I had gotten out of the Medical Hold Unit and was put on #TemproraryRetirementDutyLeave or #TDRL, I had learned of being pregnant with my son and the ‘proposal’ from my now dead-ex-husband. After having moved out from #LicolnGreen Apartments to #SongbirdApartments a few months passed by, and I was told to ‘stop being annoying’ to get online. It took me awhile to get used to things and though my now dead-ex-husband tried to tell me to lie to people on the internet through which I created what I found out later is called a fake account, and I failed miserably which in turn I refused to do such any further afterward at all.
Less than a few weeks later had been the birth of my son, and less than 10 days later the events of 11 September 2001 occurred. I had just gotten my son to sleep when my now dead-ex-husband returned to the apartment from #SanAntonioCollege or #SAC, and I asked why he was back.
He said “there’s been an attack” and without my hands touching anything, the television turned on.
I remembered I stared at the television to see the towers just when the second plane flew into the second tower and all I could think which later I realized I said out loud was several different things I hoped would be taken care of quickly, seeing the mirrored images of when I was younger watching the after effects from the 1993 attack on the World Trade Center. I said out loud “I hope the rest of the planes are grounded and if there was no way for those planes to land safely, I hope whoever could was able to contact their loved ones to let them know and whoever could; was able to land wherever they could with the least amount of damages.”
Then I felt a surge before I felt my back twitch, and what felt like my wings shot outward. Despite dealing with a conversation when that occurred, afterwards I cleaned myself up to rush over to the apartment complex office. I knew I needed to wait and speak with the Tech Sergeant of an area in #LacklandAirForceBase. I ran through a few things with him, as well as a few other employees of different areas; one of which had been a maintenance male as well as another working for the #USPS or the #UnitedStatesPostOffice. Though there were several aspects which I had given pointers to try to help the different areas of those males’ positions in reference to what they personally were dealing with and going to deal with, I had only done so to help. I know for quite some time the Tech Sergeant made a point to come speak with me each day for a few months, to ask me several questions of suggestions I had for keeping Lackland Air Force Base and Fort Sam Houston safer; though at the time I did not think much of it, not in a mean way. In a manner which it just seemed though the right thing to do since I could remember certain safety aspects which had been altered in the east coast area and though I will not write of each of those points further, I have noticed many of the suggestions I made have been implemented over the years. I did notice though people complained about various check points which if they knew what was discussed and talked about with the Tech Sergeant when he would ask me “Hypothetically if … was a situation, what would your suggestion be?”
I have noticed, the safety for the masses have been much better in an overall way and though it may be difficult in certain circumstances; the overall is much better and the safety has been increased in a way to keep many safer. I will say one of the points which had upset me when I heard on the news when taking care of my son as an infant had been when a female said they were receiving complaints from viewers about the amount of footage shown from the attacks on 11 September 2001 because people were upset about the reality of, which annoyed me. I thought to myself “Why would anyone have the audacity to complain to the news, when they have to look through everything before the public sees it? That seems arrogant, to complain to them about what they have to report to let people know what is going on.” When I talked to my now dead-ex-husband about that it was explained to me of my lack of understanding and though I stood my ground stating points of the facts cannot be forgotten because if the facts are forgotten history repeats itself; I dealt with the consequences of my stance in that conversation, for several weeks as there had been multiple times I had talked about that.
Several times I had to hide myself fully inside of a closet to the point which I figuratively and literally had to escape what was occurring and when who is my now dead-ex-husband, there were times when even though I saw him and he brushed his hand through the clothing of the closet; I watched as his hand went through and never once was able to grab me. There were times the conversations were what they were, when I had to do such and the entire shelving of clothes were removed from the rack; I was able to remain unseen by him. Though those times had been during extreme circumstances later I would find out when listening to the news, around the times when such occurred what I thought I had dually seen when dealing with the situations of, there were circumstances which had manifested in reality; however such had occurred in different ways prior in my childhood, which I thought were dreams at the time. Later, I learned otherwise in reference to certain specifics which occurred at those various times.
In reference to both online email aspects as well as social media platforms, I had not known about hacking either. Such abilities of others were not made aware to me until November and December of 2018 when I had gone to #CID or #CriminalInvestigastionDivision, the #TacomaPolice, and each individually told me to either contact #the #Pentagon and the #FBI. In turn such means I did not know my biological mother who used my now dead-ex-hsuband’s #gateway computer and had repeatedly told me she could be the only person who did the updates for when I had my laptop(s); all of which the ones I purchased were later taken to #GeekSquad at #BestBuy to fix because of the problems with the different ones. Also not ever having thought to go on anyone else’s computer without their permission, I never thought about people going onto my computer without my permission. Since my bio0logical mother had been the one who told me to put tape over the computer camera and my ex-boyfriend who I was forced to be in a relationship with ‘Cactus Jack’ AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr had one of the voice changer things, I also did not know about the possibility of (which honestly there is a wonder as I do not know if it is possible) to change the physical features when doing stuff online in reference to physical appearance in that I have seen are “filters” (I think is what they are called.
With the comprehension of now knowing the fact I went to the #NSA or #NationalSurveillanceAgency as well as to the #FBI or the #FederalBureauofInvestigation as well as having contacted the #Pentagon among many other branches of the legal departments of The United States of America such as the #Congress and the #Senate; I doubt at this point there are any aspects which they would not (and not to come across as a conspiracy aspect but to state reality) in reference of, being watched and monitored when I am posting and/or writing something in comparison to others when the writing and/or posting. I guesstimate as such because of my #MedalofHonorArtProject and the aspects of which #justice is needed for my son, my daughter, myself, my #MedalofHonor #Art Project, the recipients of the Medal of Honor, and each of those throughout the various states and areas of the world of which had been affected because of what occurred during the trips for my Medal of Honor Art Project. Also having literally walked into the #SanAntonio #FBI building to hand deliver books and documents, would be another logical aspect thereof in the thoughts; and while not forgetting the points of my #SCUBADiving when going to the USS/USNS #Vandenberg; there is little doubt in my thoughts of which I could be watched and monitored now.
I guesstimate partially to see whether my patterns of behavior have been consistent or whether there are those who have followed/harassed/stalked me either in reference to my Medal of Honor Art Project and/or prior to my beginning of such. Since I can only tell the truth and since I can only do what is in the best overall interest, I have nothing to hide and though in certain situations for safety aspects I had been exactly where I was in the closet though had also been able to energetically go to where I was needed at the time for safety purposes for others during emergencies; I guesstimate it is known the differences between such of those who would have done that hacking/stalking stuff in comparison to my own words and actions. For example since I do not write threats and do not make threats in front of others face to face but I just do what is necessary to protect myself and/or others, I would guesstimate if there were threats made because of the hacking/stalking aspects my patterns of behavior since whenever the full monitoring began would prove which was done and by who. Since I do not threaten and the aspects stated if there were others who chose to do so, I guesstimate those people would be the ones who would be facing the crimes associated with as I would guesstimate their patterns of behaviors have shown through as well. If such was done on the social media sites in this reference especially, I guesstimate it is known of the reality which I would not be a part of such through my own actions.
Though my now dead-ex-husband had been involved with various social media aspects before meeting me as well as apparently the social media thing having been going on since 1997 and my lack of involvement with such in a continuous way until getting onto #Facebook and #Fetlife around the same time, which that was not until 2008 or 2009 towards when I first started looking into SCUBA Diving as before then I had mainly used email correspondences if not handwritten letters. Not having known about the hacking/stalking things occurring nor the abilities of to do such while also learning of identity theft beginning in January 2008 and not finding out until 2013, I guesstimate such occurrences may have occurred beforehand without my knowledge as well. I do realize in such a journal blog entry I am fully showing my lack of understanding and ignorance to such capabilities throughout such measures, though in my defense since I cannot tell a lie at all and when I hope it is for truthful justice which is needed as I feel. When writing such it is not just feelings of that which most refer to as emotional feelings, but in the references of energetically picking up what is an overall consensus and figuring out the ideal from all combined of which is for the best. Though I know there are aspects of which others use technology to be menacing, that in this era must be old hat for those who are genuinely doing everything possible to make this world and universe a better place for all.
Though I doubt I would be the first person to figure such out and probably many others well before me have I suppose as I have been told many times before, I “have a childlike view of the world.”
As I cannot tell a lie, why would I have ever thought anyone else would? I have watched lies destroy others and with such a view of the ways of the world, why would I want anything to happen without just cause? Despite what I have endured and survived through and seeing the torment others have faced, why would I want such to occur without that being due? When I told my son James and my daughter Lidia well before putting into writing of “if [they] needed calm and there was a breeze, feel my whisper in [their] ears whispering how much I love them and want the best for [them] as well as my wings behind you pushing you forward in a better direction”; I meant such. When I said to my son James and my daughter Lidia “if you need to remember my love for you think of the warmth of the sunlight, and you will feel the warmth of my heart and how much I care for and want the best for you”; I meant such.
When I told my son James and my daughter Lidia well before ever putting in writing “if you need to see how much I love you look to the skies above and the world below, and you will know I am there with you in your heart”; I meant such. When I said to my son James and my daughter Lidia “do not fear the rain for those are my tears washing you clean” and “when you see the ground beneath your feet, see the way I have worked so much to pave a better path”; I meant each and every word I said, well before putting them in writing.
At this point in time where I have come to realize hypothetically I rewrote various spiritual texts in the modern era of time for understanding in a more known way as well as have lived through and experienced in a more modern way of various aspects of the #holyscriptures in the modern times of such experiences in combination of various other aspects of #prophetic means including the #BDSM (#Bondage #Sadomasochism) #Community overall, the #LGBTQP (#Lesbian #Gay #Bisexual #Transgender #Queer #Pansexual/#Plus) Community overall, the #Pagan Community overall, the #Swinger Community overall (which irony of swings) after being injured on Psalm Sunday in 2000 during Basic Training in the #Army branch of The #UnitedStatesofAmerica’s #ArmedForces as well as beginning #SCUBADiving in 2009 and the depth levels which I went down to descend before ascending safely all before and during the latter portions of my life in addition, of my Medal of Honor Art Project and the varying degrees of including the tattoos and purposes thereof with the temporal lobe issues; if someone had made a joke of “Hey, I found God” well, I guess there is some truth to every joke as I said before. Who else in this modern era would be so open without any shame, while accepting of so much more and seeing the varying beauty within each?
I guesstimate those of the #Scientology aspects, might have seen around the same time as those of the #Hebrews/#JewishNationofIsreal. Especially in regards to #Isreal as there was an Isreali Medical Journal which I found online which had found various aspects of which SCUBA Diving assists headaches and migraines, and I had emailed them asking of their findings for people in a similar situation as mine; not realizing then I might have been the only one who had a head injury on Psalm Sunday in 2000 the way I had when I explained as such. Those of this era and those who have grown up with such which I had not I guesstimate those who have had the ability to see the prophetic aspects of which the modern era with science and technology in combination finding the one most purely innocent, has proven I am me. I guesstimate many others have known well before, I ever had of such.
Irony I was born in the Chinese Zodiac Year od the Dog, and what id the word of dog spelled backwards in the way of the Hebrews? So, here I am. Hello. I have been around for a handful of years, at this point.
You can purchase my books through Amazon at: