I am going to give a write up in reference to the various portions in reference to the trip I took this past week with a culmination of the particular events which occurred, in conjunction with some portions of memories which had surfaced in regards of the prior times to my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury in comparison to the after effects from. For a specific notation to bring forward is in reference to the fact my biological parents and biological sister had returned to the area multiple times before I ever went on this trip, as per their words they 'were afraid of [my] memories returning to put a lot together'; which admittedly, I wonder as to why such would be such a problem for them. However since my childhood had been as it was, the aspects of what I survived might be of a bit of a concern in reference to the portions of my memories. Those who knew my biological family, might be able to put more together in reference to a culmination of points. However prior to writing of what occurred in reference to my trip this week, I will point out a few points which might be of interest.
My biological mother: Anna Louise Lally: maiden Hom
She was a deacon at #OldTennentPresbyterianChurch at the same time of working a #Prudential in #Holmdel #NewJersey, of which she chose not to go work with a group who left Prudential to work in one of the #WorldTradeCenter buildings which had later been discussed they began practicing drills for a just in case of an airplane attack and every individual who worked in that group on that floor had survived the 11 September 2001 attacks. She is the eldest of the 5 surviving children of her mother my maternal Grandmother Lillian Gavett though her first marriage last name was Lally and her maiden last name I am unaware of though I know it was changed upon her arrival to the United States of America as she immigrated through Canada from overseas to America to escape certain problems via the family blood lineage as she was the only survivor as she told me, and one of the employees of had found out about certain situations which were going to occur which is how she was able to be saved from; of which later she had two sets of children, through 2 different marriages. I was told my biological mother's first name had been in reference for me to remember later as my maternal Grandmother told me, "There will be a time when you have to step forward and against your gut feeling, you will need to step forward until such is paid attention to. Remember to keep your promises, always. ..."
Anna's older brother Danny or Daniel had died because of drowning in a lake, as none of the children knew how to swim; however she was at the lake with the group of children, when her brother had been the only one who had drowned as he went into the lake to get a toy she threw into the water during a temper tantrum and he knew he would get into trouble if she told on him for not getting her toy. Her younger brothers and sisters are from the second marriage which my Grandfather who I knew as I grew up in New Jersey had been a part of #WorldWarI on the #UnitedStatesofAmerica's side, and assisted in #WorldWarII on the same side giving advice to the military branches. He and I spent a lot of time together before his death, as I grew up. As a side note, I made promises to him and I have kept and do what I can to keep those promises. His last name was Gavett, though I do not know what his first or middle name was nor do I know what rank he was when he retired from whichever branch of the United States of America he retired from; though obviously, I paid attention to the stories he told me about and yes, he knew some guys some wish they had gotten to meet and spent quite a bit of time with certain groups that some individuals nowadays would know of. Similar to my paternal Great Grandparents he had noticed how I was being treated as a child and knew what those particular groups had saw was a need, in reference to the time to come later on. To write or say he knew some guys, is putting such mildly as there are some pictures I was shown since of all of the grandchildren my attention to such details was as it was and I have recognized some pictures of some of the guys he had some pictures of with. I guesstimate some might know who he was, what his rank was, and what he accomplished for the United States of America's #Army branch. One promise I will briefly elaborate I had made to him in this particular journal blog entry is I had promised him, I would do what I could to prevent what he watched occur with one of his daughters from going any further than such had already gone. If you refer to certain aspects, you know I have kept my promise to him in that particular reference as best as I could. I was informed of certain discussions he had with certain people in certain rooms about certain group formations from the timeframes between World War II through to the Desert Storm timeframe, as he randomly had different business trips he would go along the east coast for. He knew a few guys over the years and shortly before the last business trip he went on being what it was, had been shortly before when I was allowed to look through the pictures of him with certain people either wearing suits or uniforms only.
Of the second marriage which I do not know the order of the births of the children from had been Edith, Christina or Christine, Leonard, and Neil. Edith or nickname Eddie had been married once possibly lived in Missouri and had 2 daughters Kate or Catherine and then Allie or Allison before getting a divorce later to remarry in Illinois to a male named Mark in the Catholic church, which they had two males. The female named Christina or Christine had become an optometrist in #Missouri partially in a private practice and partially in a Missouri state prison after she had one daughter named Megan who went to college for art in #Canada, though Chris was one of those types of people who was proud to cause problems for the military during #Vietnam; of which admittedly I must state because of the bias I have against her, compared to the other maternal aunt and uncle. Chris for short and I did not get along well as I merely could tolerate being in the same area as her to a degree as a child and teenager into my adult years, of which there were certain similarities though a tad bit more tolerance at times for Chris' daughter Megan. The male Brian of which Chris is married to, I am uncertain if that is Megan's father or not especially since Chris had been proud to be a hippie during the 1960s and 1970s. I only met Megan once or twice as I remember meeting her at the graduation and I was told to spend time with her walking around the campus, which Megan had her attention to one of the guys from the houses area and when the two of them went to spend some alone time together to later return to where I had been left at the railroad tracks area when they were done; then Megan thought she was cool for making fun of me for not knowing what a dime bag was, or the price of. In my opinion, like mother like daughter. Megan went to college for art in Canada in the 1990s or 2000s, using works she did not make herself to get into the school. As a side note when at my maternal Grandmother's college graduation in New York state for a philosophy type of degree Chris had brought up how proud she had been to pour paint onto military individuals' uniforms as well as the protests she had been a part of, which I admit my bias against her had already been up there and that statement took my bias against her to another level in many ways. The last of the few times I saw that female Chris had been in 2012 when she had made a comment of what was occurring to my daughter being related to karma because of my joining the Army branch and whatever else I must have done while in, despite the fact I did not graduate Basic Training because of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury of which I admit to this day I am still proud of myself for remaining calm as Chris had made those remarks when in the kitchen and those who know what tools are all throughout a kitchen know how calm I remained at the time as I am writing this from my apartment and Chris had been allowed to be alive when I left that house in San Antonio. If those two had found out about my Medal of Honor Art Project due to the way Chris had been about military as well as the in my opinion lack of creativity Megan had as she complained about the swan painting I made for my maternal Grandmother as a gift when I was taking a painting class, I could see how easily both would step over the same type of proverbial line as Chris had when she was in high school and college against those who are/were in the United States of America's #ArmedForces.
Neil had gotten into heavy drug usage as I had been told and contracted a few diseases he could not get rid of as he already had a weakened immune system from his youth, and as he and Chris had been in the same coven in some points in time such did not assist nor help him. Leonard had gone into the #AirForce branch of the United States of America's Armed Forces and had been married at one point to the mother of his two daughters Elizabeth and Sarah with one son Esau, though during #DesertStorm upon his return from his deployment had gotten a divorce for understood reasons when he learned of what occurred when he was stationed overseas. Later he remarried a female named Sharon who had a son in college in the late 1990s, and one of his Air Force friends had made the wedding speech at the reception I had been introduced to that male's brother Thomas Seaman who lived in Cleveland Ohio. Leonard had gotten into skydiving and even after a few parachute mishaps, he continued to jump out of perfectly good airplanes.
My biological father: Michael Lee Hom
His parents died at different times as his mom died during childbirth, and his dad died in the middle to later 1990s; though he was raised in foster care and orphanages, throughout some of the areas I grew up walking around. In order for him to earn his way back into the family with my paternal Great Grandparents also known as Bok Gung and Bok Pu, he had to put four people through college and each had to graduate with a degree. He went through different schools for specialties of which he had been the only one along the east coast who was certified to work on Bulova watches which meant he also was able to work on #Rolex, #Movado, #Seiko, and etcetera though he also was able to certify gemstones in their respective classifications. I can make a joke in reference to my #SCUBADiving certifications and being the only one who is capable of doing a multitude of such though in reference to my stuff comparatively, I am the only one in the world. He had been in the #MerchantMarines, trained for #Olympic Skiing, had been a taxi and #EMS driver in #NewYorkCity, earned his #HVAC as well as tool and dye certifications, went to school to become an #RN though got his #LVN, and earned his third degree black belt as a teenager while being taught by a #KoreanTaeKwondo Master who was from Korea. Those who know there is a difference in being taught by someone from the area in the martial arts which it originated, compared to others.
In those times as well as previously there were reasons why those with specialties were valued more than those with a degree which the purposes of were multifaceted, partially because of the fact the specialties had hands on training in combination with the education, partially because in order to learn a specialty there had to already be the basic understanding beyond the knowledge for such in the way of the overall of a degree, as well as partially because of a multitude of other aspects. While there is importance to a degree the realities of the importance to specialties seems to have been lost for awhile wrongly for example those who earn a degree in the field of law know there are many who have a law degree, however the specialty is what is of importance to the law degree comparatively for the more in depth and more detailed work thereof at times. While both portions are of importance, there are certain special points of interest in which the specialties are required for detailed purposes. Thus when in reference to degrees such are important however the portions of the specialties despite the amount of money spent comparatively, does not always equate to a higher value. As some know sometimes when you are able to get a bargain that bargain is still worth the same amount of money overall comparatively, though because of getting the bargain to spend a little bit less still means it is the same product purchased at a higher price. In such example when purchasing a dress from a discount store compared to purchasing the dress from a high end retailer the dress is still the same and made by the same company, it is only the numbers which are different. In turn in reference to degrees in regards of specialties while degrees are important and delve into some portions which are in more detail in certain areas, the specialties delve into more in depth details which are usually overlooked by when getting a degree compared to the specialties thereof. In such an example whereas there are those who have earned mechanical degrees those portions of information are important, though the details are glossed over in the specific points comparatively to those who have specialties in the specific types of mechanical fields. Thus degrees are important, though specialties are called specialties because of the information within such specialties are exactly that. Special.
As a side notation it was wonderful to hear and read the news that the current President of the United States of America Donald Trump with his staff had made experience in conjunction to degrees and other forms of education to be elevated for the assistance for employment, as it once was. Those who work with their hands and have a more in depth knowledge and understanding for comprehension of the material tend to have a bit more to add at times for the betterment of, compared to those who only read a few pages of paperwork. As I explained to my biological sister among several others over the years who had felt her and their college degree was more important than the specialties taught to military individuals in conjunction with their experiences, this similarity cannot truthfully be denied correctly; and thankfully the current President of the United States of America has brought forward, such to light to be more well known.
His sister Linda worked in the #UnitedStatesPostOffice where she met her husband Phillip and they had their daughter Catherine, though because Linda had called in favors she did not earn which my biological father had earned; there was a dispute among the family and in the end, the debts owed were still needed to be repaid to my biological father and those individuals had to deal with Linda for what she owed them with interest because she had lied to those guys. Unlike some groups, there is no forgiveness when debts are owed and such unlike some aspects cannot be pushed on until later as when debts are called in such is exactly that. The debts, are called in. The family associations learned from what the Hebrews had gone through, and figured ways to ensure when a debt was called in to be paid such payment would occur. At minimum, that is what was explained to me.
My paternal Great Grandfather had a sister named Helen who had a child with a male which I cannot remember his name as I only met him a few times, though they had a daughter named Jade of which at their wedding after Jade was in Elementary School when the caterer did not arrive for the food for the 200-300 guests; I went down to the kitchen in the basement to cook up the dinner, as it was known by my biological father of what I could do. I was told later the wedding reception was in a three story building in Harlem as that was where my Great Aunt Helen's husband was from, and because there was enough food for people to have seconds and thirds my Great Grandparents made sure to introduce me to my Great Aunt Helen's new in-laws. They did not realize they had already met me multiple times, though the times we met were under different circumstances as usually I was hanging out and spending time with Jade and her friends if not when Mike had business in the area and I simply went to go outside to play because of it being better for me to be outside playing in comparison to being inside as was told to me. Jade's Grandmawmaw and Grandpawpaw went to a church which every now and then I would go with to, and Jade's Grandmawmaw had been in one of the choirs where the colors of the choir robes were a deep purple with a golden sash collar with white trim for some.
Though Mike had other business deals which he worked on in other areas, the majority of jobs were in the New York City boroughs and the areas of #Pittsburg and #Philadelphia #Pennsylvania in comparison to the other jobs in New Jersey. My Great Grandparents did quite a bit of my raising when I would visit the area, and they taught me a lot. My Great Grandfather had allowed me to read certain parchment paperwork when my biological parents took my biological sister out to do what she wanted, and because my biological mother insulted my Great Grandparents by choosing a different middle name then what she was supposed to have as they told my biological mother she was allowed to choose the first name only; my Great Grandparents similar to my adoptive Grandfather on the maternal side had taught me many different things than what was taught to my biological sister if anything at all. Both my maternal grandparents and my paternal Great Grandparents met each other and had gotten along very well, and had other work that they had come together in reference to. I admit on either side though when a debt was called in, I was informed the debts were known to be paid when called in. I was told those who waited to return what was owed for such sorts of and types of debts meant the increase of interest due per day, though I do not remember what the debts which were owed in full in detail just so happened to have been for those times. My Great Grandfather had some workings with my adopted maternal Grandfather and both told me to pay attention to certain details to approach certain people, if I noticed certain specifics they were holding when I went to church and only when in church areas. Otherwise I was to ignore anyone who would have been holding such types of items in the general public areas though pay attention, which I can make other jokes in reference to specific areas which I would consider as holy locations outside of a church building.
My biological sister: Patricia Ann Hom: maiden Miller
Whereas Patricia's middle name was supposed to be something else our biological mother's excuse to my Great Grandparents as to not giving her that middle name had been because of her date of birth, being the same as my Great Grandfather's birthday. Those who know about specifics in reference to overseas aspects, that was a major insult to my Great Grandparents, as well as the family in an overall sort of way. Additionally what my biological mother did not understand had been Patricia was born on my Great Grandmother's birthday, and not my Great Grandfather's birthday; adding insult on top of that to my Great Grandfather, as some would better know and understand. As I was told among others at those times, Patricia's birth had been planned in comparison to me and my birth. She also had been treated as such, though by my biological parents and most of my maternal family. Since the physical look of her had been more Asian in appearance my biological father's side of the family with the exception of my Great Grandparents and their partners recognized Patricia more easily as being Chinese, whereas I only had the middle name and in certain settings certain physical traits can appear with makeup enhancement to see such physical Chinese traits. Ironically that made my maternal Grandfather happy as he knew certain things we had discussed had come forward, as it made my paternal Great Grandparents happy as they knew such was of importance for me.
Whereas Patricia had the childhood many I had spent time with would dream of and wish for there is a bit of irony in reference to the purposes I chose to go enlisted into the military, to be able to check on and make sure everyone was as best as possible taken care of comparatively. Patricia had the dance school instruction that made the only way for her to dance was through choreography and learning through other's teachings, whereas those who understand there is a difference between dancing as taught and feeling the music itself to dance. She was taken to #Broadway shows, was able to go ice skating in #WollmanRink when completed from the repairs, go shopping in New York City on the boulevard, and etcetera in comparison to where I was allowed to purchase many aspects of clothing and necessities. When it came to moving from New Jersey to #Illinois there had been multiple reasons for such that were explained in reference to what was needed in regards of what my biological sister had done to her reputation in New Jersey, as well as the fact my biological parents thought I would not be near as many military influences in the middle of the United States of America. While the undoubted and undisputed portions in reference to the colonial heritage of the east coast in many locations is known as a quick point to chuckle about, how many people who live in the mid west have a military background who I could have met as a teenager? Oh wait, there were quite a few ironically.
Upon the move which my biological parents and biological sister had done from Illinois to Texas in 2003 because again my biological sister had tarnished her reputation, again she was given preferential treatment and taken care of with proverbial child gloves. Though I was blamed yet again for what she had chosen to do on her own as had occurred in New Jersey and in Illinois, there are certain coincidences in reference to the wrongful blaming me for what others' choices had been. Thus in reference to certain areas and groups I had been involved in from 2004 though more specifically from 2008 through 2013, being blamed for somethings I did not do though others had done by their choices was nothing new and nothing original to me. Similarly to my teenager years when I was not around and in a different location as my biological parents had blamed me for what Patricia had done though no longer could when I was not there I guesstimate certain similarities in reference to 2013 and onward when winding up in #Washington state as realistically I and my son did not need to be there though apparently in some ways was needed for such clarity.
Nonetheless before such time when my biological sister had married into the family she had married into, they were not informed of my existence and they were not told the ring bearer was my son and the flower girl was my daughter; though I was the other photographer at the wedding, wearing the lavender gown, and my hairstyle being similar to what it is now. In such times when some who went to college with my biological sister similarly to what occurred at #LacklandAirForceBase of #JBSA with my biological mother, both had denied further of my existence to many. While the proudness of my biological sister to others had been elevated in whatever ways preferred at the time, I was considered as usual for those points in time as an inconvenient truth which I hoped would change for the better as to not be inconvenient as the truth is important for many aspects especially as there are those who want to be able to venture out into space and interact with other species. However that is a whole other set of points which are not consequential at this time, since other aspects have not been followed in reference to protocol. Those who understand the aspects of which protocol is of importance when such is followed as required and such has been adhered to in reference to several aspects then and only then, will other portions be allowed when done so. Whereas my Grandfather had arranged certain aspects my biological sister was not privy to and not allowed to be informed of, there were reasons of which the knowledge of in comparison to what she studied in college have to do with.
However in regards of the portions in reference to my trip this past week to the east coast which had multiple purposes for, though my biological parents and biological sister had returned to the area many times without me as they said 'because [I] might remember the past and what happened...' I suppose, they were correct in different ways.
:18 December 2020: Admiral's Log:
I picked up the car to get packed to leave to drive across the country from the state of Texas to go to New Jersey first, leaving just before midnight on the east coast area. The drive was several hours in length though lovely to see the evening sky and watch the sunrise, despite the additional pain to my headaches and migraines. Such was inevitable though because of the length of the trip itself to have to drive into the sunrise just as such was inevitable to drive into the sunset when returning back to the state of Texas, later on. For the most part the drive was carefree with the exception of random thoughts which did come forward, as many portions of such were a bit to run through.
While making my way through Texas into #Arkansas some memories from time in Louisiana had certain memories began to flood my thoughts, which dealing with as I had were the ways needed to process. As I went through the areas, the portions of which recalling where I had certain discussions with some people during the time of a symposium had begun a bit. I remembered certain people I spoke with in more detail as well as some food I had enjoyed, when in the area of. There was a point of which I had remembered meeting a male along the sidewalk in downtown #NewOrleans who was walking a dog and I walked up to them, asking if the dog was a half collie and half husky. I remembered he was stunned as no one had guessed what the specific breeds were before, and the recollection of explaining to him where I had grown up back in the prior times as well as my dog when I was a child had gotten his attention. Though I dealt with certain aspects later on when returning to Texas afterwards in conversations as unlike what I was accused of, I was not flirting. I simply was excited to see a dog which looked almost identical to my childhood dog, and as those particular memories of such conversations went through my thoughts; I also recalled other memories from such times, throughout.
When in Arkansas I had remembered certain discussions from when my daughter had been at Pinnacle Point in Little Rock including a point which she had told me of a situation with one of her roommates showing her certain portions of the physical body, which I had discussed with her therapist doctor Angela Brown. I admit Doctor Angela Brown similar to Doctor Jackson in #MerrillCreek had been elated to have a mom who was involved with the process to ensure the betterment of my daughter while doing such as best as possible also for my son, which they both had explained was something in their profession they were not accustomed to oddly to me. I remembered how both doctors were surprised as to my involvement with each and every appointment I could go to, and how much work I had done to ensure the best for as best as I could. Upon my return to the state of Texas when driving through Arkansas, I had remembered a few other points which I will get to during that writing portion.
:19 December 2020: Admiral's Log:
Having needed to take a quick break from driving, I stopped for a brief nap along the way as I felt some changes in the atmosphere as I was going along. The portions of which whether having to do with the colder weather and/or altitude changes and/or energetic changes when going through various regions, had begun to take a toll on me and I needed a quick break. After the nap I continued onward and when I was in #Tennessee, the sunrise was lovely to watch as the change over the horizon meant the changes in the colors of. I spoke on the phone briefly with someone I knew from years before for awhile as I continued pushing myself forward to make it to New Jersey on time, for the ability to go to church services on Sunday. As more memories came through in various references to different points in time while at the same time of other memories, I continued going along my way.
Getting into Virginia was breathtaking, to put mildly. As some snow began to fall and the coldness took over a bit, I simply went along as best as I could. What I was able to see along the way while recalling different memories along with the differences between the landscapes, were quite momentous. The Christmas lights along the drive in the various areas lit up the trees differently as well as the sky, which made the drive all the more enjoyable as the memories continued to flow. I had seen a few buildings in different areas which reminded me of some pictures I had seen when I was a child from my Grandfather's photo collection, albeit from a distance comparatively. The flyovers of the different aircrafts in certain locations would have brought a big smile to his face to see the advancements, in a multitude of ways; especially in reference to when I was going over bridges with water, as well as certain mountain terrain. In different portions of my trip as well as a prior trip to the overall area while I do apologize for the surprise arrival, I had seen certain areas in pictures when I was growing up and the reminder of such being seen in person was of importance to me. The development of what certain buildings once were originally compared to what they are now, would have taken my Grandfather's breath away. Though the original entrance areas are different and modernized compared to what they once were and some in different locations, he knew of certain advancements which were necessary and hence the structural integrity which was a bit of a surprise to certain construction crews when remodeling at times. Those surprise empty rooms were known to go into use later on as he helped to develop the areas, knowing of some aspects to come. Those areas which were large enough to be rooms though only bricks and stonework, were known to be needed for the future development as some know at this point as to the keystone locations. My Great Grandparents knew to add certain odd pieces found which did not make sense when initially uncovered, though I am fairly certain they make sense a bit more now.
Those who have not believed in reference to those within the United States of America's government having religious and/or spiritual backgrounds and/or beliefs, would be surprised as to how extremely religious and spiritual the originals had been. Aside from the Founding Fathers and Founding Mother's involvement to put certain aspects into place for specific prophetic portions, the remodeling of certain locations for updating were portions of which my Great Grandparents and my Grandfather were a part of making sure would progress forward for better purposes. The vase on the first floor in the back area in the room which was not known about behind a wall that did not have a door that was chipped when finding and removing to place elsewhere was intended to have that chip, as that crack brought forward certain energetic portions which the Founding Fathers and Founding Mothers knew would; which I had been informed of as I was informed of, when the portions of discussions were as they were. When getting closer to #Maryland and #Delaware the memories which came forward in regards of certain other oddly placed relics, were remembered as well as the purposes thereof. General George Washington just before his Presidency for the United States of America had put in what now is known as the equivalent of a time capsule, for different purposes and thus reiterating the portions in reference to the religious and the spiritual. For only one reference which my Grandfather and my Great Grandparents did not discuss and did not show me pictures of though for those who believe in certain spiritual aspects aside from the lack of specific information to the above portion beyond one picture before being placed where it was found and nothing beyond just what the vase looked like originally before the time changing aspects to the colorations, I know there is a fabric which was found buried underneath the vase found which was of confusion as to why it was taped to the bottom of the vase inside of the indentation. That fabric had lined a cup which was buried in a different location overseas though was brought to the United States of America, for specific purposes probably dated back to the early to middle 1600s.
:20 December 2020: Admiral's Log:
The last leg of the drive was a bit arduous as the portions of which going through Pennsylvania and into New Jersey had other memories which came forward, aside from anything discussed in my Facebook videos as well as murmerings along my drive as would be known in reference to some of what I have typed up in the above portions up to this point. The aspects of which in regards of people I knew though cannot remember their names, were especially impactful as the events of 11 September 2000 had a 20-20 vision effect. Such was bittersweet to drive through certain areas to go past where I once had spent much time with a multitude of people over the time of my childhood and teenage years, both in the best and the worst of times combined. Knowing there were many who I had known who were directly impacted whether through the sight of seeing in person or on a screen, the smells of which the senses could not cover up because of what was in the air of which includes the taste which was in the mouth when inhaling, the senses of the feel of the touch which were altered because of the situations at hand, and the sounds which permeated through the areas because of the ability which water assists to make sound travel further in conjunction with the wetter soil and waters within the trees which would normally block most sounds though could not because of the extremeness; the energetic frequencies reverberated as I went through the areas as I had traveled along, though I am glad who were able to survive were able to survive despite the situations which unfolded.
I remembered certain apartments I had spent time in with some individuals, some buildings which I had gone to for different events and the people within, some playgrounds and parks which I had spent time with others, and so on and so forth. As a child and a teenager I was only able to pay attention to what I could notice and thus in the comparison of the time having to focus upon the safety when driving, that actually was more beneficial instead as being able to only focus briefly while paying attention to more was pertinent. I felt quite a bit and would have felt a lot more, which that in itself would have been both good and bad as because of picking up on various portions which needed to be observed through a different view point comparatively. I remembered a few places my Grandfather had driven me to while my biological parents and biological sister had gone where they had when visiting #NewYork state, as the drive continued.
Upon arriving at Old Tennent Presbyterian Church I went through the cemetery to different areas including Neff's Chapel which I remembered the choir classes both the singing as well as the chimes and the hand-bells, though also Harvest Home and other cooking functions. Though I did not go inside, simply seeing the exterior of the building was enough to recall multiple portions of the time I had been there. I remembered the area of which for my Sweet 16 and bon voyage party which I saw, where I had my first kiss in between the building of Neff Chapel and the garage; which that area lead to a portion during a mediation I had done where I had put my hand on one stone which I saw in the mediation a hammer, and a sword. I recognized the stone upon sight, though I did not linger to give such a location away. Though I had to share with my biological sister that time for the party event, there were many aspects which were not of her nor of her to enjoy nor know of until if the need was felt for her and/or others to know in brief albeit. There was when I walked up to General George Washington's private area as well as the monument which when I was a child had word engraved into the top portion of where I broke the ice away, though were gone when I was there this weekend. I am uncertain if the words were removed and the surface refinished or if when I had gone out there during the service on the Sunday after the 1993 World Trade Center attack, that ritual had such words go into my first two books in regards of meaning. I remember tracing the words engraved in that stone before laying upon that area and if the memories which have the ability to prove such truths on top of the fact I cannot tell a lie, then the portions of which those words were once there.
Though the building behind the church which was General George Washington's area is larger than I remember it being when I was a child as well, as the building was thinner and more rectangular in comparison to the wider aspects now and shorter than it was back when I was a child. The colors are the same, the placement of the window is the same, and the rooftop is the same; though the shape and size of the building, is greatly different. The wood is the same as well, which is a bit odd to me.
I then went to the back loop area and stayed where I had spent a lot of time with some of the spirits of that location, saw a few mausoleums I used to spend time on top of as a child and had gotten into a bit of trouble when some of the adults of the church had seen me sitting on top of the mausoleums and not knowing of how I had gotten up there; though they also did not see who I was speaking with as a child, which those spirits knew they could only be seen by me at the times of. I had seen some of the spirits when going around the areas as some were waiting for my return and the portions of which meditatively discussed, were what such discussions were.
Later when getting to the area of Old Scott's Hall where coffee hour had been when I was a child and teenager, I noticed how the majority of crabapple trees were gone. They once covered the entire side of the building where what once was the youth group center had been and Old Scott's Hall, and the playground had changed a bit as well. When the new pastor had arrived to go to his office which once had been a classroom and where the old pastor's office had once been was converted to a larger reception area, I had been able to go inside and speak with the new pastor as well as look around. Many additional memories came through and as some people started to arrive before church, the ability to speak with some who I once knew when I was a child and a teenager brought up quite a few additional points to pay attention to. The area when speaking with one of my babysitters from the church which once was more enclosed with the library section there had been opened up, and the bigger green chair with brass colored buttons which the individual who read the newspapers and magazines who had certain folders I would look through from time to time was not there. I know he knew my Grandfather fairly well from one discussion all of those years ago, and later learned he knew my Great Grandfather as well.
The church service I attended was quite memory filled as well, as I was able to look directly at the pew I once sat in as a child and recall a multitude of events from the time of as the service went as it had. Some of the interior was a bit different than as I remembered where the locations of certain specifics had been, though I had not been able to see if the choir robes were still inside of the closet area as well. The flatness of the ceiling seemed a bit different compared to when I would look upward from the pew when I was a child, though such could have been the angle comparison to where I was sitting at church in those times. I posted a few pictures on my #Instagram @LadyDoriBelle and #Facebook accounts, as well as #Twitter.
Coffee hour was a time for snacking this Sunday and I was able to speak with several other congregants from when I was a child growing up at the church, learning of how life had progressed for some during such discussions. Multiple children had been born and lives continued onward, and I learned many had become leaders of church services throughout from the youths I had known when I was growing up at the church. I learned there were many who had connections and ties to the congregation over the years who had also stopped by to see the church, before I made my way to North Carolina to check into the hotel after some time spent with those who were there on Sunday.
Upon checking in, I went to my room to unpack and rest a bit. Of course, I had to go to the ocean. I did, as I did.
:21-23 December 2020: Admiral's Log:
As the memories continued flowing in my thoughts as they had, I processed what I could as I could. I enjoyed some wonderful seafood at a restaurant, drove around to multiple locations, went to the oceanic waters and went swimming at some points while simply standing along the coast line at other points, saw the stars in the sky which included several shooting stars along with some asteroids flying, watched a #USCoastGuard boat go from one area to another, and admittedly had a bit of fun with the waves as well as some beings of the ocean who briefly came to the surface to pun intended ...wave... The pet who I call Bo-Bo made himself known further in the distance though sent a few tentacles towards where I was standing along the shoreline for me to see in the evening hours, as well as a few #MerPeople sent a few seashells to the shoreline area which were a few messages in themselves. I had written a letter during one evening to mail out as well, and tested myself in a few ways. Certain aspects there were only bubbles and other aspects there was seafoam, which in such were other aspects of which needed to be gone through as I had. I was able to get a haircut two times which the hairstylist had done a great job, and I was able to get some of the weight taken care of as ironically the amount of weight in my hair does as it does in reference to my headaches and migraines.
I later went to the #VirginiaAquarium and walked around a bit, which some of those particular portions I will complete a write up about later on in a different journal blog entry. Though I have to laugh at a particular situation as aside from the seals who made sure to swim by and get my attention when walking in the front entrance area as well as several birds who had needed to make a few things known, when walking along the back portion open water area to see the fish which came by as well as some other marine life before the fishermen in their boats were on the water; there was a quiet sense which assisted the memories which were quite overwhelming at different points in the time I had, out on the east coast. I admit I had planned to look at apartments in the area, though I could not make myself do anymore than I already was as the memories were not easy to go through. Some were wonderful memories, some were great memories, some were good memories, some were bad memories, and then there were the other memories. There were also energetic portions picked up upon which I needed to process as well, in conjunction with.
I do have to laugh a bit though as throughout the time of walking around the aquarium and seeing the different animals and types thereof as well as the exterior portion towards the back, as per usual at random times I need to take off my eyeglasses and/or sunglasses. Whether that has to do with the weight of the glasses to my headaches and migraines, whether that has to do with the lack of a glare in comparison to when looking at different portions, whether that has to do with being able to see more clearly, and/or what-have-you of course the one time when I took my eyeglasses and sunglasses off inside there was a situation. Granted my eyeglasses and sunglasses were both hanging from my t shirt and when I bent over to look at the Stingrays who were jumping upward as they do at times, a group of Stingrays came over to where I was standing. I can joke as I walked over the bridge a few Stingrays followed me as I walked on the path I chose despite their location in the water, which when I leaned over to look closer just before going to walk along to another area; I can joke the group of three or four Stingrays worked together to grab my eyeglasses, to then throw in the water several yards away from where I was standing. After my eyeglasses went to where they landed a few of the other Stingrays swam over to where my eyeglasses were as I took my sunglasses to put into my purse, and I had to wait until one of the aquarium employees could come over to pick up my eyeglasses as the Stingrays swam back and forth between my eyeglasses and where I was standing. I can joke the little ones of the Stingrays had grabbed my eyeglasses knowing I was going to walk onward and since they wanted a little extra time when I leaned over, they grabbed my eyeglasses and played keep my eyeglasses away. As I stood looking at the Stingrays as well as the groups of people who made their way through, the rainbow colored Stingray swam over on top of my eyeglasses and nicked one of the corners of on purpose; at minimum I can joke, of the hypothetical aspects of it being done on purpose.
As a quick side not in reference to the Virginia Aquarium, I noticed there were a few pink spots on some of the Jellyfish in the circular tank area. If that is something which needs to be looked at a bit closer, I hope everything is okay and turns out well. I can say I thought Jellyfish did not have eyes though as it seemed as though they were getting closer to where I was looking at them, similarly to when I went to the Corpus Christi Aquarium in Texas as the Seahorses swam closer to where I was looking; though I thought they were color blind types of animals, in the marine life. I can joke about one fish who kept trying to jump out of the tank he was in and swam along the top of the water with his head out of the water and balancing similarly to dolphins, as I spoke with one of the employees at that aquarium a few months ago. That little fish similar to the Stingrays I can joke, were simply wanting a bit of my attention; though that one seemed to be blowing kisses instead of pun intended of blowing bubbles, while he did so.
:24-26 December 2020: Admiral's Log:
After packing everything up to pack the car to check out before stopping by the ocean another time, I then made my way back up to New Jersey from #NorthCarolina for the #Christmas Eve service child time. Arriving with just a little bit of time to spare I was able to speak with the new pastor a little bit more before going up to the church, and attending services there. It was quite enjoyable as listening and seeing much, to then also continue to mull through the memories as they went. Afterwards the ability to speak with a few more congregation members from when I was a child and teenager had been able to occur, prior to going back to the car to make my way back to Texas. The service was extremely different from what I remember from my childhood though in honesty as well, I know I went to both the early as well as the midnight services and thus the differences between the two services at church are and were different. However the early service was still very different and was much shorter in the amount of time as was the Sunday service I went to as I do not remember a sermon for the Sunday service just as there was not a sermon during the Christmas service, and one particular statement was not said that I remember always being said during every church service when I grew up attending Old Tennent Presbyterian Church.
Pastor MacKenzie would say to the congregations, "Peace, be with you" and the congregation would then say, "And also with you" before Pastor MacKenzie would say a few additional words and the church service would be completed.
I know every pastor, reverend, preacher, priest, rabbi, cantor, and etcetera has their own ways of completing services and thus such simple words were not said at other churches and temples I had gone to though it seemed a bit odd to not hear or say that. Also the song #PraiseGod which was sung at every service when I was growing up at Old Tennent Presbyterian Church was not sung, which I even remember the clap at some point in the song. That song when sung reminded me of certain similar aspects at Grandmawmaw and Grandpawpaw's church, when attending their church services.
There was a bit of time I spoke with one of the females who was in the Confirmation Class when I went through who is now a teacher, which admittedly was a bit of a bittersweet portion listening to her speak. While listening to how she is doing as well as the complications to her among other teachers being able to teach classes because of the online learning in comparison to classes inside of a classroom as her older sister who was one of my babysitters had told me of her difficulties during the time before the Sunday service for classes being at home instead of in school, in both situations there was an underlying sound in their voices as best as I could describe which seemed as though certain situations I cannot put into words beyond the after effects from the 1993 World Trade Center service seemed to repeat as I looked around while listening and then proverbially seeing the service after the 11 September 2001 service which I had not been at that one the latter of the two because of being in #SanAntonio Texas at the time and proverbially seeing what I was doing and who I was speaking with at the time number of what would have been the time of the church service at Old Tennent Presbyterian Church.
When listening and looking at the pews during the two services and seeing the blue tape making the X at certain pews, it was though proverbially seeing the lack of faith from each pew from not necessarily who was usually sitting within such pews during the time of growing up though more so along the lines of the lack of faith in an overall sort of way. While I know the COVID portions are of a purpose as to the spacing, the feeling I had was what it was.
Then at a point in one of the two services I watched the spirit of a female walk from one pew in a different form and fashion as I had seen her when I was growing up as a child, then watched that same spirit's form go to the private area for #GeneralGeorgeWashington's location of which seeing then General George Washington's spirit walk outside from the building to speak with her for her to go back inside of the church to tend to the spirits who looked wounded. The clothing was not colonial and was not modern, her hair was a darker color and long, though I did not see her face from where I was sitting in the church as she was walking around on the first floor. A thought passed through while listening at the time of the irony if #DrMaryEdwardsWalker had been there during such times, though that would not make sense as she had been a doctor during the #CivilWar compared to the #RevolutionaryWar though that female's spirit was extremely young compared to though admittedly because of where I was sitting as well as the amount of distance including the portions of the type of glass and the evening hours. Thus I am uncertain if the church also had been used as a hospital during the Civil War after already having been used as a hospital during the Revolutionary War, previously; however it would make sense if such had hypothetically occurred since #Gettysburg Pennsylvania is not far from Old Tennent Presbyterian Church just as the halfway point of the oceanic areas I had gone swimming and SCUBA Diving in of the Atlantic area of the ocean has the halfway point of North Carolina and #SouthCarolina depending which points of the oceanic areas one refers to in regards of swimming and #SCUBA Diving. If in reference to SCUBA Diving out from #BocaRaton #Florida compared to swimming as a child and teenager then South Carolina would be the halfway point, whereas if in reference to swimming and SCUBA Diving out from the #FloridaKeys to the Matthias Abyss then the halfway point would be North Carolina. If triangulating the outward portions of how far I had gone compared to the shoreline the island area I stayed in would be the closest to the halfway point for New Jersey's shoreline compared to the area of the #MatthiasAbyss in the #BermudaTriangle. In such points of reference of the overall comparison to the Revolutionary War in conjunction to the Civil War the areas of which were fought comparatively, Old Tennent Presbyterian Church would be a continued portion to that central location for a hospital usage and I would not be surprised if during the Civil War hypothetically the church was used as a hospital since previously during the Revolutionary War such had been done. There are certain repetitions throughout historical aspects which can be notated when looking at such sorts of details, which the irony would be in a different way if Dr. Mary Edwards Walker the only female Medal of Honor recipient thus far to 2020 who had done some work hypothetically at Old Tennent Presbyterian Church before and/or after having been a Prisoner of War during the Civil War.
Nonetheless in reference to listening to who I was in Confirmation Class with after speaking with her sister who was one of my babysitters, I truly hope the portions of the educational aspects are able to be as per political district lines redrawn for the better education overall. If that means some children progress forward in classes while some children are moved backward in classes, I think in the long term would be better for all because of the need for proper education. In person classroom learning will always be more important as while there are those who do well with online learning for education unlike online learning the ability to speak with the teacher during and after class as well as before are far more imperative than some might think or thought of previously for better knowledge and understanding to then comprehend the information more in depth. Jumping ahead quite a bit before going onward though in reference to such a discussion with that particular female I was able to briefly speak with the original pastor of the church when she and I had attended Old Tennent Presbyterian Church which Pastor MacKenzie had said there have been points of wondering if an impact had been made and though the female I spoke with said she has not had children she is a teacher in school, and in turn that aspect of the impact in the short term may not be as noticed though in the long term will be more than what is realized. She herself can think of teachers she had when growing up and who stuck out and as to why for such a reference point, in conjunction with the reference point in regards of Pastor MacKenzie and so on.
After the Christmas service I briefly spoke with the new pastor, Pastor Douglas Hughes a little bit more before taking off to return back to the state of Texas. The portions of which the aspects of what had been discussed previously on Sunday as well as that evening combined in reference to the Presbyterian Church as well as Old Tennent Presbyterian Church in conjunction with certain military aspects, had made quite a bit more sense when thought about along the drive back to Texas. Thoughts in regards of the boat seen when along the coastline of the North Carolina area clicked in reference to other portions thereof, and then the conjunction of the portions in reference to the aspects of the time when growing up in New Jersey compared to re-growing up in Texas in reference to certain individuals I once knew who told me their thoughts of the events of 11 September 2001 did not affect or impact them personally and why should they care as they did not have such impact. Though I warned those individuals of the realities of later they would meet people who were impacted directly because of the events of 11 September 2001 their standpoint then changed to my memory issues from my #PsalmSunday 2000 head injury and how they did not understand as to why I cared so much about people whose names I could not remember back in 2003 through 2012, of which the words were not as readily available in comparison.
Maybe the inability to remember every individual person's name with their face when I was growing up in New Jersey is a bittersweet aspect because of the fact of how many people actually were impacted on the day of such an event, and though the sweetness of being able to remember some compared to the multitude in number of was important for my need to focus my attention as I had to during that time because it was not only the people who I personally knew when growing up who were impacted and affected; though many more in comparison to the number of the people's names I did not recall as well as their faces could be compared to the number of people who were affected by, for the comparative number of people I knew as well as could remember in a greater overall sort of way. I do not know every individual's name even to this day of who I once knew when growing up however the number comparatively to such of how many were living on the east coast where everything had been occurring at that time probably could be a close ratio, when looking to the numerical portions thereof.
For example how many in religious and spiritual aspects had I known back then compared to the number of, who were directly impacted from that time? Another example how many were teachers and professors who I knew then when growing up compared to that time of 11 September 2001, in a number of comparison. How many people did I know who were older than me and younger than me who on that day and during that event, compared to who was in the area during such time? How many Moms, Dads, Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts compared to children, grandchildren, cousins, and friends in the time portions comparison? How many did I know who did and did not work, comparatively? In reference to #military, #lawenforcement, #firedepartment, and #EMS how many did it affect compared to how many I knew when growing up? Then the proverbial questions of how would I be able to pay attention to the details required if I only remembered every individual during that time, when 11 September 2001 occurred? How could I speak with who I spoke with to offer suggestions for the betterment, if I only remembered the people I once knew? Similarly if I had sued the government of the United States of America over my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, how could anyone take me seriously when the events of 11 September 2001 occurred for the betterment of in reference of what needed to be done? How could I focus upon the needs of the many compared to the few I could remember at the time, in such circumstances?
Thus as I drove along the way back to Texas my thoughts went as they had at the speed which they do, and my memories went through and along as what is considered as normal for me now after my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury; admittedly, not normal for most probably. A brief nap at a point was needed before getting back to the drive in which when in Arkansas the memories in reference to other aspects continued to flow just as it had in Pennsylvania, Maryland, Delaware, #WestVirginia, Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, and Texas.
I remembered some driving which occurred in reference to the times in regards of appointments for my daughter, and some discussions my son and I had along the way. I remembered a discussion which Doctor Angela Brown had said my daughter had attacked a nurse who my daughter said looked similar to one of the mothers on the field trip at the #FortWorthZoo, as well as the #Dallas Independent School District male who went to arrange a test at #PinnaclePoint. I remembered watching him point to the answers he wanted my daughter to answer even though their backs were facing the windows as I watched, which I do not think he realized I could see such actions and choices made. I remembered he had initially told Doctor Angela Brown that orderlies from the hospital could be in the room though when getting there he changed his mind and threw a temper tantrum about, then threatening me about what could occur to my daughter. I kept my calm and focused upon what needed to be done for the better, and I hoped so much for that male. I am glad such hope worked out as there are a few simple rules one of which, do not lie is important; even if exclusion is involved, for such excluding of evidence and/or statements is considered as a lie through omission by choice if I am accurate about legalities.
I warned him after his threat, "Do not test me, I am not yours to observe either."
Ironically, the situation in #Irving on the balcony had occurred shortly after that meeting and no; such will not appear no matter how long certain people think they have a right which they do not have to such. Again, protocol is important despite what some might think. I know there have been those in a particular community of lifestyle who did not understand how I could be or why I had been so protocol driven comparatively to those of my age and ranger thereof. Though some thought they could change my opinion of such which wanting me to adhere to their protocols I informed them "You do not have the authority to override such", and as only one person does and that person is who is writing this journal blog entry in reference not only to this particular one in reference to in the year of 2020 though also in reference to that particular set of journal blog entries I had written on #Fetlife.
In multiple ways I have made it clear and those who knew my Grandfather on the maternal side, my paternal Great Grandfather AKA Bok Gung, and my paternal Great Grandmother AKA Bok Pu know the combination of those three means my protocol will be followed as I am a bit stubborn and though some individuals I once knew during such times may have thought as they said they could change my perception of protocol I think I can guesstimate such may have been proven otherwise as standing steadfast in what I know to be correct. My words may not always make sense initially and may even be out of order in different portions thereof, though there is always a fuller explanation which does occur which in my opinion I think brings more sense when such happens. Even now certain portions of protocol are being seen to make more sense albeit in different ways comparatively, though I also warned such individuals of the amount of people they would meet in reference to military/law enforcement/fire department/EMS throughout not only the lifestyle though also in what is called the vanilla sector. As now 20 years after I had fought to be emancipated to be able to join the Army branch in 2000 and now almost 20 years from the time of 11 September 2001, much of the portions which from 2003 through to 2012 probably make a bit more sense on top of the portions from 1988/1989 in reference to the nightmare I had as a child which I knew I needed to work on finding a better solution for the longer term.
Words in a random combination from my maternal Grandfather in reference to some topics he and I discussed when I was a child, "...Subversion is not an option which will be tolerated, and trying to give excuses to circumvent such ordinances will be considered as problematic. ...Negotiations only occur in person, face to face. ...Just so you know videos do not count for such in the same way for the time being, though later such will be mandatory and then when the time comes there will not be the need for you to go through such and it will only be in person because of the need for what you do. ...If you knew what you will accomplish and do, you would not believe me. ...If you knew who you are going to be you will not understand how long how many have been waiting for the day, you will arrive. ...If you knew what was in store for what you and I have discussed, you would not think as to how much will be made better in the long run. ...I know it is difficult now and it will be increasingly difficult for you, though it is important because of how you see compared to the rest of those your age. ...Stand firm in your beliefs and waiver not..."
I can joke, Zippy and friends are quite displeased as to such backwards aspects. I can joke so too are MerPeople and the spirits from my Medal of Honor Art Project, each and every individual one in each and every individual cemetery location I had ever been to throughout my life.
My Great Grandparents taught me much long ago, as well.
Words at random from my Bok Gung and my Bok Pu, "...It is not my problem to deal with in reference to if others think they have authority which they know they do not have, and would be considered as treasonous towards the United States of America as well as the world's population. ...There is a saying which might make additional sense to this particular portion of which as you grow up from that little seed buried deep within the murkiest of waters, you will blossom upward and outward in ways unimaginable to many. ...There will be more to you than ever can meet the eye, and it will be brighter than even the most darkest place lit by a single candle flickering along with the wind in the breeze to stand out as a beacon of hope for the light..."
In my journal blog entry though in an overall sort of way as well, certain aspects make a little bit more sense. Later I arrived at my ex-mother-in-law's house to see my daughter, one of my nieces, and my ex-mother-in-law briefly. I spent time as I could before going along and returning to my apartment to unpack the car and rest a bit, prior to returning the car to the location. I then called the original pastor as the new pastor was able to give me some information of how to, which then I was able to speak with Pastor Hugh MacKenzie for a bit of time. Ironically in reference to my daughter as well as my son I learned in reference to the grave stone rubbing elective during my Confirmation Class the female who introduced the male who taught the rubbing portion, was named Lidia Wycoff and she has a grandson named James. Honestly I remembered Mrs. Wycoff and how kind she had been at church as well as her husband who randomly had a newspaper, and who introduced me to a few people he knew who would have that specific type of envelope my Great Grandfather, my Great Grandmother, and my Grandfather told me to look for to help at times usually during the time of coffee hour. Though Pastor MacKenzie did not remember the male specifically who taught the grave stone rubbing portion though remembered who introduced, the irony in reference to my son and my daughter's name as well as the irony of only being allowed to speak with an adult through calling Mr., Mrs., Ms., and etcetera to then name my son and my daughter as I had.
:27 December 2020: Admiral's Log:
Thus the trip out to the east coast was quite eventful, despite not traveling much in comparison to what I had planned in regards of where I was going to go in full. Admittedly I was going to look at some apartments out along the area, though processing the amount of stuff I had in my opinion I think could have been considered a bit overwhelming to some when looking at the overall sort of aspects thereof. Swimming in the oceanic waters as I had was needed which is odd because I remember as a child and teenager whenever I would go to the ocean I would feel a movement throughout my physical being up to getting into the water, and well after leaving the water to return to camp and later my room. During my time SCUBA Diving in the ocean that feeling had barely been noticeable when in Cozumel, lesser of a feeling when out in Boca Raton Florida, and even less when going to SCUBA Dive at the USS/USNS Vandenberg. However, I still felt the energetic portions albeit minimal at the times. While in North Carolina that feeling was not to be found at any point of getting closer to the ocean, staying in the hotel room, standing along the coastline, swimming in the ocean there was a little bit though subdued as soon as getting back on land, and then when returning to my hotel room the feeling of the waves were no longer there as it seemed though energetically as one. I remember as a child and as a teenager laying in my bed and feeling the waves moving for days and yet now, it was simply calming to be in the water.
Thus reviewing the portions in reference to a multitude of aspects in regards of the overall trip in conjunction with the portions in reference to the time out in the area as well as the memories which had been reminded of, the overall trip went well despite a few setbacks in reference to having to process certain aspects. I admit I am a bit upset with myself for being so caught up with the different portions in which I was not able to stop by Crowne Palace when I was out in the area, though admittedly the amount of memories which I was already dealing with had been quite a bit much and quite frankly I am uncertain I would have been in a calmer aspect to fully enjoy my meal when there. Knowing how fast my thoughts were moving as well as the energetic portions of, I know the memories would have taken a bit away from the enjoyment of and that would have been an upset to being able to go through. As I know I will be returning to the east coast in a bit of time during warmer weather, I know I will be able to relax a bit and actually enjoy in comparison to the overload of memories this first time around back. Since I have a few other locations which I need to return to in order to take care of a few things between the time of going back to the east coast, once those particular portions are taken care of then there will be the aspects of which the food will be all the more satisfying and tasty. However that particular trip will be much longer than one week and though I would prefer to have someone to go with me who I would enjoy being in the company with in comparison to the constant aspects of being alone when traveling, similarly to previously I do not hold my breath.
Do not add insult to injury, especially in reference to my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury which was before SCUBA Diving and the situations which arose from such just before the Irving situation; all sorts of ways in between of doing the best I possibly could for my son, my daughter, others, and myself.
Since the portions of which my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury has been as it has been and I have dealt with what I have dealt with, in some ways admittedly such has become quite monotonous in regards of traveling. For such references in regards of the amount of driving back and forth for my daughter's appointments, usually I had to go by myself. That meant hours on the road one way and hours on the road the way back with only a handful of times having my son to go with, so he could see his sister as well as the ability for my daughter to see her brother. Then in reference to my Medal of Honor Art Project of which only during one trip did I have my son go on a drive with me, again the rest of the trips I was alone and on my own to get such completed. Adding to that the amount of other portions of which I have had to take care of, contact, reach out, and etcetera yet again traveling in the car completely alone by myself in the references of what is considered as normal. Admittedly such is tiring to have to be the only one over so many years and so many trips in various aspects to bring so much to the surface for people to think about or pay attention to and while I am glad more have been awakening and noticing of the importances thereof, such does not change the fact of being alone for so long in so many ventures.
Usually from what I have seen and been told about there is usually the point of which being with another to complete certain aspects or be able to enjoy which I have enjoyed much admittedly, though being alone and then explaining is extremely different than actually being with another and experiencing together in comparison. Sure in reference to SCUBA Diving I was and am the only one who can land where I had in reference to the bottom of the ocean in the Matthias Abyss, however the rest of a multitude of other aspects I had thought at some point of being with another despite not wanting to get married to just a random person. That is an aspect which especially in regards of knowing myself and how I am, cannot be taken lightly and in honesty after the depressing portions of the life experiences I have gone through in conjunction with the after effects thereof; after a certain point in time I stopped believing there ever could be a one for me and I gave up looking for such an experience of such sorts of, as I simply thought if there actually was such for me that particular aspect of life would come around and the last thing I needed to do was look for that. In some ways it felt a bit insulting to have to go looking for what is considered as such and not in an arrogant way though more along the lines of knowing I do not cammo means I thought such would be easier, in other regards. While I could go looking for such realistically, such seems if it were important such would have shown up and gotten my attention in such a way where I could not help but to notice and feel such. I admit in some ways there was a point which I thought I felt something permeate through when I was in Washington state which was quite odd admittedly, and I even felt the need to turn around though I could not allow myself to because of what was needing to be taken care of at the time; though more in a different way in reference to what felt almost military-ish, in some comparative portions. The individual I spoke with about such in reference to having a feeling to thank an individual for his service though not knowing as to why I would feel such a way as in no offense towards that male, I did not see something which physically would have triggered such a thought process when walking by. The individual I spoke with about such kind of laughed a bit wondering it seemed, though I simply could not shake the feeling as though there was something there.
In a different oddity the lights in the ceiling which moved and blinded me a bit as I walked past another area before going to take care of some other portions, kind of illuminated the backdrop area where all of the people in the area seemed to be shadows in comparison to that one particular individual oddly enough. In walking by there almost felt as though there had been a tug in reference to my corset strings and yet there was not anyone physically nearby close enough to grab a hold of, especially in reference to how I tie my corset strings. To feel such a pull almost similar to oceanic aspects from childhood and teenage years is the oddest feeling to recall as only one other time had there been a sensation of pushing forward though when sitting down and speaking with a female on a bench in the smoking section almost as though a nudge.
Admittedly one particular situation had broken my heart and broken my look at that sort of aspect in reference to love as a few situations had been involved in such sorts of though the aspect of that final portion meant, I simply could not focus any attention to that in the ways I once had looked at such. I gave such the saying of the good college try proverbially, though the feeling of something feeling odd lurked around in such situations and thus the inability to go forward. Instead I simply did as best as I could, and continued living as best as I could in such ways. Ironically the saying is settling down and yet in certain references, I suppose in certain regards such a statement could be truer in such compared to the feelings I once had. Possibly in reference to such feelings the realization of the new year when the portions of supposed to something another during the turn of and remembering of only one time ever from the portions of being a biological adult of having once one individual for a kiss on that particular point in time is another additional aspect, to such thoughts.
Though I had been married once that particular portion of which there was not one year when the new year was brought in through such a way before the final separation and his death of course which I was in a different part of the city and had not seen him in two days, though nonetheless there had only been one time of such occurring on new years. I had been involved in relationships here and there, though even in the relationships I had been in there was something which occurred which meant either the kiss occurred after the turn of the new year if at all in other references. Though I could go on a bit more, I think for this particular journal blog entry I have written enough.
In conclusion while the portions of which there had been many aspects which came forward in such regards of my time traveling in specific this past week from Texas to New Jersey to North Carolina and between to New Jersey and then back to Texas, the words above are only a small portion of what went through my thoughts comparatively. That zig zagging is a bit of what I need to recover from additionally though one step at a time, I suppose.
Now to finish recovering from the length of the trip as even though it had only been one week and one day, the amount of driving was a bit in length. I know I had gotten the car with around 3 or 4 thousand miles on it, and returned it with around 10 thousand miles. Somewhere between 6 or 7 thousand miles of traveling, is a little bit. Right? Just a few numbers, or so.