Beginning yesterday I started a challenge and as I have done a challenge before as to 13 reasons as to why several aspects in a social media account I still have thankfully, which is the only original account I have been able to remember because of the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and while I was in #Washington state because of the magnitude of the occurrences combined, I truthfully do not know what occurred to my other accounts. I remember one day after making my website I had some zapping issues, and I never felt so much pain in that way before. For quite some time because of several additional reasons I did not believe I was going to be able to remember anything. I am extremely thankful fetlife was able to restore my account back to me, just as I am grateful I thought about getting tattoos to help me as a just in case which I am also glad and thankful in a twisted irony that I am glad I put everything I could together in my first and second books Finding A Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing and Finding The Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing #FSLSML #FSLLDB #FSLRSML #FSLRLDB along with the pictures I had been able to save and salvage. I admit I was skeptical when beginning getting my tattoos as something felt odd though I did not realize until years after starting to get tattoos to help my memory problems after my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and coma with the subarachnoid hemorrhage that took 4 years to begin to start to dissipate. I kept my leg tattoos hidden as much as possible in those years from 2006 through to the year I had broken down to get the initial tattoos in my hands, then later bigger additions to the tattoos in my hands though only on the outside of my hands did those tattoos get bigger to go partially up my arms whereas the tattoos in my palms are needing to have fresh ink added because of how many times I have had to use those two specific tattoos to look at to be able to remember.
The irony is the tattoos I had to look at most often to try to remember when I was in Washington state from 2013 through to 2019, are the ones which need the most amount of touch up ink. I am thankful I thought to start my tattoos in my legs though despite not being able to see the tattoos in my back unless looking in a mirror a specific way, as seeing them each day in the shower I think helped more than I initially thought would be helpful to assist to remember. I am also really glad despite certain aspects of being truthful in each group I had ever been involved in by telling the name I went by for the social media account through fetlife and then a Facebook page prior for the name Lady Dori Belle #LadyDoriBelle #LDB up to around 2012 on fetlife before changing the name because of the threats I was receiving and I thought that would be safer for me though I did not realize the name situation online until later. During the time of the initial Facebook page I have now for the name #LadyDoriBelle which was at the same time of the fetlife name change, I suppose my cognitive disorders in conjunction to the tattoos in my legs would be a comparison to the account name change on Facebook in reference to my initial Susan MeeLing account.
I cannot remember how to get into the email accounts or the names I had initially set up on #Facebook which were connected on Facebook back then prior to now for a few reasons and yet had I chosen a different path, I definitely would be walking a different path literally and figuratively. In some ways despite how situations went I am thankful I had been in Texas at the time as how much I had clothed to keep what tattoos I could keep hidden when going places, as those who can look at their uniforms to see the ribbons/medals with commendations they earned with the ability to remember what and how they survived and for their family's and friends' memories of what they overcame to continue onward as they could which I am extremely grateful and thankful for such. Without what they did whether they tried and the situations did not work out and/or the attempts at the best had left scars in whichever ways, I am so thankful for each and every individual one of them. Whatever gender they were born as, whatever their ethnic background, whatever their peaceful religion or non-religion beliefs, whatever their height, whatever their weight class for their MOS equivalent as well as whatever their MOS equivalent, whatever their adult consenting sexuality is, and etcetera; I am grateful for their best works in the #ArmedForces of the #UnitedStatesofAmerica and the allies thereof, as the #ConstitutionalRights and the land of the United States of America they maintain such rights as #FreedomofReligion and #FreedomofExpression which if not for such the #tattoos and hairstyle I have had to maintain for as long as I have because of what I had gone though.
Though some might have questioned the validity of my tattoos more off to the side despite having discussed my own skepticism about such though hoping would be of help more-so if ever required, I am glad my tattoos and my hairstyle proved to me how much they worked to assist my memory. I cannot deny truthfully how much I despised having to get the tattoos because of where I was as in Texas in 2005 when I began my hairstyle, there were quite a few disapproving responses to simply just my hair. The shortness as a female in combination with the shade of red I would make did not seem to fair well at the times, though seeing news articles online now in comparison to how I was getting the news at the times via the paper being delivered and the local news channels I did not see what the situation was about my hairstyle overall. Just from the initial responses from those I had interacted with in the first 7 days, was enough for me to know how the situation was going to go onward for a time. I hoped it would change for the better as of all the situations I dealt with in those first 168 hours, was enough . It was during the first separation admittedly of which I suppose I can make a bad or poor taste joke in addition to the real reasons why I chose the color red, for my hairstyle overall while being thankful in a twisted ironic way. As much of my own blood I had to clean up to that point in time that I had to see when I was cleaning up afterwards, maybe the reflection of my hair assisted getting my son, my daughter, and I to safety as quickly as I could assisted a bit more than I initially realized.
The twisted portion of the irony for my attempt at satire or at minimum to find the only additional silver lining I can think of, my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury the subarachnoid hemorrhage stayed inside of my brain and did not begin to dissipate or work towards getting better for 4 years. I did not graduate Basic Training though as many times as it was required for me to go to a base in #SanAntonio during that time after fighting to be emancipated to be able to join the #Army branch of the United States of America's Armed Forces, it is ironic the halfway point of my contract year term was completed around the timing when the subarachnoid hemorrhage started to show signs of improvement which I am thankful for the combined aspects of being in San Antonio #JBSA and going to the bases for the additional assistance of the visual portions of seeing the uniforms to know while walking amongst those who don those uniforms.
Despite the levels of what occurred when the events of 11 September 2001 occurred in some way I suppose the assistance in reference to what I could remember to give suggestions to help get the local most area squared away with what I could recall, I suppose the sights of the uniforms around every way I looked as to who was within though yet not when in person because of the timing. There was not a place in San Antonio whether in the grocery store, the clothing areas in whichever store, driving down any street for longer than 5-10 minutes, and etcetera. At minimum if not seeing someone in a uniform or a cover from their uniform usually on the dashboard of their vehicle, or a sign which was associated with the military/Armed Forces/#LawEnforcement/#FireDepartment/#EMS in the city of San Antonio also known as #MilitaryCityUSA during not only the first year out from the coma from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury though also for almost 8 years continuously which was the full length of the contract I had signed for my enlistment to the Armed Forces of the United States of America. Thus additionally to my thoughts when dealing with certain aspects thereof in reference to the timing and the coloring for my hair, I suppose in some ways there is a bit of an additional subconscious meaning I can see at this point in time proverbially.
Having traveled through as many areas throughout the state of #Texas as I had from 2005 through to 2013 before winding up in Washington state along with the situations as to how and the situations involving my son, my daughter, and I more specifically from 2008 through to 2013 referring to the time in Texas during those years and interactions with others thereof; in regards of commentary about my hairstyle as well as my tattoos in conjunction with the pictures I took of my children #Letters4James #Letters4Lidia as well as the family portraits in combination with my modeling which during those times the pictures were taken by photographers under the #TFCD (Trade For Compact Disc) and/or #TFP (Trade For Print) agreement though I had not received one #CD and only received emails receiving my modeling pictures, and only from one photographer had I received the pastel and charcoal picture he had made of me from a picture he took of me in #SanAngelo. I remember since I learned the path was going to be driven from #Selma to #Arizona during the time after the #CowboysDanceHall #CDHSA situation and afterwards from, I remember I emailed him to see if he had time because I remembered he said he had models who traveled out to the area though did not come back; though it was a short amount of time that I had to be able to receive contact back from because after standing up in court in reference to the aspects of what happened to my daughter and the following situations thereof before #CowboysDanceHallSA #CowboysDanceHallSanAntonio, and there was not any time to wait. My son and I were out of the state of Texas less than a month after my final attempt to inform people I knew in person went as such had, as I just needed a few minutes with just them to tell them what was going on. I knew the situation was delicate especially in reference to my son at that point, and that was all I could focus to while keeping my daughter in my thoughts.
Some made fun of me for a particular set of tattoos I had put in regarding my Faery tattoo in my back, my Dragon tattoo in my back, my Deer tattoo in my back, and my spiritual healing symbol in my back. I suppose some might see a furthered representation at this point though the ironic twist of how my hair grows in the back of my head, which is ironic of the movie Cat's Eye by #StephenKing as well as what the reflective strap on a helmet for the Armed Forces of the United States of #America when thinking about. I had written about a bed I had made during the time when I was engaged to someone for the second time and in prior posts in my journal blog entry here in #TheOrneryPSA on my website www.susanmeeling.com
Though the bed I made and wrote about on fetlife was in 2010 during the latter months, I made a replica when moving back to San Antonio from Irving which the bed was made in 2010 initially and the replica was made in 2012; though I did not post about the new bed, nor the fact I made a second one. The first one I had listed and sold, and was picked up in Irving before the situation occurred on the balcony. I only gave the female who picked up the bed the frame, as the wood was taken by my biological father to use as I told him he could use it to plant a garden raised bed or to repair the house itself or build something else as he was working on some things around the house, and I cannot remember where the chains and shackles went though I think I might have kept them and they were on the #UHaul truck that was confiscated by the police though no one told me where to call and I was not contacted by UHaul until after they sold the stuff inside; I was told about a police report in #Austin Texas though, I sent a letter to their office awhile back as well as have explained quite a bit through my website. For additional clarification if there was not enough previously since the 24 foot truck which arrived to get my stuff was barely packed halfway to the top and not fully to the 2/3 mark on the 24 foot moving truck, the same in reference to the UHaul 16 foot truck as I had a large vehicle to move plenty of the boxes and bins while having my son in the car to drive the first trip to San Antonio to bring what was possible to bring; the closest example I could give is seeing the semitrucks that carry multiple levels of vehicles on the highway without a external box, and only the first row of the cars would have been the equivalent of what was loaded onto the 24 foot truck as well as the 16 foot UHaul truck, as the ex-boyfriend which I had at just recently ended the relationship the time with abruptly because of the fact he put a loaded shotgun pointed at me despite his claim he was trying a #RifleDrill with a shotgun and he did not know he had two rounds in the chamber, until I took the shotgun away from him after he pointed it in my face; to flip the firearm back in his face, and made him put his hands up.
That was the split second when he realized he did not know if he had rounds in the chamber, and I was infuriated. I scolded him harshly as then he apologized before I made him open up the rifle, to show me what was in the chamber which there was a round in each side with a red ring around the edges of the middle section where there was some writing inscriptions with numbers and letters, with a silver small center circle area and what looked as a small indentation point in the center of the two different rounds. Spaced around 1 to 1.5 ish inches from one another inside of the black area of the opened firearm, when the hatch was pulled back to reveal the rounds inside of his firearm at the time. He knew in person what I was dealing with to keep my daughter and my son safe from what had happened to my daughter because of the #FortWorthZoo #FWZoo #FWZ field trip, and he knew what had occurred to my son in regards of doctor appointments from what happened when my daughter attacked him in a rage; which the hospitals who have taken care of my daughter can understand and comprehend what I had to do to keep my son safe as well as myself, when you take into consideration Fort Sam Houston's #EmergencyRoom #ER situation. In brief he would not allow me to get all of my furniture, all of my son and my daughter's belonging, and I was only able to get my belongings that were in the front area of the garage of the apartment in #Irving that we had at one time.
As a side note for those who know of the situation during the time, there was a song on the radio which he said reminded him of his prior girlfriend who he refused to remove a piercing from in truth from the time of the relationship with her which he would only crank up the song when on the radio. The second the song was over, it was as though nothing occurred and he went back to talking though asked what the discussion was about. It did not matter who was talking whether he was or I was when that song came on, he only referred to her and something about how she became who she was at the time when he and I were dating before the end of the relationship. I called him out for something in reference to a couple he and I knew, which when I told him of a concern I had for them he smiled and said nothing more; which was less than a week before the situation because I refused to become a Professional Dominatrix despite what he discussed, despite what he had told me he asked a female to push for me to get into it the way she had convinced a prior relationship he did not say who in reference to which drove a wedge in what was a perfectly fine and well friendship of open acceptance. There were situations which I grew up seeing and I noticed how some responded to their parents' divorces, knowing the situations I saw escalating before my eyes as a child in conjunction with so much more in person, the taking finances away from the ex relationship depending how the start of had been and which level was recognized as at what level by the two involved of consenting adults in the respect to the situation I am writing of, to then continue in this entry.
The one aspect of taking the financial support from the children is entirely different, from a the perspective of a single parent already having seen what those who I knew during my childhood and teenage years had been through. Whomever is in charge of making sure the children are properly taken care of from such a prior portion and what their needs are depends because if you are not going to be involved with your child(ren)'s life/lives, then of whichever portion you are financially responsible to make sure it is taken care of. I suppose in some respects I can make an actual dark joke in such a reference, however I will leave such a thought as only such a thought in this moment. Instead I will write I am glad I only had dated a couple single fathers who I knew and though I did not know until later about the financial aspects of the one I wrote about in such a regard, I informed his Mom and Dad about making sure their Grandchild had the proper finances awareness about how their son was handling the responsibilities of his family so they could make the choices they needed to make for the best overall long term as they knew their own personal history whereas I did not officially. I have admitted I can pick up on energy because of how I am, which I hope it is understood it was out of respect though may have been brash because of the lack of a filter in comparison to when I am speaking.
In reference to what I explained about the portions of my replica bed in San Antonio as well as in reference to a time when I had a roommate which was supposed to only be during the time when my daughter was in the hospital and she was supposed to get a place for herself though stayed longer than she said she would, and the first night I brought my daughter back to the townhouse my roommate had already fallen asleep which I had my daughter sleep in my bed in my room though all of the portions for the replica which I had made. However those who know how making replicas goes, there is not the exact same everything in reference to replicas. Thus because of the difference between the bed shapes though both King sized beds, the attachments were kept in another location and all of the chains and shackles were locked in the shelf at the top of my closet in an irony when you think about the fact that the adult stuff was kept in a safe location. I am quite safety conscious in what I hope is a peacefully balanced way, which hopefully in positive ways has influenced betterment in a multitude of good ways. Though despite how the situation had gone with that particular individual at the time situation had been the portions thereof, my daughter then slept in her own bed. I did have to do some cleaning after getting certain aspects taken care of because of the ex-roommate not paying her bills as well as not maintaining the portions agreed to at the time, in far too many ways to go into here.
Nonetheless back to the portions in reference to the purpose of this entry is I know each person fumbles with words when speaking with people whether they have known them for awhile or for a short amount of length of time, as it is easier to type because of the ability to correct small spelling errors or word arrangements compared to when speaking. Those who are naturally are able to help teach those who are willing to think and evaluate in as unbiased of a way as possible, and are still capable of enjoying themselves and having a great time with the group of people whom they are able to spend time with in reference to the preferences which in their point in life has lead them to. Intentions are important and actions show intentions along with the words spoken to explain such as best as possible, thus with the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and experiences throughout my life I am thankful technology exists because it too assisted in remembering and recalling situations to align more clearly though consistently as well. Maybe this 60 Day Challenge might begin at a later time for some and maybe they will come across this whenever the time is right for them, and it will assist them to bring themselves to step upward into a more positive way of life for themselves and more along with them where they can feel freer to be true to themselves and acknowledging the steps each as chooses to do so for the acknowledgment of the next portion for their path in this life for the next generations who come along afterwards as to who is alive now.
Thus today's Day of Thanks for the 60 day challenge I created, is as such.
I am truly thankful for the multiple aspects of technology, though especially grateful today for the adult community online made by and taken care of by the crew of the caretakers for that company. #Fetlife #BitLove I think possibly at this point, there might be a larger amount of clarification than I can put into words though others can from their own experiences to connect the proverbial dots for themselves on their own.
The #SusanMeeLingFindASilverLining60DaysOfThanksChallenge also known as the #SusanMeeLingFindingTheSilverLining60DaysOfThanksChallenge also known as the #SusanMeeLing60DaysOfThanksChallenge#60DaysOfThanksChallenge