Updated: Aug 19, 2020
Though writing of such I understand and comprehend the aspects of which though having to do with childhood, I am a biologically grown adult. I am only writing of such because of some oddities, and coinky dinks.
Many years ago when I was growing up in the state of #NewJersey, my biological parents had kept away a few things of mine from me. One in particular had been something they had given back to the church, knowing it was one of my favorite toys; which I had dealt with a conversation as to why I was not allowed to have it and they had given it to the church. I had always liked teddy bears and bigger animals rather than as my biological sister had preferred dolls; much more. One teddy bear was handmade for me I called Pepper, which was croched by one of my biological father's foster parents Mrs. Hardwick; who had also been the female I had gotten my dog A from.
He was a half #Collie half #Husky who had been called A for short; as he had gone #AWOL a few times to the local Navy training facility, to go swimming in the swamp areas. The Naval base continued calling Mrs. Hardwick when A escaped telling her he had gone AWOL (absent without leave) and was on the base, though I guesstimate he had fun playing with the naval training soldiers. He became my dog when at her house when I was 2 years old and no longer wanted a #pizza crust, which I changed my mind and took out of his mouth; without him attacking me when I opened his mouth. I did give him the pizza crust back, though he was my dog afterwards. While my biological father called him A instead of AWOL; I called him Anubis.
However in reference to Pepper, my biological mother gave my black and white bear to #OldTenantPresbyterianChurch's nursery; which I was extremely upset by. However not nearly as upset as when I learned she took my big teddy bear and gave it to the church, only because she no longer wanted to see either one with me 'because [I] was happy'. Those two teddy bears were the ones I would fall asleep with as they were the ones which I felt most comfortable in the arms of. I had another teddy bear made of a material which I rubbed between my fingers and my biological parents joked was my ways of showing 'a victim of child abuse'; which in certain aspects, that I cannot deny of being at this point in my life. I just do not like the term victim, as I survived what I had endured.
In reference to Pepper, that particular one had been my pillow. That teddy bear's arms were not long enough to go all the way around me, though my arms went all the way around Pepper. The belly/chest region of Pepper was where I would rest my head when I fell asleep and sometimes, as he was soft and comfortable; however Pepper scared my biological sister because of the way Pepper looked, which was part of the reason why my biological parents 'got rid of Pepper' from my bed. The bigger teddy bear was fluffy, dark brown, and had a tongue that stuck out; which made me giggle each time I saw him.
Admittedly as a bit frisky at a youthful age, there were a few moments which I wished so much he was real; as that one along with Pepper I had felt the calmest with, despite everything I was going through as a child. Some who knew me before my head injury on #PsalmSunday in 2000 might remember me in an odd way of not necessarily sticking out much as a child but when looking back, distinctly standing out in the longer term. Possibly.
Though the one named 'victim of child abuse' had been ripped to shreds because of the reality of the fact I was not allowed to take it with me where I went, so I cut certain pieces to keep with me; for example when getting bloodwork when I was in fifth grade, because of being scared of the needle. Irony, in other areas in this point in my life with the amount of tattoos albeit; not in the same way in the slightest; but was able to calm me much better than other attempts. Though being backhanded at the bloodwork station because of the inability for the people there to hold me down for the bloodwork to be drawn despite later being diagnosed with Mono, Epstien-Bar, Lymes Disease, Bronchitis, and the Flu all at the same time; I realize in this moment with such illnesses and a temperature over 103 degrees, I probably should not have been so strong as to throw multiple phlebotomists and medical professionals across the room in 1992.
Anyway, after that incident and healing from those illnesses; I had gotten a new teddy bear of that material because of what occurred. Then was when I had also found out my biological parents gave away my big teddy bear as well as Pepper, though what annoyed them more was the fact the memories of such could not be taken from me. They wanted me to forget how much those teddy bears meant to me and wanted me to let them go, but I could not. Even after waking up from the coma from my head injury on Psalm Sunday in 2000 when they had moved from #Illinois to #Texas in their false claim to help me but realistically to run away from the reputation my biological sister made for herself with her choices of unethical promiscuity; each of them were upset anytime I asked about those teddy bears.
The ironic aspects of such are though some might choose to believe as they do, when I spoke once the events of 11 September 2001 had started and I felt my wings go out as they had; I looked at my son laying in the blankets, before my eyes changed and I continued with speaking out loud despite the trouble I had gotten into afterwards. Though in the long run of the time I guesstimate such words were far more assistive than the short term of what I dealt with, at the time because of my personal statements. Though I am unsure if I ever actually met who is known as #SenatorTedCruz but I call my Teddy Bear, the particular teddy bear I described from my childhood I envisioned when speaking at certain points of and as one feather from one wing had gone as it had.
Also envisioning Pepper there was a sensation in my chest, which to this day I still do not have the words to explain. I can write of the way my ribcage felt when those events were occurring at the time as the sensations were similar to the way my body had felt when I had tried the #MMJ alternative #Spice instead of sticking with the MMJ as I felt was better for myself; and as I have learned is much better for myself, than the other. Though instead of the sensations of feeling though my skin was being unzipped, it felt though my rib cage was being broken in different ways and rearranged without any anesthesia; while I just could not stop speaking, while dealing with the conversation as to what my now dead-ex-husband had disagreed with me about.
In reference to Pepper there is a bit of an irony as I had seen in a metaphorical sort of way a male around my age at the time, who was unable to contact whoever he was trying to get on the cellphone; and in such vision type of aspect while the events were occurring, all I could muster to do was whisper in his ear to still and look at the flower nearby and wait with him there, as I could only move the one petal with the one particular portion of my wing. The male I had seen in such dropped the phone, and sat in front of the flower while the others he knew at the time went on with their own stuff wherever he was. All I could do was push a portion of my wing, to move a single petal to keep the attention there for him to remain calm until the clearing could occur for the phone to ring to him. One of the points of which when I spoke on that fateful day had been "I hope if there is a possibility any other planes like those two are able to call their loved ones, and then do what is necessary to prevent that from occurring elsewhere."
Though I had also said "All of the planes need to be grounded immediately to prevent anything further like that" among other aspects, it would be quite odd to find out if hypothetically certain aspects of to be true.
I know there were repercussions of such a set of statements of which the causations which meant the survival of many though the effects of meant a new overall world order had to be established to ensure the repetitions of such, no longer occurred. The aspects which that new world order was needed at this point I think has been established and created for a betterment of humanity, to ensure the aspects of which are ensured for many generations to come in a positive and uplifted manner. In reference to those teddy bears while there were the ones which had been given to the church as well as the one which had been destroyed but replaced by another, that one that replaced the first was taken from me by a male named Thomas Marden AKA as I call him #TittyBabyTommy along with Christine AKA #SissyPrissyChrissy as their friendship and bond grew together. Unlike what they had thought because they were absolutely unable to get the original, they were incapable of ever getting the powers of which they had wanted and craved; because of their lack of morals, were a massively huge problem.
Referring to a prior writing of there is no honor among thieves, the reality of such I guesstimate would easily be shown among them. Whereas the aspects of those females are their children who had caused my son and my daughter harm from #McCoyElementary School, the idiocies which would continue I guesstimate were easily found in such. That having been written there are two YouTube videos I made, years ago. The first one had been in San Antonio Texas, shortly before having to go before the Family Court Judge in reference to my parental rights legally to my daughter; which I did not want to cry, though I did. I tried extremely hard to keep my emotions in check to get the information across as to what was occurring at the time, however shortly afterwards I was in the state of Arizona before Washington state; and the other video I made on YouTube had been an American Flag background with a curtain behind it which had trees in black and white.
I was wearing a corset and had printed pictures out of different individuals who I thought would be interesting to be interviewed and talk about different aspects with in regards of the various experiences. I was wearing a black corset with silver latch hooks, which I never could wear to go dancing in; because the way my body moves I guesstimate even in the video; the latch hooks moved. In that YouTube video I did cry a bit, though despite the amount of pain I was in when in Lakewood Washington; I was able to keep my tears back a bit more than in the first video. There are many reasons for that which I do not have the words beyond the fact emotional pain can be far worse, than physical pain.
Due to the fact I cannot remember a lot of different things in reference of keeping account of my accounts in the technology stuff, I do not know what to look up for the reference points. I comprehend at this point some people may have seen those two videos along with the videos of when I was in the Family Court trying to answer the questions from the stand of which admittedly there was only one point, of which I giggled to myself. When putting my hand on the #Bible and swearing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth before my testimony, I did giggle slightly to myself. I cannot tell a lie and thus swearing of such seemed like a funny joke to ask of me, as even before my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury I could not lie. Whereas I knew and have known those who could lie, I had not been able to; and the few attempts I tried the repercussions were so horrible for me, I learned quickly lying was not worth it.
In reference to honor in such I had seen on Twitter a statement made by the #USNavySEAL who killed Osama Bin Laden (thankfully along with the team which helped him) Rob O’Niell which I have a few points to make before referencing that particular statement he made on #Twitter; first of which if it were not for someone like him with that name, I would not be able to tolerate listening to the name of Rob or Robert or Bob or Bobby or anything of the like, because of what I endured. Thank you to his family for naming him that, and thank you to him and they for the service to The United States of America’s Armed Forces Naval branch and divisions he had been stationed with and in. As weird as that might come across, such has been quite helpful in its own way. However @mchooyah had written at https://twitter.com/mchooyah/status/1238092383239245827
I’m not worried. The Government will take care of us...
In reference to the statement made many years ago by then President Ronald Regan “The most terrifying words are I’m from the government and I am here to help you”; I have a few thoughts for such which perfectly tie into this particular journal blog entry. I believe President Ronald Regan had very much intentionally made such a statement in reference to the United States of America’s government to give a warning to both the civilian sector of the general public, but also to the law enforcement/military/fire department/emergency medical services for several reasons. First there are good, bad, and indifferent consequences to each choice of what actions are taken.
Each choice taken thus has a good, bad, and indifferent set of consequences from such; so on, and so forth. With such a warning I believe President Ronald Regan was warning the branches and divisions of the government for the #UnitedStatesofAmerica to be careful of which path you choose not just when at work and in the field, but also when in regards to the common areas where the civilian sector intermingles with the various agents throughout. Thus keeping the agents safe from those who might seek to cause them harm, but also to be mindful to make good choices for their fellow brothers and sisters in arms in whatever they do in both sectors. In reference to the civilian sector I believe President Ronald Regan was warning of the choices made of treatment towards such officials because of the founding principles in reference to how the country of The United States of America had been founded upon. As President Ronald Regan had witnessed and seen the various points of the many areas of life throughout the United States of America with his prior experiences, I believe he was able to see the various sides of the different areas.
Thus at the time he had made the statement to warn the general public of such, was to be aware of what words and actions were chosen to take. If the choices were of good intentions and with genuineness to help and assist, then such would have similar responses. However if the choice was to use the #ConstitutionalRights and #Amendments to cause problems and chaos, then the repercussions would be known and seen. If I am correct the time he had made the statement had been when the general public was slowly being introduced to more technological advances and the broader ability to utilize technology in a more personal manner and thus, he was giving the warning for both sides to be careful of what was done with such. In turn the bad choices made would eventually fully be recorded and the good choices as well, however if the indifference among the general public became so unruly and had caused the amount of problems which most would ignore and walk by without the slightest bit of consciousness or care or concern; I believe he had made the statement for the warning to prepare if such were to be.
For those who have the law enforcement/military/fire department/emergency medical services backgrounds; those individuals and their choices to assist would be known and seen, as well as the choices of. If honorable choices even in the more dire of circumstances the choices would be commended as best as possible, with more opportunities to assist in other areas and other ways which would not be available to others without such a background. If honorable choices were made by civilians despite what their professions are/would be the same would apply as well as assist in various aspects, which other civilians would not necessarily be able to go forward in either. However if the bad choices were continuously made and the historical aspects of proving so had continued is where I believe President Ronald Regan was giving such a statement to warn of those with criminal intents and criminal backgrounds, of what would happen.
To a criminal who has been caught the scariest and most terrifying words to hear as the government agencies arrive to assist the victim(s)/survivors is as the criminal(s) is/are arrested “I am from the government, and I am here to help you. Do not be afraid, that person/they cannot hurt you anymore”; because those criminal(s) are no longer capable of carrying out their devious plans for harm
To a government agent the words from another government agent “I am from the government and I am here to help you” could be considered as scary and/or terrifying if hearing in reference to the aspects of the individual(s) not having known of the victimization/survival of, though also could be considered as a saving grace; for they/the agent may not have known of what was occurring to them and thus, be a startling realization. Depending upon the training of the agent, depends of what the reaction could be and thus also keeping in mind the length of time; startling and/or scaring both, though not necessarily in a scary or terrifying way, but just in reference to waking up and knowing of in a metaphorical aspect of the reference point of waking up.
In some ways one could joke about the protective aspects I had been in regards of my teddy bears as a child, as they had been important to me. In the more current times of course I would like them but if they had turned out to be actual people when I grew up as I have had odd dreams admittedly in reference to who I nicknamed Teddy Bear in reference of Senator Ted Cruise and the bear Pepper could be considered as each child and spouse of someone who was involved with a person on 11 September 2001 in reference of “Never Forget” as well as the POW “You are not forgotten”; as it is not funny in the traditional or conventional way but in regards of if one of the people I had dated/been engaged to as well as people I had known over the years were spouses/related to/in the areas of in reference to 11 September 2001 all had a similar experience in the point of the flowers but because of a modeling picture I had done with that one’s black and white picture at my bedside on my nightstand, and the colors of.
Though also not forgetting those who were in the midst of training as well as their families and spouses, and while my biological mother yelled at me for not remembering people from the east coast during the initial days of that time; my biological family had no idea of what I had been doing, to prepare and keep people safe in the military town of #SanAntonio Texas knowing the higher ups would be informed of my words and ideas to try to assist both on the ground as well as in the air and throughout the oceanic waters. Then again, they despised the fact I had joined The United States of America’s #ArmedForces #Army branch to begin with and had made such opinions of theirs well known before that day
Irony of the colors I chose for my time in the #BDSM/#LGBTQP/#Swinger lifestyle and not knowing the colors which were chosen had been black and white, and Pepper was a black and white teddy bear I named. Metaphorically typing there are many pieces of salt and pepper, in a shaker; and in that particular modeling picture; I was wearing a sequins costume version of #Dorothy from the #WizardofOz; and the history behind that movie, from then.
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